After spending the weekend with my parents, I feel the need to document some things.
1) My mother insists on having a bird-feeder, but this is very time-consuming for her. She gets upset when the squirrels eat all the birds' food. This means that whenever she is home, she must sit where she can see it and fight inequality in the natural world by blundering outside and wielding her anti-squirrel bell.
(Mom's anti-squirrel bell)
2) Which doesn't, by the way, keep her from having this fake squirrel live in her house.
(Mom's fake squirrel)
3) Perhaps the fake squirrel is just trying to reunite with the fake croissant that lives in the other room.
(Mom's fake croissant)
4) Yet none of this can compete with my father's strange hybrid of shadow boxing and mock martial arts morning exercises. In high school they prompted a friend who was sleeping over to run into my room to alert me that "something was happening" to my father
5) My father (as I'm supposed to) sleeps with a football-style mouthguard to curb his teeth grinding. The same high school friend was also lucky enough to meet with this mouth-guarded apparition while using the toilet at night. There were screams.
6) For years, my father has had nothing for breakfast but plain yogurt, wheat germ, and bananas. Furthermore, he will only have this in his "special bowl." When a friend of his came for breakfast, he was startled to find himself being asked quietly to unhand my father's bowl.
(Dad's special bowl)
7) My father is also passionately attached to his special reading chair, which appears to be the favorite snack of the fake squirrel.
(Dad's special reading chair)
8) My parents have had two Airedale dogs in a row and they feel the need to commemorate this…by collectiing Airedale paraphernalia.
(The dog)
(The paraphernalia)
9) Before the dog paraphernalia there was the Native American leader paraphernalia. These are relics from my mother's Native American phase.
10) Finally, my mother is convinced that her small, white cat will be scooped up by a large bird one day, so she won't take her outside without a leash. Even the dog finds this a little suspect.
(The dog finding it suspect)
(Mom's squirrel with mom's squirrel bell)
What cracks you up about your parents?
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My mother must have a morning paper and her tea and toast. It is like crack cocaine. If we are away, this means someone must go and find her a hometown paper somewhere in the morning before breakfast. My father takes his pills out of an old shot glass. There has been no whiskey in the house since 1964 probably. But the pills are always taken in a whiskey glass. Hearing aids are to be placed somewhere in the ether, they are never worn or turned up just constantly lost. No one thinks to bring the next dose along for the ride or the battery for the scooter or the hearing aid that has been lost for three days. The cell phone answering machine is never answered and the house phone ring is turned down too low to hear over the blaring TV. OK you get the feeling don't you Caroline? I will be there sooner than later so this is all in loving jest.
The fake croissant looks like an internal body organ.
{[R]}
(I hope that no houseguest has ever broken a tooth on the fake croissant!)
You should get a little sweater for the cat that makes it look like something a bird wouldn't want to pick up. Porcupine? Then it wouldn't need the leash.
Funny as always, Caroline.
I will have to admit, however, that I did laugh at the chair. Then, I turned around and rated the post.
Caroline, go easy on us old ones. It doesn't take as much to entertain us as it used to. You'll see . . . one day!
As my father used to say, everybody is a little strange except you and me, and you're a little strange.
Enjoyed this!
Best Wishes,
Blittie
i dont know if you have experienced this yet, but you starting to have little things you love to have around the house. I have, my thing is crystal and wool... oh ya... i said wool. I use it but i have way too much and when i see a sale i go insane and must have it because i dont know when it will be that cheap... I forgot to mention, my gramma collect wool too....
So i am much like her, but i wouldnt want it any other way....
What'll they be writing about us in 30 years... you gotta wonder!
Rated for the humor
My father died (painlessly) of brain cancer. He spend three months deteriorating during which time he got nicer and more gentle. Over and over again he would try to change the TV channel with the cordless phone. I would replace the phone in his hand with the remote. He would get distracted by that and chat for awhile, then set the remote down, pick up the phone, and again try to change the channel.
