Caroline Marie

caroline marie

caroline marie
northern city, United States
July 24
Temperamental Story Teller
posts will tell


FEBRUARY 2, 2013 2:45PM

Not Saying Goodbye To My Soul Mate Just Yet

Rate: 9 Flag

M age 12 1/2 in 2008

One evening about 12 years ago, I took M out for a quick walk before going to the theater. There was a yellow light at the very busy intersection we needed to cross, and I decided to make a run for it. Sadly, I was wearing giant platform heels at the time which lead to my landing face down in the middle of the street JUST as 3 lanes of cars started to head right for us.

The leash had flown out of my hand, probably as I was mid-air, and you know what M did?

He sat down - facing the on-coming traffic - right between my head and the cars.

Oh my little shaver. 

I have several memories like this, examples of him gallantly trying to save my life, or at least keep me from hurting myself.

Every year before I had Penny, M and I would drive to the Superior National Trail in Minnesota and spend a weekend hiking together. The trail is not really designed for out of shape, uncoordinated city girls like me - and yet with M's help, I could walk across a log over a rushing stream, climb narrow ledges and make it back to the hotel (ha! you didn't think I camped - did you?) in one piece.

The few snapshots of those hikes that I can recall are: 

  • A path so narrow I could only walk with one foot in front of the other, alongside a drop-off that had to be at least 50 feet - we were high above the tops of trees. I put his leash on because it seemed like we should be tethered together in this scenario.  At one point, I of course slipped and I can vividly remember the way M clenched his nails into the ground and pulled away from me as I used the leash to help me climb back up. 
  • A make-shift bridge linking two rocky hills. (sorry, I don't really know the correct terms for any of these nature scenes).  Whenever a foot bridge could be seen ahead in the trail,  M would run ahead, cross it, come back, then wait for me at the head so that he could be with me as I crossed it.  He liked to test them first before letting me get on!
Well in this case, he put one paw out onto the "bridge," then one more, and then backed -up and sat down, refusing to let us go any further. 

"Oh, all right," I said and together we climbed down one side of the rocky hill and up the other - instead of using the bridge. 

  • Getting to the top of a huge hill (mountain?), overlooking both the autumn-colored forest and the crashing waves of Lake Superior. I sat down, and M sat next to me and together we smiled wide-eyed, and breathed in deeply and KNEW that we were both feeling the same awe together. 
These are some of the things I'm thinking about today, as both the vet and kind family and friends talk to me about quality of life and making loving decisions.
And the thing is, I know deep in my heart that M does NOT want to go now. Maybe soon, but not right now. I'll keep you posted.

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ah, Caroline. Such difficult moments. Our animals are innocent and free from all of the sins that sentence people to death. There is only the good, the memories, an such heart ~how we love them. They've done nothing wrong. What kicks in then is - again - how we love them. What would we want, given their situation?

Unfortunately, we aren't yet given that choice as humans, so it seems a little unnatural to be making it for someone else we care for so much. When you are both ready... I pray the answer will become clear for you. I've had pets pass on, but never had to assist in the process. It's got to be heart wrenching. So sorry for your sweet dog.
I know that thinking about putting a pet to sleep is an incredibly tough, awful decision to have to make. I understand where you're coming from with believing that M. isn't ready to go yet. From what you've written here, I think you guys do have a connection. Whatever decision you make, I'm so glad that you have these wonderful memories.
Sorry, finger slipped - I wanted to add, of course, that I send love and hopeful thoughts to you guys. My boyfriend's family dog got cancer and then went into remission. He stayed around for a long time - and many vets who were consulted, felt that it was because he simply wasn't ready to give in and pass on. When the time came, though, my boyfriend's mom knew. I do believe pets and their owners can have a connection like this. As long as M's suffering is nonexistent, or minimal, I think you're right to keep him with you, if you think that's what he wants.
This fills my heart right up. xox
This is so sweet. Peace to you and M.
For making the right choice. old girl is slowing down and having good and bad days, she looks a lot like your old guy. Sending only good calming thoughts.
aww, caroline. one of the hardest things we face. i trust your judgement, and so does m. sending much love and hugs to you.
yes and you will know when but NOT YET! lovely, cm R
yes and you will know when but NOT YET! lovely, cm R
yes and you will know when but NOT YET! lovely, cm R
Murray sounds like a charmer. And a love. I'm sorry for your loss.