A song pops into my head most mornings as I wake up. For today it is "Wichita Lineman." I consider it a message from my soul, and try to figure it out. "And I need you more than want you...and I want you for all time...and the Wichita lineman is still on the line." Maybe it's just me thinking about the enjoyable hour or more I spent talking on the phone to my mother in Kansas last night, thinking I need to go visit her soon.
The work I do in my head makes so much difference to what I am able to do in my life. For the last few weeks, I haven't had a song in the morning, indicating my pervasive negative attitude, toward myself especially. I have been feeling like I am inadequate to handle the challenges my life has given me, forgetting or negating the myriad of things I am grateful for. So today, here are some of the things I am grateful for, that I learned from, my former husband, The Doctor.
1. Enjoy the silence. You don't always have to be carrying on a conversation to be connected.
2. Sometimes it's good to talk to yourself.
3. You can learn how to hug, with practice and letting go of your fear, and can even hug people who are sick, injured, disabled or different. Hugs can bring unconditional love and acceptance to another person.
4. You can have spirituality, integrity, and good works without religion. My take: I found the weekly examination of ethical questions, focus and charitable works, and teaching children confidence and community is almost impossible without the support of a church or some kind of fellowship, organization, community, or sangha (group of believers).
5. Religious belief that only Christians/Catholics/Muslims go-to- Heaven/are-right causes more war, anger, destructive, fearful behaviors, acts of superiority, pride, and prejudice than living without religion ever has.
6. You have to do what you have to do, sometimes selfishness is good. My interpretation: If you don't put your own oxygen mask on first, you won't be around to help anyone else.
7. Doctors don't always know what's right, and know almost nothing about nutrition, having had only one class on it in medical school. My extrapolation: You are the one in charge of your body, and you need to know it well. It is your job, not your doctor's to make sure you are giving your body everything it needs...daily exercise, clean water, real food, sunshine, rest, work, and spiritual care. Don't expect your doctor to be able to fix your self-destructive behaviors like over-eating or smoking when you aren't willing to.
8. Doctors will follow your cue. They generally will do what they think you want them to. IE: Find a problem whether there is one or not, give you medication, tell you details about your illness. They are not magicians.
9. Even if you know what is wrong with you when you go to the doctor, don't be a jerk and just announce your illness and what he needs to do to treat it. Instead, quickly and articulately list your symptoms and let the doctor make the diagnosis. Doctors are people first, even though most have a God complex in the USA.
10. Never go to the doctor or hospital unless you absolutely have to. You are more likely to get sick there than at home. Never take medicine unless you absolutely have to, it's more likely to hurt you in the long run with side effects and unknown long term unintended injuries than help you.
11. It's good to be on the medical staff, or related to someone on the inside, if you are in the hospital. You automatically have an "advocate," which all patients need when in the hospital. You get better care, and quicker results on your tests.
12. It's bad to be on the medical staff or related to someone on the medical staff because you will be given every test in the book when you get sick because they don't want to miss anything, and will probably get more care than you actually need.
I am grateful for everything I learned from the Doc, and I am grateful that he gave me the love and grounding he did to the best of his ability. I am grateful that he supported, and continues to support me financially, even though it has been difficult for us both. I am grateful that he is an honorable, ethical, hardworking man who has found someone who is a better helper than I ever was. She appears to be able to keep all her, and his balls in the air, so to speak. I was ALWAYS dropping one of our balls, then running after it to chase it, getting lost, and wandering back a few hours later with a new idea for the ecovillage/horse farm/kids/wetland. It drove him crazy. Sorry.
Thank you for all you have given me.
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Comments
Brian...it takes one to know one.
Blue horsey, I had to take a picture of it! I got my yak shirt at the Free Tibet! Store in Midtown Global Market in Minneapolis when I was there visiting my grown kid.
Teddy, You are so sweet to stop by, leaving muddy paw prints of love love love where ever you go! Love love love back! Thanks...
Sandra, Thanks for supporting my YAK!!! So many people hate Yak, but not me. I love yak. I'm glad you do too. I'll try to wind my yak up a little higher.