There's nothing funny about my mother.
I assume that to reupholster your father's favorite reading chair would cause the earth to reverse on it's axis?
I don't know if I'd dare expose my mother's little quirks in my blog--she actually reads it.
rated for good laughs!
Owl: they are absolutely lovely
femme forte: I'm starting to think the squirrels like it
rita: don't be sorry! I'm so glad to have hit a nerve.
Karin: yeah the cat on the leash kind of takes the cake. thanks for reading
FunsunA: she's probably saying, "I find it suspect that you're on a leash"
Linda: yes…the chair…gotta love it. I know I do
AtHomePilgrim: that he did, that he did!
Rita: I'm glad that came through and that it didn't just seem like I was mercileslly mocking them
caroline marie: so glad to have made you smile
L. Lawrence: I'm thinking he might have a little Archie in him
sophie: they certainly are characters
Jeanette: no, so far their teeth have remained safe:)
Sarah: it's pretty great
LuminousMuse: aw, thank you
Terry: i enjoyed your description of your parents. Oh and I'm so getting that porcupine sweater for the cat
Cranky Cuss: If I did an expose on myself, you just wouldn't believe how weird things can get. I'm sure your daughter and I would provide plenty of fodder.
dlvstudent: quixotic is the perfect word
Nelle: I think a plastic bag collection sounds hilarious
Theresa: they are certainly unique
Joan: no, wonderful stuff like that
jen: it just may be a colon. who can be sure?
rice paddie: I'm thinking a prop from the Alien movies is more believable
Harvey: I'll have to give her your tip. Oh and don't worry. I love them and know how strange I am:)
Blittie: thanks!
Faith: me, too:)
Jonathan: thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the quirks
snortels: aw, your gramma sounds so cute!
Connie: believe me, I do wonder!
bluestocking babe: oh your paranoid papa is cute:)
Kate: thank so much. I'm sure you would get along.
Christine Geery: I'm cherishing.
cartouche: oh dear me:)
dalriadane: that's so funny because my father loves to sing and particularly loves to sing good old Hank
Lainey: I'm glad you enjoyed it
Halloween Maven: everyone is saying that. there must be something to that internal organ croissant thing, haha
Chuck: but so do I. I don't think we're old, just eccentric.
Bernadine: what a great gift idea. thanks for reading
Alysa: no, definitely never boring.
Gratefuldan: I'd love to read it
Bellwether: NASCAR, eh? interesting
Gwool: on my way:)
Oryoki: now that would be a great decoy
Lea: oh so sorry to hear that
Trudge: I dunno, but I hope so
Cognitive Dissonance: bird feeders are all the rage
Catherine: that's just adorable
nerd cred: oh parents. I love the stories
Shiral: I think the Native American phase came before the bell. To reupholster my father's chair would be sacrilege:) Oh and my parents both read my blog. I think they liked the post.
trilogy: yes, it seems to have created quite a stir
Oculanervosa: ha! that's good stuff
gardenia jasmin: thanks so much
Adrian: I definitely count myself lucky.
marco polo: I'll send you my mother's squirrel bell in the mail.
Bonnie: Thanks for the links and your parents sound adorable.
Matt: oh you're so right about that one.
I myself had to stop throwing hangars nd whatever else was on hand near the door at the the squirrels...no we all share in peace
...and I don't keep a vigel...in fact sometimes the birds let me know the feeder is empty by screeching when I walk to the car....In the winter , the turkeys will look be right at the doo...looking for scraps
But now I must go take care of mundane tasks..
be rest assured , my day
will be so much better
as I remember all the funny (crazy)things my parents did!
I think I found my next post! lol thanks again
lol
please feel free to delete one or two or three! :D
(I'd give..almost..anything to be able to go back to my parents house : ))
justthinking: so maybe the leash is a good idea:) Thanks for reading