Aw, For Heaven's Sake...

Cam Battley

Cam Battley
Rural Ontario, Canada
April 04
Canadian owner of small businesses, small children and large dogs. Scuba diver, hard rock fan, business traveler, industrial-strength irritant.


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Editor’s Pick
MARCH 1, 2010 5:53AM

The Truth Revealed: Canadians Are Nazis!

Rate: 35 Flag

Evil Poutine-Eating Bastards


It took the investigative skills of intrepid Fort Worth Star-Telegram sports columnist Gil LeBreton to uncover the ugly truth.  Like Edward R. Murrow in pre-World War II Vienna and London, Mr. LeBreton put his personal safety at risk to file a brave report from the turbulent city of Vancouver: “In these Olympics, Canadians only paid attention to Canada”. 

Sure, Canadians seem multicultural, friendly and good-natured on the surface.  But that’s just what they want you to think.  Dig a little deeper and you’ll find that they’re plotting to crush the world under their jackboots.  Or snowshoes.  Whatever.

Here’s how Mr. LeBreton broke the startling news.

Dateline:  Vancouver, British Columbia

Lead:  After a spirited torch relay ignited pride in every corner of the country, the Olympic Games began and quickly galvanized the nation.  Flags were everywhere. The country's national symbol hung from windows and was worn on nearly everyone's clothing.  Fervent crowds cheered every victory by the host nation.

But enough about the 1936 Berlin Olympics.

So true.  The parallels between Berlin 1936 and Vancouver 2010 are clear, if you just pay attention.

Not everyone has the perspicacity to discern the neo-Nazi threat north of America’s borders.  Fortunately, Mr. LeBreton does.  Because he’s more observant than most.  He makes the cognitive connections others miss.

For 17 days we were barraged with Canadian flags, rode buses and trains with people in sweatshirts and jerseys adorned with Canadian maple leafs, and were serenaded at venues by Canadian spectators, lustily cheering for Canadian athletes.

My God.  It’s spine-chilling. 

The rest of the world was lulled into complacency and Olympic fever.  But the Star-Telegram’s crack reporter wasn’t fooled by the crafty Canucks.  Their display of patriotism reminded him of something.  Something terrifying.

I didn't attend the '36 Olympics, but I've seen the pictures. Swastikas everywhere.

You see?  Maple leaf flag = swastika.  Damn you, Canada. 

Now, I don't want to say that Gil LeBreton is the finest newspaperman of our age.  That would be premature.  But once Canada’s true face has been fully revealed - surely including plans to invade its neighbours, build terror weapons and implement an horrific program to eliminate an entire people from the planet – I have no doubt that the gentleman will receive the Pulitzer Prize he so richly deserves.

Those Canadians, with their flags, their beer, their lusty cheering and their record number of gold medals by any country in any winter Olympics… they make me sick.  Given Mr. LeBreton’s Canada-Nazi revelations, it’s a wonder Canada's closing ceremony flag bearer, figure skater Joannie Rochette, didn’t goosestep into the arena.

Wake up, America.  Wake up to the real threat.  Gil LeBreton saw through the façade.

Nice party. But so 1936.

Don’t be fooled by their maple syrup-sweet smiles.  It’s time to mobilize against the Molson drinking hordes.  Today they have their arm around America’s shoulders.  But tomorrow, they’ll have their boot on America’s throat.

Nazis.  I hate those guys.


Cam Battley lives quietly in rural Ontario, Canada.


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I knew there was something fishy about all their niceness.
Humorous but scary that these people are professional writers? I never suspected, but I wonder if we can use it to contest that last sudden death goal........
Rita - please, madam - we're do try to be nice, but we're not giving back the hockey gold. ;)

