I had a man ask me tonight, "So how do you feel about the blacks?"
President Obama's face hovered over my left shoulder on one of the TVs in the bar. He was in the midst of delivering the memorial speech in Tucson. I paused, a little taken aback by this man's nonchalant question, mostly because the topic of conversation had been politics up to this point, and not race.
"Well," I quickly recovered and answered without hesitation, "my grandma is half black, so I love them," laughing lightly, "they're my family!"
Joe, the name of this inquisitive man, began speaking in low tones and garbled words (he had been drinking after all, only partly my fault as I wasn't the first bartender he'd seen tonight) and I heard him say something to the affect of, well sure that's your family, but what about all blacks?
Working at this bar, small-town America at its finest, and often worst, I had become accustomed to this topic.
Joe then added, before I could answer, "Like what about the "bad" blacks?"
I let out my usual disgusted groan. This last question was not a first but usually not put so bluntly, so I said with more venom my standard response, "What, because all white people are GOOD?? " Most of the people in this town have never actually seen a person with darker skin in real life, so I added my other usual, "Have you ever met a black person??"
Joe garbled again, then launched into a slightly more coherent story about how he'd saved "a black" once from certain death while in Vietnam 40 years ago. I nodded with withdrawn approval, calming down now, while Bill, the guy next to him, spoke his admiration for his friend having saved a man's life in such a way.
But because I can't help myself, I said, "Now back to this "black" thing...what is it that makes you think they're "bad"? Because maybe you've seen one black family in this town, and they've been treated as the one black family in this town. So you say they're not being "friendly" even though it's you people's fault for treating them with such hostility? What do you expect!"
Bill piped in his agreement with my view and Joe also began to agree, seeming to understand the point. He was not a bad guy, especially because prior to this line of questioning we were speaking about Obama and Bush and politics in general, without race entering the forum at all. And in the whole of the conversation, not once did he bring up Obama in terms of the color of his skin. He spoke of him only in the way of his job as President.
So I cut him some slack. What I've come to notice are the increasing number of people in my bar who no longer bring up race in a judgmental fashion, but rather a forum for discussion, curiosity, opinions and questions. This town is white. Whiter than the snow, whiter than vanilla ice cream, whiter than Sweden. But they all seem to know my background now and truly want to talk about race, mostly because it is so far removed from them, and they want to talk to someone who actually knows something about it. Someone who not only has seen and spoken to people of different races (gasp!), but someone who by ancestry is different from them.
Also, I should mention I don't usually use the word "race", but am here for writing purposes. However, there is only one race: the human race (sorry to break it to you). My fiance, white as he is, is the one who pointed this out to me (and has to many other people, on numerous occasions. It is instilled in my brain now.). Ethnicity is a term I've always preferred anyway, and it also happens to be more accurate.
What I do wish I had added to Joe, especially when I asked him how he was treated when he came back from Vietnam (and the answer to that as we all know is terrible), was to consider this fact. Consider that people treated him a certain way just because he'd fought in Vietnam, that they assumed he was a horrific, baby-killing asshole. That even though he had been drafted, the war was his fault and he was a disgusting human being. Ok, now turn around and look at what you just asked me. How do you treat a black person, Joe? You treat them a certain way based on some preconceived notion of what that person is. But you don't know what that person is, because you should be asking who they are.
I hate when these brilliant anecdotes occur to me after the fact. I can't believe in this day-and-age the race thing is still such a factor, that these simple human truths need to be pointed out. I just can't get my head around it.
I'll get through to these bar hooligans sooner or later.
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Rw005g
gerry jarcia
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As a open lesbian I get "gay" questions all the time.
I always look at it as an opportunity to "teach" someone that ultimately we are ALL the same.
One Human Family as the Keys logo says.
~r~
America is basically a nation of xenophobes how have the luxury of being able to fully indulge in their xenophobia simply because they can choose to not be confronted with another perspective or point of view if they do not wish to be.
While Europeans surely have racist sentiments (as humans every where do) there is a natural "social curtailing" of that racist expression because of the simple fact that communal proximity inevitably brings about accountability.
When your country is bordered on all sides by four or five distinctly different cultures it becomes harder and harder to fully indulge in the fantasy of "race". When on your block you have a Muslim, Hindu, Christian and Atheist all living side by side you have to figure out a way to live with those differences in culture and belief.
