Once upon a time and then, the end. That's what it felt like. Where did all the love go? I listened to his bad, Melvins meets AC/DC band. I cleaned up his dog's poop; because it was in our bedroom. Nineteen and in love with the  stinkiest, crustiest, gutter punk in town.

Paul was in the audience at one of my band's shows and I announced over the mic that I needed a place to live or a roomate, because I had just been jilted by, " the sensitive artist," type. I fell in love forever a lot when I was young and a lot more hormonal.  So, as my story goes, I fell in love ( my 19 year old version) again with Paul at first site, in an all ages punk bar on a Wednesday, "Alcoholics night," or beer bust. I drank Schaeffer out of a tap in a plastic cup with some of the greats at that dive:  Alex Chilton, Steve Buschemi, Joe Strummer, Jon Doe, Mojo Nixon, and ( who let him in...) Dennis Quaid. I think Dennis was just trying hard to fit in with the, "Bad eggs," when he was in town filming Great Balls of Fire and heard that the cast of Mystery Train had a few drunken, debaucherous nights at the Antenna Club and he felt it was his duty to go out there IN CHARACTER! What a ------------------------- ( you fill in the blank).

I loaded my amp and guitar into my Dodge Dart, Swinger,  that contained all of my earthly possessions, and headed for my new home in a loft above the Dent Dry Cleaner. It was all a crusty like me could've wanted: we did not have to pay for a phone because after five and on the weekends we plugged our phone into Dent Cleaner's line, a big practice space where we could have shows to pay the rent and my own bedroom that I sublet for $100 to somebody else because I lived in Paul's room. That summer was hot, fast, and teenage but felt like a riverboat moving very slowly upstream.  I swore to love him forever and he swore back. The poor boy was a living, " Paradise by the Dashboard Lights."  He was in the phase where sex is just sex and I was in the phase sex equals love. There were a lot of times when I asked myself, self, "why?"  Why did I do his laundry with mine? Why did I make him falafel at 3 a.m. if he even mentioned maybe being hungry for it? Why did I get a woman's leg tattooed on my shoulder to complete the home done tattoo on his shoulder of a winged warrior woman missing a leg? She wasn't supposed to be disabled it's just that the artist was temporarily disabled when he drew the woman. I did it for the possibility that somebody as popular in,"The Scene," and possessed so much talent with every pick slide and dropped D tuning might love me. I just wanted somebody to love me for me.  I realize these are very shallow, but funny in the rearview mirror traits to look for in somebody you think you want to spend the rest of your life with but my coping skills were as poor as my judgement .

When his band, Adios Gringos went on tour I spent that time writing songs about him and recording them. I would surprise him with the ever so important mix tape with some originals about him, my love, for him. Bad idea again. Oops.

When, " Adios,"  returned home I showed him my new,"Lady's Leg," tattoo I had gotten while they were gone and gave him the tape wrapped with a duct tape ribbon. Bad idea. Oops.  He seemed cold and distant when they got home. I gave him a few days to settle in and see if he returned to me and his infatuation.

Three days pass.

Scene: I am riding my bike home through the park next to my art school when I see Paul hanging out with a big group of other crusties and their crustie dogs. As I get closer on my bike I see that he is holding hands; he never held my hand because he said he was against P.D.A.   I stop my bike and get off of it and take a seat on the ground next to her, Glenys. I stared at their hands and said nothing. Paul asked me if I wanted to go for a walk and,"talk."  I got up and we went down to moving upstream with that river boat.

" It's not you it's me." he says

" Really?" I asked kurtly. " Is that really the worst you could come up with for this?"

" Well, I didn't expect to see you in the park. I was going to tell you later."

" That is so comforting, she is 15, you know that right?"

" Um, yeah, but she does her own 'zine and skates and she's just really cool."

The awkward silence mixed with the weird electrical energy we were putting out and it heightened all of my senses. I looked down and my watch stopped at 4:27. To this day I think of Paul if it's 4:27.  I left with some dignity and moved into the rehearsal/ practice space room that my band rented. There was not enough geographical distance between us when I moved but I made the best of life.  It wasn't comfortable but like I said, it was in the neighborhood. That meant I could feel extra humiliated when I had to carry all of my belongings three blocks away because my Swinger had thrown a rod shortly after I moved in above," Dent," and I never fixed the car.

I only went to his house drunk two times. I drank a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 both times. Nobody should be allowed to make a decision while under the influence of puppy love and Mad Dog. But, I did. Bad decision. Oops.

They moved in together within a month. She was a legally emancipated adult so the fact that she was 15 was not statutory rape. It took me a lot of Townes Van Zant, Nick Drake and Gram Parsons to get him out of me but I did.  He got her name tattooed professionally in big black block letters across his abdomen. A friend of mine runs a tattoo shop called, Underground Art in Memphis. They did the, " Glenys," tattoo for him...that's how I knew. What I also know is that less than a year later she jilted him for a 22 year old happy, charming and successful indie record label owner. She was exposed to a very happy life after Paul and so was I. I heard he went back to Underground Art and got another tattoo over her name. I guess his new girlfriend didn't enjoy reading another girl's name every time they were naked. I still have the lady's leg on my shoulder to always remind me of my summer of left and twice a day it passes by another 4:27.