I'm stuck.

Stuck in a fog of inertia, busywork, routine.

At least the last couple of weeks there was a heat wave to take the blame.

Now there's just me, watching the hours pass.  Tick, tick, tick...Summer into Fall.

I am typing this with a headache and I want to take a nap.  But no, I cannot allow another wasted day.

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I remember very clearly when my newly single mother was standing in our kitchen and telling me about all the possibilities that lay before her.

"Or I could become a taxi driver! Wouldn't that be fun?  I could drive around the city talking with different people, hearing their stories.  And I could finally finish my book!  Write magazine articles, and a children's book too!"

Flash forward 30 years later.  My mom doesn't write or leave the house.  She had an office job for 10 years and was sexually harassed.  Now she mostly watches TV or surfs the internet, wasting time, tick, tick, tick... 

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Then there is my friend Jo, who is a real force of nature.  We've known each other our whole lives.

A really tough cookie, Jo grew up in the 'hood amid gutted, charred house frames and rats running down her school hallways.   She was determined to get out of the ghetto and  become an Important and Powerful Person.  Her strong personality, force of will and strong work ethic  had everyone guessing that one day she would be mayor of Chicago.  That's what her relatives called her: "the Mayor."  No problem was too big or small for Jo to confront head on.  Once when her city bus route changed, teenaged Jo started a petition, got hundreds of signatures, made the calls, got the bus route back.  Typical Jo.

Jo and I were also college roommates.  Her hard work and determination couldn't bring her the A's I got without even trying.  She often complained that I was the luckiest person she knew, things came too damn easy for me.  She was mostly referring to grades and I think surviving day to day without much effort.

Jo never made it into politics.  Despite countless hours of prepping and studying, she could never get a decent score on her LSAT.  Her booming loud voice, aggressive mannerisms, and street smarts versus book smarts did not win her any mentors or allies in her career.

Eventually Jo became all bluster, determination and no direction.  Now she is a bitter, angry suburban housewife.  When she told me she had breast cancer two years ago, I cried for days.  I just could not believe that this was how her story would end.

She's in remission now.  Spends a lot of time running errands, cleaning the house, getting into fights with the neighbors.  Tick, tick, tick....

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Here's another vivid memory.  I'm telling my college boyfriend that I can't wait to travel the world:  Europe, Africa, Asia.  He replies that he'd like to see some of the national parks right here in the U.S., but that's it.

I was shocked.  Honestly I just could not understand how someone would turn their back on the great big beautiful world and be content to stay in one tiny corner of it.  My whole opinion of him changed.  We broke up within months.

Now I am 42 and you guessed it, I have never left the continent.  A health problem makes it unlikely I'll ever be able to fly again.

Tick, tick, tick...

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When I graduated college, I went on exactly one interview and got a job that I really liked.  What a great start!  My new boss was someone who everyone revered as a wise older woman.  She loved me.

I'll never forget the message she once wrote to me in a card , I'm sure I still have it somewhere.  "One day I will be reading in the newspaper about you and your great accomplishments.  I am sure of this."

Tick, tick, tick...