As we get closed to putting our house on the market, my wife and I have begun discussing what we want in our next home.

This is despite the fact that we have not resolved, or even come to terms with, the issue of where we want to live. She subscribes to the being near the kids and grandkids strategy, which will place us in New England (Red Sox Nation. UGH!), while I subscribe to being someplace nice that they would want to visit…..on occasion.

Florida sounds pretty good to me.

She would like to have a home with a view, a screened-in porch, one level (or at least a bathroom on each level), and a comfortable place to watch TV.

So far, my only non-negotiable demand is I MUST have a refrigerator that makes ice cubes.

I am sick to death of filling ice cube trays and beating the crap out of the cheap plastic things just to get a lousy chunk of frozen water.

Every tray I examine has just two ice cubes remaining. It is as if the perpetrator of this outrage, and she knows who she is, decides that as long as there are two cubes left, she does not have to fill the tray. Consequently, every time I wish to put ice in my beverage I am limited to two cubes, unless I want to fill two ice cube trays. I must then walk all the way across the kitchen and refill the tray or trays slopping water along the way that I will step in later in my stocking feet.

I blame Kathie, my wife, for this because I know I have to fill at least one tray each and every time I have a drink. She of course blames me. I know I am right because I cannot recall ever having, personally witnessed her filling a tray. In fairness, I may be doing her an injustice. Maybe it’s like one of those math puzzles where you add, subtract and divide a series of numbers and always end up with your birthday. Maybe no matter how many ice cubes you take or make, there will always be two cubes remaining.

Now I am sure none of you can relate to this, because my children tell me we are the only people left in the world who do not have a fridge that makes ice. I, however, recall seeing a special on National Geographic about a tribe in the deepest jungles of Brazil that has to fill its ice cube trays from the Amazon River. It was noted as an example of the simple but difficult lives they lead.

I envy people who have icemakers, who can just push their glass against a lever and fill it to the brim with refreshing frozen water; or who can open the door to the freezer and SCOOP an endless supply of frosty nuggets.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have a machine that just makes ice..that’s all it does!

They have a scoop that’s as big as a boat bailer and can cool down a drink or a swimming pool in a flash.

They say it’s great for entertaining. When we entertain we have to go to the supermarket and buy a bag of ice cubes which, when put in the freezer, promptly turns into a solid frozen mass that we have to loosen by dropping on the kitchen floor. It’s very entertaining for our guests. I guess I could get an ice pick. I don’t know if they still make these but suppose they do since I saw one on the Sopranos.

Why don’t we get a new fridge? Well, I am told that the machine, plus the cost of getting water pipes to where it resides, would cost more than a new BMW.

Excuse me. I have to go fill the ice cube trays.