Seeing as I have had to prepare Sunday School lessons for my sick cousin teacher, I thought I would share my list of Top 10 questions the kids in class will be asked to think about. Input from their parents and all concerned will be appreciated since theologians in the best Colleges of Divinity across Christendom have been struggling with these conundrums for centuries.

1) Adam and Eve's sons, Cain and Abel, had wives whom they married, and then had children, and those children married and had children, etc., etc., till the Holy Land was populated with their progeny. This makes Adam and Eve's clan a tad more inbred than the Beverly Hillbillies or the nice Texas clan in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Is it possible that God had a rack of Playboy Bunnies on ice that he thawed out at appropriate moments to make ready-made, genetically diverse wives available for all those grandsons and great grandsons? And what about the grand daughters? Did God have an Artificial Insemination clinic set up for them?

2) Was the Artificial Insemination clinic administered under a Single Payer System?

3) Did Adam have a navel? Was it an innie or an outie? (This question has haunted theologians for centuries) The sensitivity of this issue may be the reason why there are no Navel oranges grown in the citrus orchards of Haifa in Israel, under a reciprocal non-disclosure agreement with fanatical American Christian Zionist supporters of Israel.

4) The removal of Adam's rib...is this why the first Chicken 'n Rib shacks in the Holy Land (Solomon's Secret Sauce Chicken Wings Take-Out, Jezebel's Juicy Joint, etc.) usually forgot about the ribs...remember ribs come from pork, and Dead Sea pedestrians weren't exactly encouraged to chow down on Porky Pig type dinners.

5) The fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil...was the fruit full of pesky seeds like a pomegranate, or one of those weird fruits like a quince that no right-thinking Bible thumping American has ever seen, or was the fruit good for baking into pies and cobblers like a good old fashioned peach or even a racy foreign exotic New Zealand kiwi? Its portrayal as an 'apple' has just been an artistic convention and was instituted so as to provide a decent name for the 'Adam's apple' in the male larynx. I mean, can you imagine calling that thing an 'Adam's kumquat?'

6) Was Eve trying to make a blender 'smoothie' with a bunch of chopped up fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and lacing it with booze to get Adam to take it and at least get a little decent nourishment...since Adam wasn't doing any work in paradise, was just lolling around, putting on weight, and like any modern lazy American couch potato male he was becoming a slob with no exercise and a complete disregard for wholesome fruits and veggies all enabled by a kowtowing Bible-browbeaten mousy wife perpetuating a dysfunctional lifestyle. Did God get pissed because Eve broke a Paradise liquor licensing arrangement?

7) Was 'the Serpent' an early experiment in a woman-centered sex toy apparatus like the ones pioneered much later by the San Francisco based women's co-op sex shoppe 'Good Vibrations?' Was God pissed again because Eve empowered herself to take responsibility for her own sexual satisfaction...communing with 'The Serpent' so to speak.

8) While in Paradise did Adam and Eve sleep on a King-sized or Queen-sized mattress and box spring?

9) Was the Adam and Eve experience the first experiment in Reality TV? If so, were both of them voted out of Eden by Satan...or did the ratings just fizzle and God shut it down.

10) When finally cast out of Paradise Adam and Eve both started sporting fig leaves. Did Eve have to get a Brazilian bikini wax so as not to pop out any embarassing tufts of muffin lawn?

This first set of Top Ten Questions for my cousin's Sunday School students will be followed by a Q & A and I'm sure a positive response. Inquiring minds want to know.