"Know thyself" was, of course, the famous dictum of the Delphic Oracle  (and for all you neo-classicists, the Oracle in The Matrix). "Know thy posts" is the starter's call to the horses at Epsom (those Brits are so classical, as are their horses).  And "Know thy editors" is apparently Rupert Murdoch's maxim (a classy Aussie, not).  But see how these three threads are woven together in your journey to win the OS trifecta: ratings, EP and Cover.

                                                 Open Salon Membership

               All numbers are percentages calculated to fourth decimal place

Do not be afeared, little butterfly. Knowing thyself will not require an elementary course in statistics, or Buddha forfend, an MBA. The Master will guide you through to self-knowledge and  the Nirvana that awaits you in three easy steps as the chakras above and those that follow are fused into your soul in the nine-fold manifestation of Shakti.

Step I: Who am I?

Gaze upon the diagram above, created by experts in the higher mathematics, biometrics, hermeneutics by scanning thousands of avatars, bios and indeed the obscure emanations called blogs.

The broad outlines are easy to comprehend. Of the members, 26% are identifiable as Geezers (gender neutral), 36% as Adults with Responsibilities (which is not to say responsible adults) and the rest as Party Animals.

Take A:  Are these Adults with Responsibilities worn out by the ravell'd sleeve of care, grown old before their time? Or are they adults saddled with caring for their Aged P's, to borrow from Dickens?

B is easy:  Who would begrudge these frazzled folk a toke or two?

C : Same thing with Gramps guzzling Old Grandad.

But D may be serious, the 5% of codgers with kids hitting the sauce and making whoop-de-do.

Step II: Ye are what ye eat

Next, butterfly, examine closely what is written on Open Salon and categorize, categorize.

                                                         Open Salon Posts

If you overlay the membership map onto the map of the posts, do you not see a beauteous correspondence?  It is not a perfect fit, to be sure, because of the phenomenon known as non-corresponding Vesica Pisces  over multiple Eulerian sets. I wrote a paper on that once.

But understanding the math is not essential to the Shining Path to OS Heaven. Just note the categories and the percentages, and follow the  examples closely.

Pure Rant:  Generally in bold all caps (asterisks and spelling optional). For example:  ROTWEILERS, EAT S**T & DIE.

Absolutely Serious: Prospects of Peace between Rottweilers and Leprechauns.  

Poopy Pablum:  Do leprechauns shit in the woods? Green faerie dust as Organic Fertilizer.

And now, the overlaps:

"So, master, self-aware adepts could channel their energies towards their mapped circles  -  a Geezer could rant, a Party Animal could chew on pap without any party poopers around and so on - and ultimate OS bliss would ensue?"

"Ah, butterfly, butterfly, if the universe existed on only two levels, that would indeed be so. But now we must ascend to the third level - the Lair of the Overlords - and undergo the final test. For the Overlords, Buddha's benediction be upon them, in their own karmic wisdom live in their own charmed circles. We shall have to decode those before true release can come from our pain and suffering."

                                    Open Salon Editors' Cover Selections

Therefore, my little chickadee, though thou art weak and weary, ponder these quaint and curious volumes of forgotten OS lore.

Note how the circles change even before thy eyes. They become, well, more circular, a certain evenness apparently created to attract  the "paying public", the categories cribbed from People Magazine by way of Cosmo. Examine closely the latest winners of the coveted cover stakes: 

• Pure Disease: Is this the face that launched a thousand zits? (fine print: sponsored by Acne Medicine Foundation)
• True Confessions: I have a butterfly tattoo on my hoo-hah (photograph optional)
• Cool Comfort: My Grandma was a Rocker (mandatory sepia tinted picture of dead grannie's rocking chair in which she apparently swayed sloshed to the gills and never threw up).

Be astonished at the puissance of the overlapping force fields with such titles as selected by our venerable masters:

 And now thou art ready for the Holy of Holies, to enter the sanctum sanctorum, the innermost of all circles:

D. Truly Diseased Confessions about Comfortable Recreations

and here is thy Enlightenment:

Up my Ass: A Cautionary Tale

                     by Dr. Iamb MD                       

Live long and prosper.