I’m exhausted with the specific examples. I’m tired of the lists of specific oddities and the anthologies of bizarre New Jersey stories. I can’t believeWeird New Jersey magazine continues to publish new issues. Is there really that much weird shit going down in my state? And if there is, can someone find out why, please? I want to know why so many weird things happen in New Jersey.

Is there some kind of nuclear waste in the soil that mutates people into crazy bad drivers? Did the radiation really mutate a human into a hideous devil creature that eats babies in the swamps? Has the toxicity of our environment made something as childish as ghosts possible? Are strip malls really an irradiated fungus?

Or is it simply the dense population inspiring outrageous behavior? In other words, are we all performing acts of extreme uniqueness in a vain attempt to avoid the rampant homogenization of suburban track houses and lawns?

I’d like to know the science and philosophy behind this state. I want to read the psychology, the sociology, and anthropology; the history, the literature, and the geography; and not the badly written mythology of delusional “ghost hunters” and “psychic mediums.” No more boardwalk nonsense for me, thanks. I’m trying to live a rational life. Sorry.

So, just level with me, please, someone. Tell me. Is there something inherently wrong with New Jersey? I’d very much like to know. I won’t be offended. I’m not married to this little state. I’ll just move.