Sally, Doc is an amazing, talented and quite exceptional person. Not all docs are. I need to remind myself the good things he left with me when he married his nurse. I am no victim. I still have trouble believing that the person he left has value alone, though intellectually I believe that. Why do I still want to cry about it? Very annoying. I should talk to someone about it some time. Or not.
Prof, Thanks for the encouragement. I felt more like there was going to be a whole new world when I was traveling. Now that I'm making myself stay home, be responsible and work on business, it just seems like the same old world. I hadn't thought of my marriage as a mistake, but now that you mention it, maybe it was. When I was studying Kabbalah, one of the teachers told me the first marriage is just practice. It is the later marriage(s)? that are the true ones. But I know I have to understand what I am supposed to learn from each person I am with, or I will make the same mistakes over and over. That is why I look at the past to clear the way for the future.
I believe you did the best you could at the time. Nice reflection. Your best days are ahead if you want them. Guaranteed.
Rated
Thank you.
My office sits on the corner of 6th Ave. and 10th St in the West Village. While not the busiest corner in America, the foot traffic is pretty brisk. In two years, I've never seen a single person hit by a car there. But, without questioning any of them, I'm quite certain there have been quite a few who were type 2 diabetics, had high blood pressure, or some other common, chronic condition that has an underlying cause that is, largely, nutritional.
Now, how many of them went to their doctor for help with these conditions, someone with admittedly no expertise in helping them solve the problem? Treat the symptom with a drug that has a list of side effects as long as your arm, sure, but solve the underlying problem?
Grif, Thanks so much! I'm looking forward to those better days!
Christian, Good observation. I should have been simpler and more clear on that point. I am by training and by interest an anthropologist. I enjoy the study of religion.
My family of origin is Fundamentalist Christian. I was myself a good portion of my life. I learned to be superior and judgmental, while espousing brotherly love and doing good works for others. I believed in war, yet was adamantly Christian and believed in the words of Jesus. As Bill Moyers pointed out in the documentary, Religulousus, there is a functional disconnect in Christian belief and action. You Cannot Be A Christian And Believe In War. I think it was Gandi who said, "I like their Christ, but I don't like Christians much." It doesn't matter what weapons are being used, or being invented. They Can Never Be Used In Christ's Name. He was the ultimate pacifist...all He asks is that we "Love one Another," "Judge not lest ye be Judged," "If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn the other," "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," "Blessed are the peacemakers, for their's is the kingdom of heaven." It doesn't matter what weapons we have. To be Christian, you must lay down your arms and refuse to fight. Jesus protected the outcasts, the unclean, the immoral. He by action and diction include EVERYONE, even the Samaritans, and prostitutes in his Love. Why do we think we are so much better able to judge our fellow man than he was? The Quakers are true Christians, but there are very few other denominations that are anything but a sounding gong declaring their richeousness to the masses, but with little or no substance to their words. Actions speak louder than words. It is the religious fighting that will destroy the world, and the stupid lack of responsibility for the global ecological disaster we as a race have created.
So, a society where there is no higher power? Samoa strikes me first, then all of Buddahism. Shintoism and many others have an ancestor worship, very different than the desert jealous One God. Hinduism really doesn't have a "higher power" exactly...the 'gods' are actually historic figures, along with mythological figures, who have become enlightened so they can help others to reach enlightenment. Many Hindu Indians do not consider themselves "religious," even though they culturally follow the precepts of Hinduism. And, yes, there is a people, a whole culture in fact, that has never fought in a religious war, even though Muslims bomb them pretty consistantly...the Hindu culture. The Hindu religion says that there are many paths to god, and they are all valid. It is sort of an Eastern Unitarian Universalist or Baha'i. I believe that we have been given a chance to redeem the human race by the Eastern religions, and if we would take our Christian heads out of our rear ends, we could follow Jesus's teaching to the same end. Our choice is to unconditionally love one another, and find the peace that passeth understanding within ourselves, and love and protect our Mother Earth, OR die, kill our children, grandchildren, and all life on earth. I choose to create an Ark, an Eden, where ecological diversity, spirituality without religion, peace , and community will surround me. And it all starts with me, and goes out in concentric circles and joins the peace 'waves' of others until the whole world understands, and becomes peace.