I tried ballroom dancing for PE credit in college with my wife. I had to stop after the second class because of how much it hurt my ankles. Now, I am in much better shape and my ankles--while still weak--are able to handle the movement.

 

I first saw square and contra dancing at the bluegrass festival Wintergrass in Tacoma, Washington in February. I was there to see one of my favorite bands, The Paperboys, and got to the venue early so I could get a good seat. I fell in love dancing that night--even though I didn't do any.

 

There were a string of bands before The Paperboys played. A group named The Tallboys had a fantastic show. It was part folk/stringband concert, and part square/contra dancing. Charmain Slaven is their caller. She was mesmorizing.

 

She would play guitar, clog, and call a dance all at the same time. She patiently taught a crowd of newbs the basics of each dance and then set them loose with live music. I was enchanted. I didn't dance that night--I was battling a lot of issues at the time--but I remembered how much fun everyone had, and how easy, but intricate it looked.

 

At the close of her show, she said that they lead this same dancing at the Tractor Tavern, in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle on 2 Monday's a month. I loved the Tractor Tavern when I lived in Seattle and had to investigate the next time my travel schedule had me in the area on a Monday.

 

I find it really, really hard to socially engage with people that I don't know. My first trip to the Tractor was a fiasco caused by my own shyness. I spent the whole evening on the wall because I was paralyzed by shyness. I couldn't ask anyone to dance, and I couldn't accept the few offers that I got.

 

But again, I had seen how much fun everyone was having and I wanted that for myself. I just had to get over my shyness. I realized that just a little bit of a connection would enable me to get over my shyness. I had the idea of finding a someone to have dinner with me and to then go dancing. I posted on the Strictly Platonic section of CraigsList (my first posting ever) and promptly found what I think was an internet hooker. Not what I was looking for. The second reply was much better.

 

She was close to my age, well educated and musical. She knew the Tallboys, knew how to dance, and lived in the area. We met for tea and dinner. We had a great conversation and then went and danced. Just having that little bit of  connection enabled me to get over my shyness and to fall in love with the dancing.

 

She also told me about Contra dancing at a community center in North Seattle.

 

In May, I moved to Seattle because of my separation from my wife. I have been trying to walk the fine line of not dating while I am still married, and not continuing the constriction of my social life that had begun when she got sick 15 years earlier. I am trying to do this with as much integrity as I can.

 

Square and Contra Dancing  are filling most of my needs.

 

Contra dancing is especially good for me. Contra dancing is done in long lines of people. Sometimes your partner is facing you in the opposite line, and sometimes they are beside you. Over the course of a dance, you work your way up and down the lines interacting with almost everyone in the line. For me, that means that just dancing once, gave me a little bit of exposure to a lot of people. It was much easier to ask/be asked to dance after that.

 

I had the luck to have a couple of wonderful young ladies be determined to not let any stray, shy men sit on the sidelines. What more... they were tall. Dancing with tall women is such a joy.  Thank You Noel, Cera and Joan!

 

I have been dancing 1-2 times a week since early May. I know most of the regulars, at least by face, and I have learned more new peoples' names than I have in the last 15 years combined. As I kept coming, the regulars recognized me also and have started to include me in their doings.

 

I am still a newb, but I can get through an entire dance without any major screw-ups. I have even been helping other new people get going. Last Friday, I got to teach a young asian woman how to Swing. Our height and language differences made that a funny activity. I don't have much flare and style, but I get to the right place and the right time, with the right partner and with a smile.

 

I am working through my shyness. When I am ready to start dating I think I will be better able to get past the shyness and to engage with my date. Eventually, I will have to branch out into the ballroom forms, but for now, I think the social group I am building is more important than perfecting my moves ;)

 

I love dancing more than any other activity that I have ever done in my life. I can't sleep for hours afterward because I am smiling so much. I am still really lonely, but I think I will be making friends at these dances that will help with that.

 

And I have FABULOUS dancing shoes: