It's almost Christmas, and I cannot help but remembering where I was and what I was doing this time last year. I'd just moved back to the area from the high Sierras. And I was not a very "happy camper". But I'd also gotten word that I'd gotten my job back and that I was to start work soon.
Last night I got water on my cell phone and it stopped working. I remember that this exact time last year, I'd done the same thing. Except that it was apple juice that I dropped my Smart Phone in. Needless to say, it stopped working. So this morning I couldn't help but remember this time last year. And I stopped myself from getting upset. I remember how much better off I am now, a year later. I have insurance on the cell this time too. So I'm having a replacement sent to me. Since after last year, with no way to get another phone, as I didn't have insurance, I'm never going without it again.
When I think of Christmas, I can recall those days as the most peaceful. On Christmas Eve we got to open one gift after going to mass at the Catholic church. My sister, brother and I would pick out our one gift days before that night. Sometimes we'd even open the wrapping and look inside, that is, if our parents couldn't catch us. Our parents always made sure that we had a wonderful Christmas. Whether it was a new ten speed bike or something else. I always got nice gifts. And from our grandparents too. After unwrapping our home gifts, we'd then go to our grandparent's home, and unwrap another entire Christmas tree, full of gifts.
Yes we were "spoiled" for presents. On Christmas day, after the morning of unwrapping, our house was the one that all of the kids in the neighborhood flocked too. It was because we got all the toys that their parents couldn't afford to buy. At the time Ididn't realize this. But now I do.
But putting all presents aside, I would try to give back all of the material possessions that I was given, to only have just one year of domestic peace, when it wasn't Christmas. I can guess now, that by giving gifts, parents do so in order to make up for what they cannot give, emotionally or anything else. Sorry to sound like a scrooge.
Lately I've been feeling like a "non-christian". That is, I just don't much believe in the religious aspect of Christmas. And believe that it's really for children and the economy. Oh I do sent out cute cards to all of my friends and the family that I do still keep in touch with. But as an adult, it just isn't the same. After all of the emotions and events that I've been through within the last few years, I have lost my "faith in God". And also learned that I am getting along without it, even better. I guess I can now say that I'm an Atheist. I didn't even know how to spell that word until recently.
My Grandfather would not be happy.
Since 2006 I've been spending my Christmas mornings at the WISE Place. I love the staff here. And it just feels right to be here instead of somewhere else.
The Semester is Over
I had my web design final 2 Fridays ago. I think I saved a couple of the websites that I created.
This is a sort of rough page, a lot like the final site. Except that the site I have has links and lots of little sprites on it. This is a sprite. 
Here are some other kids of pixel art. My final site was a pixel doll art site.
I made 4 other websites also. But I think I'll just upload these pics above. It was a fun class. The teacher Hassaan is a good teacher, and knows a lot about web design.
It's beginning to get cold lately. And my apartment isn't air-tight. I really need to get another heater and more blankets. But hey, I am super thankful to have a home now.
I took my lil' car into my awesome mechanic's last week also. It needed a fuel pump, oil and filter change and tune up. I really didn't have the money, I'd just paid my rent. (on time). So he let me write 2 checks to split the cost in half. The entire job cost $250. I thought that was cheap. He's a good guy. I was literally there all day until 10:00 p.m. And got the scoop on everything from a volunteer guy who works for him. He talks too much about my mechanic. I now know a lot more about my mechanic than I've known in the 10 years I've been going there with my car.
I'm supposed to go back after he finds some wiring that he needs for my car. He says he can get if off another car, so that I don't have to "cough up" $35.
I've been feeling pretty good lately, all in all. Except that I keep getting sinus infections. I had a painful migraine a couple days ago, that made me want to scream. I took an Excedrine PM and went to bed. And it was gone the next day.
The stinking elevator in my apartments is breaking down almost every day. I wouldn't care, except that it's next to the wall, on the other side of my room where I sleep. And I can hear it going up and down when it breaks. It gets stuck going up and down for hours. And nobody can get on it, or off it either! So I've been avoiding riding on it, unless I am bringing up groceries.
