I've been in a funky state of mind, the last several days, and as I was thinking about my gratitude list; I began to think of a letter I had written to my mom several years ago. I knew exactly where it would be--with her funeral pamphlets and sympathy cards. So, this morning, I went to look for it, and of course, a lot of emotions flooded to the surface when I found the little black bag. My mom was called home to be with the Lord, almost a year ago. I miss her more than I could have ever imagined; she is in my thoughts every day. Easter is about sacrifice and my mom made several to give me a life, one, I very well could not have had. I sent it via email and asked her husband to read it; as my mom didn't read well.
Dated Sunday, Jan. 19, 2003
I have really felt God speaking to me over the past few weeks and I want to share this with you what has spoken to my heart this week. I am involved in two different Bible studies right now. One is about the life of Christ and another is based on a book called "The Purpose Driven Life". I've always had questions about my purpose and why certain things have happened in my life. I heard not too long ago the "why" questions we ask God may not ever be answered this side of eternity but two quesions we could have answered by God in any situations are, "What are You trying to teach me?" and "What are You trying to change in me?".
Throughout my life God has taught me much and I have made changes, because of it. This last week I was reading about the terrible things happening to the North Korean people. I was litterally sickened by what is going on over there. My heart just ached but I lifted those people up in prayer. What I realized is I am forever grateful for being in this country. I, also, realized the great sacrifice my mother gave in order for me to live in this country. She left her family and all she knew because she thought I needed a father and I needed to be raised in the United States. I believe she knew I would have a better life here. Although, we are not from North Korea, there is a great fear in South Korea and the people over there are suffering, as well. They do not have the freedoms we, Americans, take for granted. I have always taken my life here for granted but God revealed to me I could be living in a suffering country with much less freedoms and opportunities.
The pain I have experienced cannnot compare to the pain many the Korean people are experiencing. I am not ashamed of where I'm from. My heart and prayers go out to those families suffering in both Koreas.
I love you, Mother for all you have given to me and I'm sorry for all the times I didn't appreciate or realize the sacrifices you made for me. God was watching out for both of us but I realized how much God loves me and how He showed His love through you.
I could not speak these works because of all of the tears. I'm grateful to God for giving me the mom I have and I'm grateful to you for all you have given. me. Life will always have it's challenges but I'm realizing if I continue to seek out God He will always get me through any storms life may give me but also, allow me to rejoice with the victories.
I just wanted to share with you you what God is doing in my life.
I will love you, Mom.