Hi, Stellaa. I'd nearly forgotten about this blog, until I suddenly had something I wanted to write about. I mean, really: playing the "Nazi card" against *Canada*?
With our health care, we're America's worst nightmare - Nazis and socialists at the same time!
More evidence that they're Nazis (as pointed out by Andy Borowitz) -- they also have national health care...
As if Americans (and Texans!) weren't fulla themselves too.
Gil has always been a shameless homer whore and he's the same way about the local teams here in DFW. He has no real credibility and we treat him like the embarrassing drunk uncle no one wants to admit exists. But he has a regular column and a comfy job and that's all that matters in his head.
Molson, Canadas best-selling beer, is owned by the Molson Coors Brewing Company. Coors was founded by "Adolf" Coors. Aha! My eyes are finally open.
we were barraged with Canadian flags, rode buses and trains with people in sweatshirts and jerseys adorned with Canadian maple leafs

Let's switch just a few words from the above quote:
"We were barraged with American flags, rode buses and trains with people in sweatshirts adorned with the stars-and-stripes, and saw cars with these colours don't run bumper stickers."

I just did that to point out that his complaints about the Vancouver Olympic games also accurately describes every place every day of the year in the USA.
This is outrageously funny!
What's that ol' cliche? "Pot callin' the kettle black"

Go Pinkos!
This is outrageously funny!
What's that ol' cliche? "Pot callin' the kettle black"

Go Pinkos!
OMG. I wonder what he had to say following the Atlanta games?
Additional and appropriate beer insight. What is a famed brand in Quebec? La Fin du Monde

Need I say more?
I've always been suspicious of them there Canadians. Now I know why.
The best thing about this is that Salon's Olympics wrap-up piece by Allen Barra says exactly the same thing in an only slightly less boneheaded way. "If Leni Riefenstahl had been Canadian-- polite, tasteful restrained -- she'd have directed something like the closing ceremonies of the 21st Winter Olympics"

Oh Well. At least we know that when the rest of the world figures out our master plan, Americans will be the last the join the war. And then I guess they'll beat us back with their big haul of second and third place medals.

Can't wait to see the 5,000 Hollywood movies they'll make about it.
Speaking as a Vancouverite, not all of us are "that way" and I assure you, I wasn't "lustily cheering". Sigh. Texas press.
Anyone remember the 1984 LA Olympics? The ones after we boycotted the Russians in 1980? Talk about flags, banners, armbands, jackboots, and billy-clubs...........even the stadium looked like it was designed by Speer.
A journalist hating someone else's country for a change? That is news.
It is foolish to claim that Canadians are Nazis. Canadians are not nearly motivated nor awake enough to be anything as malevolent and destructive as Hitler's followers. Germans are capable of such criminal mind-sets and also certain kinds of Americans.
Canadians are beer-drinking simpletons, desperate to make winter bearable (aka hockey fans). The rest of the math is obvious: beer + simplicity + ice = loud asshole.
Please forgive us. It is extremely hard being a Canadian.
See, their socialized medicine is all part of a devious plot to take over the world. They can all stay healthy (on the government's dime, no less). They're just waiting for their neighbors to the south to become physically weak and vulnerable to attack.

They're probably even financing the anti-health reform campaigns here.
I knew it! It's all clear to me now.
What an asshat. So we celebrated each and every medal, each and every athlete. In fact ... I'm still celebrating.

Sue me.
Well, you know, some of them people in that there Canada are Frenchies, just sayin'. No good commie..I mean Nazi... I mean Fascist scum! Rated. Lord, sometimes I can't believe I'm from TX!
I knew it! I just knew it!....From the very first time I saw a John Candy movie.
Hi Cam,

I sent the following email to Monsieur Lebretton.

Hi Mr. Lebreton,

I just had the pleasure of reading your column dated Feb. 28. You certainly have an unusual sense of history, if not humor.

I for one, have never thought of myself as being part of a flag waving, goose stepping horde a la 1936. We Canadians usually keep our flags in the basement, until July 1 (that's our version of your July 4) when we let her fly. Our patriotism is not overt or openly boisterous. Unlike the U.S. we were not born out of a revolution, so we don't have the flags and bunting on display 24-7. Believe me, I don't mind that kind of patriotism, and i understand that it is central to the citizens of your country.

This is why I had to believe that the sentiments you expressed in that column are anything but satirical in nature.

