Okay, the first two are easy.
#1. Tommy Lee Jones. Were you the place kicker?
#2. Albert Gore Jr.
I'm at a loss on the third dude.
But I just knew you were an intact male:)

Darn, you didn't even need Descartes for that. Can't be that easy.

WOOF

#2 is the lie.

voicegal: hmmm, we shall see

Karin: You are cool, and too kind to stop back for this piece of fluff :-). When do you get your guy/gal? Hang-ear or cropped in Canada? In any case, you'll have a ball.

WOOF

Is this behind the 8-ball? Dharmabummer is on to it, plus your doggy.

Don't tell me you went to St Mark's...my bride's brother went there with TLJ for high school and played football with him.

I'm guessing no. 3 is similar to a amputee's missing limb syndrome.

2 1/2 plus 1 1/2 = 4. Am I the only one who can do math? That's SCARY..... I'll guess you have a dog, but it may not be a boxer. That's all I've got. WOOF back at you cuz he (and you) are both cute.

#1 Not true. That guy obviously has no balls to kick.

#2 Half true: You inhaled with those guys but it was not at a ball. And frankly, I don't know if they both won a Nobel Prize for something green, so that may only be half true, which makes the entire question only 23/53 true.

#3 True, without commentary

Lea: I'm always behind the 8 ball. Rarely on the ball. But Dharma's answer was Dodgeball -- just like a philosophy grad student :-).

bbd: You may be right. But look at the number on the jersey, my friend. I think TLJ played QB in high school.

Cartouche: Just for you and Kelly, I am going to have to recrunch those numbers through my Truth Tables and post the answers later.

OTOH, JK, you probably have the right idea, a puff of smoke, a jug of wine and in vino veritas. Salut.

Kelly: That was a riot. You've outdone me with your numerical legerdemain! So be it -- I think that comes out to 1 30/53 to 1 20/53, if I run the numbers correctly.

WOOF

Ok here's my theory so far...There are four statements. One is definitely true. One is probably true. One is probably false. One is probably a joke but is still true:

I don't think you were a football player or a brawler so I'd say you didn't kick Tommy Lee's balls. False

Al Gore got a Nobel peace prize, Martin Chalfee got one for chemistry (GFP). True
You were at Harvard when they were and all three of you seem like the type who would inhale. Probably true

Your boxer (who's name is no doubt something like Poisson, or Gauss, or Wittgenstein) is neutered, but plays with balls, which are not in the picture. A joke, but probably true.

Result: T/F ratio of 3:1

I'm so confused. Inhaling? Kicking balls? What about your bio? Are you even a farmer?

Damn, Axeman, you're good -- but aha, not perfect! You nailed #3, darn. So others, if there are any willing to engage in this intellectual exercise of extreme rigor mortis, still stand a chance! Thanks for playing.

WOOF

Mrs. M: You raise deep epistemological/ethical/metaphysical/agricultural issues. Can a pacifist truly be a pacifist if he kicks balls? Can a farmer, qualified by the produce he farms as in my bio, really be called a farmer in the absence of other information? But as we work through this existential maze -- take a crack at the bloody quiz: it even has a Texan in it :-).

WOOF

There is more to be than some thin-skinned Texantricity.

Nobody kicks homeboy's balls, especially not a pacifist yanqui. The laureates and you? I believe it. No balls. Why else for hangdog expression?

Each contains 1/3 fibbing goodness.
-Some other guy did TLJ's balls but you were there
-It wasn't a ball but some other soiree. Bogart the spliff not if you please.
-All dogs have balls. Otherwise why bother with Spring. Responsible dog owner - yea I think you are.

thus 1/3 false X 3 = 1 lie. Criteria accomplished

Mrs. M.: You have a point. No one, pacifist yanqui or not, would knowingly cross this Texan hombre. But he was actually a very peaceable lot.

OMG, Cat: Did you think the first caption said "I licked this guy's balls"! That would have been funnier, but not a chance -- the dude met/meets every one of Mrs. Michaels' simple needs, as far as I know, unless he's become a vegetarian. But certainly a very good, dissociative analysis.

WOOF

Now there's a taste I'm not going to be getting rid of anytime soon.
Time for a kitty Altoid.

I just tried feeding my cat an Altoid. It didn't work.

I've created a monster...my brain hurts. WOOOOOOOF.

First revision to theory:

Unless TLJ, who played offensive tackle, doubled as a long snapper, snapped the ball to YOU as the punter on that famous team, I'm sticking with false for that one. If you were on that team you have just crossed over to deity status in my estimation.

There's no way you didn't inhale with those two dudes but it was probably late at night in Dunster Hall and not at a ball.

Your Dog's name must surely be Pascal, but you call him Blaise for short

The answer is to punt.

(1) 1/2 True. You managed to kick only one of his balls with one of those Thai boxing roundhouse kicks before he pummeled you to powder.

(2) 1 True. 1 Lie. Clinton - perhaps ;-). Gore - never.

(3) Nuts. This could go either way. I'll vote true as per Hatchetman.

Total: 2 1/2 True. 1 1/2 Lie. Voila!

T F
Because this is so important.......!

Punted balls snapped by TLJ but did not “kick his balls” 1/2 , 1/2
Inhaled but not at a ball 1/2, 1/2
Both won Nobels for being “green” 1, 0
Mr. Woofer Pups/Pascal has balls but is missing nads 1/2 , 1/2
Totals 2 1/2. 1 1/2