As many of you know, our OS stalwart Triggerdude is feeling a little down these days. Unlike yours truly, he is a bit of a novice at the whole broken-heart thing so I thought I'd help him out by compiling a list of the best songs to nurse one through that difficult circumstance. This is the one time in your life when you can wallow in sappiness and self-pity, at least for a while, so you'll need this list. Plus, as long as you are busy listening to music and crying, you aren't annoying the shit out of your friends by whining about her
Since I am a bit of a perfectionist, I consulted the interwebs, just to make sure I didn't miss anything important. One list that said it was just for men, which I hear Trig is, had “Achy Breaky Heart” at No. Nine. I say it belongs at No. None. If you need that song to get through whatever you are going through, or any other Billy Ray song for that matter, please just do us all a favor and off yourself right now... and not in some messy way that some poor schlep will have to clean up.
Actually, you wouldn't believe some of the crap on those lists, which is exactly why the world needs:
Major Mojo's Top Ten Breakup Songs.
No Woman No Cry
Bob Marley. Is there any other version? No, not that matters. You may want to save this one for when you are on the uptick and ready to feel better, which is why it is tenth. You simply cannot listen to reggae and feel bad, even though reggae lyrics are filled with all kinds of tragedy. It's okay to wallow though, especially in the beginning. In fact, you really can't recover until you've wallowed some.
Don't Think Twice (It's Alright)
Peter, Paul and Mary do a nice version but it has to be Mr. Dylan. Again, this one is listed late as it's sort of a recovery song for when you are feeling a twinge of forgiveness for ripping your heart out of your chest, throwing it on the ground and stomping on it then running over it with a gravel truck, lighting it on fire and then putting it out by pissing on it. You just might be there by No. Nine.
Bye Bye Love
This is by The Everly Brother, of course. Still wallowing here, for sure and you may feel a bit silly for going all the way back to the early 60's for this but just remember, it could be worse. I could have given you Cathy's Clown.
Pretty sappy, sure, but kinda smart too. And Cat Stevens was still Cat Stevens then and not that religious freak he turned into. Just go with it and shut the hell up.
Feel a Whole Lot Better
This is for that burst of strength and resolve you're going to feel after No. Five gets your blood pumping. 'Yeah, who needs yer ass anyway?' Well, you do sap, but you can kid yourself for now if it helps. You can go with the original version by The Byrds from 1965 but do not forget Tom Petty's take on it. You'll be doing fist pumps at her expense, no doubt.
Anyone who knows anything knows that I could have gone with almost any Neil Young but this one, by Gawd, will get yer ass outta the dirt for a while. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel screaming along at the top of your lungs through your tears to “Why do I... Why do I... Why do I... keep FUCKING UP???” I mean, or so I hear.
Yeah, it's been done to death but it's such a good song and so perfectly human. Sometimes I go looking for a broken heart just so I'll have an excuse to play it over and over and over. If you can't relate to this one, see Achy Breaky Heart above and follow instructions.
Nothing Compares 2 You
Sorry Prince fans, but it has to be Sinead O'Conner. By Gawd, that girl feels it, knowwhutImean?
Talking Traveling Wilbury's here. Pretty whiny and poor-pitiful-me-ish but that's where you're at right now, right? Especially at No. 2.
Sky Blue and Black
I almost sent Darryl Hannah a thank you note for breaking Jackson Browne's heart and causing him to write the best effen breakup album of all time. This is the ultimate breakup song on the ultimate breakup album friggin' EVER. Listen to the whole album. It takes you all the way through the relationship from beginning to end and final acceptance. How did folks breakup before this came out in 1993?
If you're in a relationship now and want to keep it that way, you should listen to this song too.
“And I'd have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If I'd known that's what you needed
What you needed me to do
But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow.”
I've been in a relationship now for a dozen years, more than all my others put together, and this is one of the the two best bits of advice I've ever heard when it comes to relationships: don't wait until the moment has passed you by...
Oh, the other bit of advice? Stop looking for Ms. (or Mr.) Right. What you really need to find is someone who can put up with YOUR sorry ass.