1. Healthcare plans still won't cover most psychological disorders, leaving many people to walk around as Undecided Voters because they are insane and can't afford their meds!
2. My sisters still won't want to hang out with me . . . probably something having to do with me being a klepto and stealing both their clothes and their boyfriends when I was 16.
3. When I go to the bathroom, the toilet seat will still be up because "the boyfriend" has issues.
4. On Sunday, Mr. Schwartzbaum will still give me a free quarter-pound of lox at my local Deli and pinch me on the rear, which I will happily accept because lox is so damn expensive.
5. Bill Clinton will still be "President of the World" and everyone else will seem like Saturday Night Live characters in comparison . . . for forever.
6. My married girlfriends will still whine about their bad marriages and their kids . . . while the single ones will still complain they are still single without kids.
Yada yada yada . . .
7. My mother will still call each week and say, "That's it, I'm leaving your father this time for good." They have been married for 56 years.
8. And my father will still call and ask who my "hot babe friends" are on Facebook. Can either Obama or Romney explain to me why I added him as a friend?
9. I still haven't finished reading A Tale of Two Cities, The Hobbit, Fear of Flying, Mein Kampf, The Terminator's new Confessional, A Cat in the Hat, or my latest cell phone bill.
10. Fake celebrities like the Kardashians and Honey Boo-Boo pretending to be 'real' people will still get higher ratings than 'real' candidates trying to act like 'real humans' during both Conventions and Debates.
11. I will still be a woman, a fact that poses many problems as I feel like I am actually a 67 year-old Ashkenazi Jew stuck inside the body of a half Japanese female. Now . . . are their any operations for that Mr. Mittster and Mr. Baracka-man?
12. My eleven year-old daughter will still have Justin Bieber posters covering every wall of her room, which I have to admit I rather enjoy. Sorry.
13. Aging Baby Boomer rock stars will still do ads and sell-out their classic songs for "old people products", making me feel old too, while also ruining my favorite songs!
14. Neither Obama or Romney were able to answer the probing question, "Why is William Shatner still doing Priceline commercials? We all thought he died in a bus that fell off a cliff."
15. Wolf Blitzer will still have not slept or blinked his eyes after 75 straight years of reporting.
16. I will still continue to have fantasies about older men making meals for me and then dancing for my pleasure . . . among them Tommy Lee Jones, David Gergen, Paul McCartney, Joe Biden, Dr. Oz and Phil Donahue.
17. I will still not keep Kosher during Jewish high holidays, but I have already ordered five pigs because I heard that bacon will go way up in price next year. I just have to figure out where I'm going to hide them in my condo.
18. I will still not be able to afford my daughter's college educations, which is a good thing because I know I will need full-time mental health care after this election thing is good and done.
19. I will still eat food that is very bad for me while I lay in my bed under my comforters like a big slob at least once a week.
After the debate, I believe that Beef Brisket with potatoes au gratin are in order, battered fried onions, homemade biscuits with real butter, grandma's homemade apple sauce, French cheesecake and topped with a box o' Italian wine.
20. And last but certainly not least . . . I will still have boobies and a wee wee, three things that "the boyfriend" and I treasure because they are affordable, fun and have never had a recession.