Love is something that is defineitly scary, or thats the perspective of my other half. I thought he was fearless when it came to me but I see sometimes how he is still the hurt guy that was dumped on by his ex. It's one of those perdiciments that I never realized but now I see it clearly. When speaking to him when he says, well I won't change; I've been changed before and it's not going to happen. Over the coarse of this weekend I see how this "strength" might just be a mask for protecting himself. 

People do tons of things to protect themselves. We wear seat belts, quit smoking, take pills, anything except harm themselves (with the exception of ancient Myans who performed bloodletting regularly.) Protecting yourself from fear is a good thing. It allows us, the human race, to feel at the end of the day that we did everything to prevent certain things. This comforts us in the short run but I have found that when the comfort ends I wonder if I would have been happier doing something else.

  I had never seen the unchanging quality of him as something bad, until I saw that with this quality he resisted me adding certain things in his life. It might be something as unimportant as adding something to a wall in his dorm. When this happened not only was I hurt but I saw that it could represent so much more. 

Listen I don't look to the future much but this weekend I did. Looking to the future his resistance might deal with picking out paint for a living room, furniture, pets/a child's name, and life decisions.  I don't want to be the yes man, I need my input to not only be heard but to be respected. I would do anything for my boyfriend, and hope that he would want to do the same for me.

  When I arrived home from the rest of my glorious weekend (the rest of the weekend was rather nice) I thought about the idiot that had done this to Brandon. Filled his head with talk of the future; a wedding, growing old, and happiness. Only to stab him in the back after he was finished walking all over Brandon. If I could write him a letter (not email, not im, or twitter) I would. Here is what it would say.

Mike, 

Listen I know that what happened between you and your then boyfriend is your business but I think its horrible what you have done to him. You have made him fearful of love. You have turned something beautiful into something tragic in essence. Instead of letting the relationship fade into a glorious haze of memories in your head, you tore it apart and made it hell for me. You should be ashamed of yourself, especially considering you still call him "friend;" and rely on him as someone you can trust. I don't wish that upon anyone not even you. A punishment like that would make you feel like what you did was okay and that you received your penance. I hope you can live with knowing that you hurt someone, which I know you can you selfish little peon. Well, you don't even deserve anymore ink from my pen.

    Mr. Pucci

  Considering all these factors I am proud of Brandon and the man he became and the fact that he is relentlessly trying to not have the past happen to him again. He is doing this by not getting too carried away with love. I am happy that he has learned a lesson. 

  At the end of the day where does that leave me?

Love Is Patient, Love is Kind, and right now these realizations are even scaring me, because with being the only one with their guard down means I am the only one going that has a possibility of getting hurt. 

 (us acting like dorks for a picture, love might be scary but I will not let it scare me out of being in "it".)