Caroline Marie

caroline marie

caroline marie
northern city, United States
July 24
Temperamental Story Teller
posts will tell


JANUARY 17, 2010 9:03PM

Love Letter

Rate: 6 Flag

I pray for comfort.  

You are there.  

You can't deny that while I clutch my rosary beads

your tree limbs tap my window panes.  

Your cool breath inflates my heart.  

I fall into a dreamy sleep

of lives I haven't lived

and some I still could.

Your green leaves eagerly await my next move.  

I make an appointment at the clinic. 

I pray for you to leave.  

I'm not ready.  

I've loved you my whole life

writing names in my diary, boy names and girl names

knowing you are a girl.

Packing away barbies,

saving them for you.  

But I'm not myself yet

so how can you be you?

Your mouth fills with words I place on your tongue.  

Tree limbs stretch

scribbling your songs on the sky.  

How to describe the smell of fat rain drops

splashing on parched stone?  

That is you.  

In my childhood, there was a giant doll 

standing in a neighbor's window--

the neighbor whose little girl was taken

from the park

leaving behind that doll.  

Her mother placed it in the window--

its arms reaching out as far back as I can remember.  

I love you.  

I love your father too.  

Go back to where you come from--

you won't miss anything here.

Please come back another time.  

I'll be waiting.  


Bitterness dissolves on my tongue like a thin wafer

leaving only want. 

The day before my appointment

I sit on the toilet.

My prayers are answered.  

You swoop from my womb into the clouds

squealing with laughter.  

Then fall back down beneath the black soil

never seen.

In nightmares

a twisted creature writhes it's way from between my legs

riding on a bloody waterfall.  

But that is not real. 

Mourning seems silly.  

Instead, for days I fill my mouth

with dark, moist cake.  

It is like filling my mouth and ears and eyes

with soft sweet baby flesh.

Or pressing myself deep into the cool crumbly earth

and finding god.

I wait for you to come back.  

I live

and I wait.


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Welcome to OS! This is just lovely....I'm putting it on the love letter post...xox
Thank you very much, Robin!
Stunning writing! You put so much into those last, terse sentences. You have a huge talent and i look forward to reading more.
Thank you so much, Alison! Positive feedback really means a lot to me right now.
My oh My...this is wonderful...haunting...beautiful...
And as I just left a note on the latest post you wrote...I can identify with this one too. Welcome to OS
This is so wistful and wise. I agree with Robin, it should be on the 'love letter' post. Rated.
Oh my god, dear, do you have any idea how very talented you are? This is stunning.
Stunning and sweet and simple and complicated. I just love your writing. r
This is breathtaking. I am so happy you are on OS.