And here we are in America, the mythical land where "freedom of speech" so often translates to the freedom to remain ignorant, small minded and immature far beyond the point of physical maturation.
good story, thanks for sharing it.
you wrote:
"While Europeans surely have racist sentiments (as humans every where do) there is a natural "social curtailing" of that racist expression because of the simple fact that communal proximity inevitably brings about accountability. "
This is simply not so. Proximity has nothing to do with prejudice. In Europe, Jews were consigned to ghettos , starting in the Middle Ages. And, of course, the ultimate expression of prejudice / xenophobia can be found in the 2oth century holocaust.
"Proximity has nothing to do with prejudice."
if it had "nothing" to do with prejudice then The Holocaust wouldn't be the ultimate trump card for the depravity of humanity that is has become. It's precisely because basic civility amongst large populations is the norm that events like The Holocaust are so intensely focused upon.
If we all killed each other all the time then what would make news headlines and be the "norm" would be when one human didn't kill another.
For future reference, it's poor form to bring up The Holocaust (or the Nazi Regime) as a rebuttal to any conversation about human decency. It's the ultimate example of human depravity and the one most often used (and therefore making it the laziest means to prove whatever point one is attempting to make) by people who have no desire for true conversation but to only have their point heard in the most extreme way possible.
Conversation aren't about one uping each other, they're about respect and civility.
Once we conquer the worst aspects of racism and racial bigotry/bias we will come one step closer to achieving the above proposals. Certainly, we can't cure these ways of thinking totally, and they will always be around to some extent, but we can minimize and mitigate their salience and influence. And once we do, America will be that much better.
r
I've lived in Europe for the past 18 years, in 3 countries and have seen no evidence that Europe is less racially prejudiced than America. Oh sure, internationally savvy European elite is more comfortable with diversity than American rednecks from vanilla parts of the country, but then, so is the internationally savvy American elite.
I can't tell you how many Europeans wondered why I was supporting Obama or why I thought he stood a snowball's chance in hell of getting elected since he isn't snow white.
Most European countries have problems with racial prejudice. It's usually against the group that has the largest number of darker skinned people in that country; Pakistanis in England, Turks in Germany, Algerians in France, Roma in Central Europe, Central Asians and Chechens in Russia.
Sounds as though you already are getting through. And though I've never lived in an almost-all-white environment, it sounds as if the times may be a-changing - this particular hooligan saw Obama as a president first. I like the way you talk to people; you're addressing them as individuals, which is probably the only way that any of us really get through to each other.
Being with a person of colour (East Indian/South Asian descent) has got me thinking more and more about "race." I hope someday skin colour will be like hair colour - just another feature. Meantime, I'm waiting for the day I have the courage to put a quote from "Cry Freedom" as my email signature:
Judge: Why do you people call yourself "black," when you're mostly brown?
Steve Biko: Good question. Why do you people call yourself "white," when you're mostly pink?
R
This is not a fact ... it is itself an exaggerated stereotype. It is perpetuated by the fact that many vets were flown back from duty and deposited in 1960's San Francisco. Nonetheless, a vet's homecoming was as varied as the towns and families of the vets themselves. As an anti-war type I, like much of America, was indifferent towards them. I avoided them unless they spoke at rallies. And don't think they wouldn't get drunk and beat up on hippies either.
@Shadow8 - I just moved from Chicago, so I changed it to where I am now...keep in mind this bar is yet another 30 miles from where I live, ha.
@white and black - Wow, that's unreal. "Race mixin''?? Gees, hang in there. I think the benefit of people like us is being able to talk about it without looking the part, keeps people like that more "at ease" and open-minded (usually).
Aw, thanks Fay!!
@Rw005g - Yes and yes, and I hope we can. @jane - I'll continue to do my best ;)
@gerry garcia - beautiful comments, thank you. I have always thought the isolation rural families experience has everything to do with the racism that perpetuates also. The difference I experience from living in a big city to here is enormous, but another factor is the obvious segregation in places like Chicago, which still lends to covert racism there, unfortunately. Yet another thing that hasn't changed much in generations.
@MediGeek - Yes it's becoming a wonderful relief to meet these people and see them reevaluate their prejudices. I hope so too.
Rated.
Sounds like you've acquitted yourself well. Keep pushing the good cause and if you want some uncalled for advice, be cautious on how much you push it. And if you want some more uncalled for advice, please keep blogging about it.