Yep, we sure raised the ante in our display of the maple leaf. They played our anthem (complete with 18 we stand on guard for thees) 14 times, and that's a record as far as i know. Bearing that in mind, it should not be difficult to comprehend our joy and pride in all things Canadian. We don't often do it, but now that we've been made aware of the obvious comparison's to Hitler's Germany, we promise to put away the brown shirts, jack boots as well as the flag down in that musty part of the basement.


John van Esch

Verklemt, I love your letter to Mr. LeBreton! Maybe we should start a "Canada Loves Gil LeBreton" Facebook page, just to confuse the poor man.

Now, you Americans... listen up, please. Mr. LeBreton has torn the lid off Canada's secretly-growing authoritarian/nationalistic momentum. So there's no point in hiding it anymore. And there are going to be some changes around here. Starting with the reinsertion of "u" in the appropriate words. Please be good neighbours and comply.

And to my compatriots: Wow! Was that a kick-ass Olympics, or what? It feels great to be Canadian every day, but today, perhaps, more than most.
I love this, Nazi Boy. Heil.
Myriad took the word out of my mouth: I have never heard a socialist being labeled as a Nazi. Does anyone have a link to these old "I am Canadian" Molson's TV Ad? We should send them to Mr. LeBreton.
Don't you know that the only reason why rednecks sport so many godamned American flags is so people won't confuse them with being Canadian?
Hey John? If you hear back from that alleged sports columnist/buffoon, let us know what he has to say. He's as batshiat as that clown in the Guardian.
Interesting read. Rated.
Canadians are Nazis. I guess I'm living in Poland.

Another similarity: Berlin 1936 didn't have any snow either.

The resemblance is uncanny. If you're an idiot.
There was something vaguely Hitler-ish about the goofy little guy who "fixed" the reluctant part of the flame sculpture thingy, now you mention it...
that is silly. The Vancouver Games were the best Games yet.
Great piece - also liked your posts on the FW S-T website!!
Oh! BTW, "Mr." Lebreton will be posting an apology on the web site tonight -spoke to the chief honcho at the Star-Telegram (who is Canadian by birth) and he told me that this will be happening. I do believe that something will show up on the print edition soon too.
Lusty cheering? In Canada? Seriously?

None of that would ever happen here.
Hey, thanks, TxCanuck! At first I was just annoyed enough to post a comment on their website. Then I thought the gentleman deserved to be lampooned a bit more thoroughly. [chuckle]
Oh come on, Mr. Breton. Let them dress up and pretend. It's not like Canada's a real country.
And any day now they'll be talking about lebensraum. If they decide to expand, well, there's only one country they border on.
Cam, if there is an apology, could you post a link to it? I've been thinking since I first read this about hurling some invective his way (maybe in Deutsch), but it sounds like I won't have to thanks to you and others here.
Yes, but his theory doesn't account for the Giant Inflatable Canadian Icons...or Neil Young. Case closed.
Mr. LeBreton's aplology is in today's Fort Worth Star Telegram:

To be fair, he has every right to think and say that Canadians are a bunch of drunken ultra-nationalists. However shallow and incorrect that may be. But aren't you getting sick of lazy people playing the "Nazi card" every time they want to discredit something or someone?

Pretty funny that he tried that on Canadians, of all people.
If this, from your post, is a quote, as the italics suggest--

"I didn't attend the '36 Olympics, but I've seen the pictures. Swastikas everywhere."

--it's since been removed from the original editorial.
Hi Cam,

Just the other day i DID receive an email from Mr. LeBreton and here it is:

Dear Mr. van Esch :
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my column.
I'd like to personally apologize to you for using the 1936 Berlin
Olympics analogy in trying to make my point. It was a poor choice
and I regret it.
There were many exciting and memorable moments in the Vancouver
Olympics, and I hope these are the ones that will linger when the
cheers of those three weeks finally fade.
Best wishes to you.
Gil LeBreton
Sports Columnist
Fort Worth Star-Telegram

I thought it was decent of him to write back, and i do believe he is now coming to terms with the ripple effect the internet exerts anytime anyone writes anything particularly goofy or galling. Thanks for posting his article, I'm sure he now has a readership that is world wide. Helluva way to get an audience...