The casting call came nearly one year ago (November 20, 2008 to be exact).  I fell quickly and hard for the siren’s lure and crashed upon the rocks that taunted me with the promise of lights and a built-in audience.  There was no audition process; I simply accepted the terms of service and found myself among a chorus of voices, thrilled to be part of the show, hoping to be discovered, recognized and perhaps even heard. I realized quickly that the producers and directors often had a different vision of what the staged version of this production might be and each of us in our own way practiced our lines diligently or performed them unrehearsed.  At times, the choreography of it all was made up as we went along and other times, we danced together as if we had been an ensemble for years.  We were ballet and poetry in motion.  Night and day, the show went on.  It does and it will.

The cast changed often and quickly, as quickly as some of the understudies or stars that burst upon the scene one day, seemingly taking the audience by storm, while others flickered out before they even had the chance to be discovered.  Some occasionally got top billing and others took permanent cover on the Playbill while others went unnoticed or neglected.   They do and they still will.

In a year’s time, I have experimented with mime, the abstract, improv, elocution, the theater of the absurd, occasional stand up (and sit down) comedy as well as searching for the heart of the matter, championing causes and encouraging (or demanding) change.  I dug deep, deeper, gleaned, guarded, guided, frolicked and shared. I learned set design and recognized that the constant rehearsal schedule was oftentimes grueling if not downright overwhelming.  There were voices that mesmerized me from the opening paragraph; others that reduced me to unspeakable tears and others still that silenced me into a well of stillness that runs deep into my heart.  Your words have become inkwells that I remember while I am sleeping and I often go back to dip my toe in the beauty of your memory weeks or months after you have pierced my soul with something else.

Every morning (noon and night) I eagerly snuck on this enormous stage of talent and tended to my garden and landscaped many others.  I found voices in my head that were being written by others that needed to be heard.  I came across memories that sprang forth like jolts of electricity and stepped on mirrors of my own heart that could break glass just by reading between the cracked lines.   I met myself over and over in a constantly changing cast, found myself in lifelong sentences and engaged in banter, frivolity and role-play.  It was a role that evolved and reinvented itself over the course of nearly one year, much as my life had unfolded before me for the previous 48. It was completely unscripted, unexpected, joyful, painful, stimulating, provocative, confusing; it was peppered with laughter and truth. 

The costume changes here are  amazing, the evolution of thoughts and ideas play continuously in my head like mellifluously uttered soliloquies. The growth of this experiment is something I am proud to have been a part of for as long as you have allowed me to participate in it.  The sense of community and friendships that formed both offstage and on are as real as the realization that I can no longer sustain this one-woman show of my own making.  I need to attend to matters on the stage of real life that are as full of much promise as they are of promises broken.  While I try to put pieces of my life and spirit back together, make order, move forward, explore opportunities and free myself of the notion that this place can (and will) thrive without me for what may be a long while (it will), know that I need the time to go and answer some of the questions that have bothered me so.  

To and for all of you who have been a part of my life here on OS, (and off), I thank you for what you have given me with your presence of mind and heart.  Your intellect and generous spirits have touched and moved me and are tender to the touch.  You are not losing me.  I am simply in a time and place in my life where I need to focus the spotlight of my future inwardly.  A part of me will always be here; my posts will remain up for those who are interested in rummaging through the cluttered dressing room that I am leaving behind.  It is not with sadness but with a joyful heart that I will quietly exit this stage and head for a life that is calling me to take on a different role for which there are no words to properly explain it nor explanations that can adequately define it. It is going to take up a significant amount of my time.

These kinds of roles and opportunities don’t come up often and when they do, they usually show up when you least expect them.  They challenge and ask much; when we are really lucky, they yield more than we could possibly hope for or dream of.  For those of you who have followed along on my journey, I think you know quite well by now, roles like these seem to suit me just fine. If life has taught me anything, it is that we just never know where we might land. I am happy to have landed here for nearly one year and leave you with love and respect.  Pay it forward.  

Curtain falls.