I was almost fourteen when I ran away from Mississippi to Austin, TX. I was lucky to fall in with a group of street kids and not some porn or prostitution ring. I had two really god friends who were twins and went to Austin High. Sasha was my best friend and Paul my boyfriend ( we held hands) . I spent my first year on the street spare changing, sleeping in doorways-rain, snow, heat or hail. I was the mailperson of doorways. I met Paul and Sasha after I had been batheing in a gas station bathroom, spending my days at the librarys, taking a nap in the perk in the afternoon so I could stay up all night because it was illegal to sleep outside at night and although I did it, I tried to keep it to a minimum. The twins, like I said went to Austin High. They got an art teacher to vouch for breakfast and lunch programs for me and afer lunch I took her art class. This is probaly why I am an artist today. The weather has been great here so I have ben able to paint on my screened in back porch.
I feel unhappy though. Yes, I try as hard s I can to stay busy and have that good attitude. Lately it has not been working for me. I want to go home to Memphis/ Mississippi. I plan on living in Memphis though. The whole reason I moved to a small town in Appalachia was to rehabilitate from brain surgeries...and I did. Lately I have found myself longing for a city where I have more access to music, art and literature. Am I being selfish? Should I be content wherever I am because wherever I am there I am.
The place I live now is a zinc mining town and tobacco production. There is a lot of illness due to varios industries and it is fucking depressing. I feel isolatied and it makes every muscle ache. My significant other is tied down to one of tese second shift factory jobs and around a lot of danger. He is unhappy and because he has taken care of me through illness, has insurance at work and lives near his parents (he is 34) he is hesitant to leave.
Media is feding us a lot of fer every day and night. Our unemployment rate is a lot higher than the rest of the country at 20%. I feel like I am losing it so to speak.
When I lived in Austin there was a guy who went by the nickname of, Troll. At the time I did not know what he meant but he told me I was a butterfly with gypsy blood. Hmmn.
The only place hiring around here is Wal- Mart. My Mother -in Law has actually suggested that because I am disabled it looks like the perfect job for me is a Wal-Mart greeter. That has got to be he worst job in the store besides the fact that the store is a piece of junk anyway.
I don't know if I am having sime sort of early mid life crisis or if I am really making a good decision by getting the hell out of here.
Oh yeah, I just had an operation for ovarian cancer so that could have A LOT to do with it. But c'mon, even if I didn't have a radical surgery don;t you think I need a raducal change or at least some spare change!
Sometimes I wish I was that runaway again. I think I romantacize it but it keeps me out of my head when I don't need o be there. Love, capo
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Kathy Knechtges
Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo
Kind of Blue
Michael Mitchell
Wordsmith
the ranting boomer
Salon.com
Comments
I left home at 17. I had led a sheltered wholesome existence. My parents were under tremendous stress. My Dad had just lost his long time job at 50 and he was having psychiatric problems. In those days it was a tabu topic (mental illness) and there wasn't much you could do about it. They had 5 kids and I think they were TERRIFIED. I think that my Mom was trying to assert control over something. In her day you did not even talk back to your parents and you did as you were told. For some reason I was a cocky know-it-all and I didn't want anyone telling me what to do from about 15 1/2. My Mom decided to go from normal ok strictness, to extreme strictness when we were teenagers. Too late. As Dr. Phil said, if you have an authoritarian parent who keeps beating down on a rebellious child that child is going to REBEL. The child says, "you're are not going to break my spirit!" Exactly. I think my Mom was trying to protect me and had legitimate concerns. I TOOK IT LIKE THEY WERE BECOMING MONSTERS AND THEY DID NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE. THEY WERE REJECTING ME.
I did some dangerous things, and had some wonderful times. I hitchiked from California to Michigan by myself. Lucky to be alive too.
My Mom and I healed, my Dad died in the middle of it all.
My husband of 9 years is the one who really cares, likes me for who I am, and has my best interests at heart.
We moved to a small town by a Lake, he is retired and we like it here.
I hope that you find a way back to happiness. Love K.
One of my friends I admire and respect most is a WalMart greeter. He has made it into a more than just a wage. There is no job you cannot bring some dignity to.
I hope things will improve for you.