Chillerpop has a very sick and shameful nunsploitation habit.  I've even dabbled in the genre myself... and I may have just upgraded my reservation in Hell from economy class to First Circle!

Now, a favorite exercise of mine is to allow the walls separating various fictional worlds to come down, and bring some characters together....and imagine "what if"...

follow me into the world of a rather unconventional convent....

headed by the Reverend Mother Gertrude.  Her mission is to help the elderly.  And could a lovelier moniker exist other than "Suor Omicidi"?

Next we have Sister Flavia, who is of course in charge of meditation and contemplation.  Her spiritual quests have been...excessive...but the best Christian mystics knew the value of a little physical pain: 

 

Sister Incarnation, or 'The Abbess' as she's commonly known,  is a recent transfer from the convent of St Valentine.  It's said that she was an early pioneer for Sister Batrille, but may not have been quite as succesful:

 

There are too many chiefs in this convent, as a group of displaced nuns from Spain have arrived.  One is yet another Mother Superior with special training in pharmaceuticals.  She has chosen names for her small subgroup, names to bring one closer to the Lord through humility.  Suor Perdida is a little Dr. Doolittle, a little Matthew McConaghey; Suor Estiercol (whose name perhaps gets her the closest to God) is the convent's chef and also dabbles in the softer side of the pharmaceutical industry; Suor Vibora has talents in fashion design; Suor Rata de Callejon is a scribe.

Now consider poor Sister Mary Helena, she of the unfortunately infamous offspring:

Well, a certain spectral sister refuses to be outdone by Mary Helena's son.  This sister has an affinity for the element of water and likes to impart a little discipline to slick, clubbing Eurotrash kids:

Some of the sisters in this convent know a little something of the horrors of war, and the tough choices women of God must sometimes make to survive:

One must also thank these kindly sisters for giving refuge, sanctuary and shelter to those embroiled in our country's turbulent war on illegal immigration:

They should also be thanked for their fundraising efforts for the poor and needy, particularly in the midst of our economic crisis:

I'm tempted to write further of a rival convent with a sunnier outlook, where nuns can fly, foil Nazi plots, make cheap table wine, find solace in a horrible Pacific war, become Vegas lounge singers, take care of teenagers, etc... but I'm slightly nunned out for the nonce.  A tale for another day.