Caroline Marie

caroline marie

caroline marie
northern city, United States
July 24
Temperamental Story Teller
posts will tell


JANUARY 17, 2013 6:51PM


Post I started December 9th:

Here's what it looks like out my window:

I'm feeling pretty good right now -the snow is so beautiful and the harsh weather reminds me how fortunate I am to have a cozy home, a full fridge, etc.

Penny has been holed up inRead full post »

OCTOBER 4, 2012 8:56PM


Today was our first day of autumn, weatherwise. Cool with power gusts of wind. Don't take the last of the leaves. I'm not ready to let them go.

My dog collapsed today. Upstairs. I called the neighbors and a woman who lives on the corner that I barely know came rushing over… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 10, 2012 12:09AM

I just want someone to bear witness....

bear witness to the absurdity of my walking down my street with a barely clothed teenager's arms wrapped around my waist. She is walking while bending, her top of her head somewhere below my bosom. It is hard for me to walk this way.

Meanwhile, I am holding onto the dog's… Read full post »

AUGUST 26, 2012 3:01PM

Road Trip Reflections

Well, I did it again -- another cross-country road trip, this time with an even more elderly dog (15 1/2 !) and a girl who just crossed the threshhold from tween to teen (14!) This was our third and final extended road trip, I swear to God and if you ever… Read full post »

Some seemingly eccentric folks approach their whole life as if it were an art project- a canvas for pushing boundaries, evoking and experiencing strong feelings and connecting with a wide array of humans. They avoid falling into ruts, or at least they realize when that happens and then they shift gea… Read full post »

Good God, the street lights are on at 1:30 pm on yet another dark June afternoon. 

I've been laying on the couch for days, only showering at night before going to meet friends for wine and conversation. It could be worse - I could have no friends.

I dropped Penny off… Read full post »

I am not the most warm, open, loving person. I wish I were, but I am not sure how to make the transformation.

I am also not at my best right now, what with the PTSD affecting me the way that it is. It is my own fault for letting Penny… Read full post »

Ugghhh. It's pitch black outside at 11:30 am -- and that's messing with my perpective on this carefree June afternoon. It doesn't feel gloomy, just sleepy and surreal.

I don't have anywhere to be until 2 pm. And I'm alone. That's good.

I dreamt last night that I had to move into… Read full post »

Right at this moment I am grateful for:

1) The spring sun sparkling on the green leaves outside my window.

2)  Working from home today! I don't FEEL like going into the office, so I don't have to.

3) The fresh blueberries, vanilla yogurt and plain cake donut that is waiting… Read full post »

APRIL 15, 2012 5:41PM

Passing Storms

I am about to make a broad generalization that has proven true for me thus far:  alternative health care (eastern, integrative, holistic, etc) works better than western medicine.

I have convinced my daughter to more regularly take the GABA supplement our integrative clinic recommended and I alre… Read full post »

APRIL 9, 2012 5:54PM

Where Do All the Bad Feelings Go?

My daughter woke up as a two-year-old today.

She cried, screamed and wailed like only a toddler can. Her shrieks sounded like "waaaah, waaaaah."  At one point, she kept repeating "I'm hungry, I'm hungry" while her breakfast was right in front of her. I believe she repeated it for a solid… Read full post »

APRIL 1, 2012 4:01PM

Love and My Blog Hiatus

I have written the beginnings of about a dozen posts in the past several months, but can't seem to finish any. My outer life is going fairly smoothly at the moment (knock on wood) and my inner life has been focused on love, shame, god, and other such things I can't… Read full post »

The astoundingly mild weather we are having is causing me to leave the house regularly and have fun-- something that is unprecedented for me in February. Instead of winter blahs I feel pretty good.

After Penny's bad week, I picked up her up from school on Friday and declared a Night of… Read full post »

DECEMBER 30, 2011 2:45PM

2011 wasn't so bad

Since the last post, things quickly improved at my house--big time. Penny wrote me a note (about 50% of our communication is through notes) that said "Let's have a Magnificent Return of the Christmas Spirit Day (MRCSD)!"

That night, we baked a batch of cookies (peanut butter w/ Dove dark… Read full post »

DECEMBER 21, 2011 2:04PM

So Far Away From the Sun

Here we are again, facing the darkest night of the year.  If we can just get through it, without the demons driving us mad, then tomorrow we can begin to journey towards light, redemption and transformation. 

Right now my girl is in bed, immobile, consumed with grief. She doesn't know

Read full post »

I am not good enough of a writer to accurately express how crappy this Christmas season has become.

The smells of almond extract, vanilla and other cookie deliciousness are not here.  Most of our favorite holiday movies are unwatched. 

The frazier fir in the living room is mocking us.

There… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 6, 2011 4:22PM

If I knew then, what I know now......

Autumn is lasting longer than it usually does in these parts. The blindingly yellow trees on the boulevard keep waking me from my trance and that is a good thing.  While taking a walk, I picked up an overturned leaf then gasped when I saw its brilliant orange hue against its… Read full post »

Fall seems like a good time to confront our demons. 

If all of my comforts were stripped away:  dark chocolate bars with lime & chilis, inane sitcom reruns, corn chips and salsa,  the five pillows on my bed, giant trees outside all of my windows, advil for my aches &… Read full post »

AUGUST 27, 2011 1:36PM

Where I Am in the World

The only place I can breathe is in the ocean where the waves do all the work: in and out, in and out.

I took deep breaths on my vacation at the ocean.  I relaxed.

My daughter never, ever relaxes and while I was inhaling the salty air I tried

Read full post »
AUGUST 6, 2011 12:56PM

Quick as Lightening Update

I'm getting ready to hit the open road.  Packing up the kid, the dog and heading for the ocean--hopefully today but no rush, because I like to do things slow and easy.  In fact, sometimes I move so slowly it appears that I have not moved at all.  I have been… Read full post »

JULY 31, 2011 12:11PM

At least no one got tasered

I haven't been spending much time on OS because I have discovered the trauma mommas online community - moms who adopted kids like mine.  I've been lurking there a lot, learning some new ways to cope. Some moms are great at it - using humor to stay positive, other moms seem… Read full post »

JULY 17, 2011 1:22PM

Five Minutes of Impending Doom

After a stressful day, sleep finally comes at 2 am. Crashing storms and a panicked dog wake me two hours later.

Then the power goes out, and my anxious mind spins into a frenzy.

There's an extreme heat warning for the next few days, what if we're still out ofRead full post »

Bluestocking Babe gave me a great idea for a post to have on top of my page while I take a several-week hiatus. Looking at my blog stats was a fun way for me to procrastinate from my school work  -- so here you go-

Caroline Marie's Blog in Review

Last Year'sRead full post »

MAY 19, 2011 2:30PM

Staying Sane 101

Staying sane in stressful conditions requires:

1) Noticing daily what can make you pause, breathe deep and smile.

I have my beloved creek and this view from my front window:


What regularly makes you pause and smile? 

2) Calming, mind-numbing creative outlets in times of turmoil.

&… Read full post »

MAY 14, 2011 1:23PM

Coming Between a Girl and Her Mom

My regular readers must think that either I or my daughter have Multiple Personality Disorder.  Sometimes I post about her as if she had a trail of cartoon bluebirds following her, and  other times I hint at the hellishness of living with such an emotionally unstable kid.

Both are true. &nb… Read full post »