I don’t know much about prostitutes. I mean, the only prostitutes I have seen have been on movie screens. In fact, I’m guessing most average guys can relate to this. We don’t really know what prostitutes are like. We’ve never met any. They are almost like a myth to some of us.

And think about it, men, we are shut off to an entire population of women. I mean, what if the love of your life is a working prostitute? What if she is your soul mate—the one for you—I hear people talk about that a lot. I think we still believe in that as a society: Soul Mates.

So, is it so hard to believe that your soul twin—the other half of the whole spirit you were in heaven—or wherever—has gotten into a lot of trouble here on Earth. What if she, or he—prostitution has no gender bias—is waiting for you to arrive like a savior.

You complete me.

Yes, that’s incredibly co-dependent and unlikely, but they did make a movie about it. It must be romantic.

Anyway, to be honest, I’m not interested in love. I already have a lot of it. And I don’t want to have sex with a prostitute, either. I like rely on my charm and charisma to attract my sexual partners. I prefer sincere lovemaking. I know, I’m old fashioned.

So, I just want to talk to these women. To be precise, I want to hire a large sampling of prostitutes to talk to me for a couple of hours. I want to spend all of 2010 doing this—hanging out talking to hookers and writing about it.

I will keep meticulous notes. I will record all the conversations. I will disguise all the names, of course, but I will try to write their story to the best of my ability. My voice will be as accurate, as concise, and as visceral as I can polish it to be.

But I can’t afford all these prostitutes. In fact, I can’t afford any of them. So, I need funding.  So, hey Simon & Schuster, or Random House, or maybe a magazine like People. I need hooker money. What do you say?

Email me: charlbiv@gmail.com

Happy New Year.

Yours, 

Charlie B.