And what do I do in my free time?( I have a lot of it when not working). I read read read. I have been reading so much. And I also go to 3 different libraries. Oh and I've been sketching. My sketches are all on my little site. My Enchanted Art Site.
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Comments
I'm glad things are better for you this Christmas season. I remember you writing last year about having to leave so many of your belongings and your bunnies behind when you bugged out.
If you have abandoned all belief in any god, then you are probably an atheist. If you still believe in a god, but have fallen out with religion, then you are more likely to be an agnostic.
It sounds like you really enjoyed to web design class - you're a good artist.
I hope the migraines and sius issues get better quickly. If you really think you have an infection, try to get some antibiotics for it.
Take care!
- Mark
I got back some of my things. But a lot of it was stolen. Almost every day I realize something else that is missing. Good china, my computer hardware even the monitor was gone. I just hope that the bunnies are in good hands now. They were a lot happier the last time that I saw them, really.
Take your time. Go easy. All your life, up to now, has involved religious belief. Much of that belief is deeply embedded in your mind. It will take time for you to re-balance your thinking to reflect your new clarity of mind. Do not fear that you will lose your values, morals or principles. The claim that these are derived from religion is false. They are inherent in you. Part of you. Religion had no part in you being a good person.
If you have any questions or want to talk to someone who has walked the road you are now traveling, please feel free to e-mail me or PM me (which ever you feel comfortable with). My E-Mail address is on my page banner here at OS.
Take it in small, manageable bites. You'll do fine!
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Rated.
And take Sky with a grain of salt - he's usually a nice enough guy, but the very term religion causes a severe allergic reaction in him that results in a misfire of synapses creating an often violent verbal response ;).
Rated for self-enlightening rambles.
I guess I should have expected some others to try to lay the religious definition of "agnostic" and "atheist" on your head.
"Agnostic" seems to mean whatever anyone deeming them self one wants it to mean. They get a bit slippery when cornered but usually try to make the point that religious people are "wrong" because they believe in a God that they can't prove exists, and atheists are "wrong" for saying that there is no God because they too have no proof that there is no God. So let's clear up something.
The description of what religious people believe is accurate to a large degree. The description of atheists is almost completely inaccurate. Only a new or inexperienced atheist says, "There is no God". The agnostic is exactly right that some of us say this inadvertently or in casual conversation. It is something we really shouldn't do because it is sloppy verbalizing and isn't really accurate.
Our position is that those who claim that there is a god have the onus of proof on them. Just as someone who claimed that there is a flying spaghetti monster would have to prove their claim. Those who do not believe in a either a flying spaghetti monster or a God do NOT need to prove that such a thing doesn't exist. In this debate the atheist position is the neutral one, NOT the negative one. Agnostics and religionists are similar in that they try to ascribe to atheists a position we do not hold to in debate.
Both agnostics and religionists desperately try to claim that we atheists "believe" there is no God. This is untrue. We don't hold any such "belief". Our position is "lack of belief". We await any proof that anyone can offer to support the claim that there is one. So far there has been none that stands up to examination.
This means that we simply ask for any solid proof of either a God or a flying spaghetti monster or whatever. We don't offer an "alternate belief" as they like to try to say. We have NO belief.
Poor ol' seer, who, by his choice of alter ego name makes clear his opinion of himself, cannot see the difference between having NO belief and having a different belief, and tries soooo hard to make the two different positions seem as one. He has adopted the concept that is usually reserved for "believers", that anyone expressing an opinion different from his is "attacking" his or him. It's a way of avoiding answering the request for proof when no proof is available.
I'm afraid that I misdoubt anyone who consistently mis-describes atheists as is the habit of many self-described agnostics. Their position and method of arguing this question is so closely aligned to that of religionists that there is no noticeable difference. I suspect that many of them are closet religionists. I've had occasion to meet a number of them who have "come out" as religionists at some time. Almost without exception they describe themselves as having been atheists who "believed" there was no God. Since this is an inaccurate description of an atheist, I very much doubt that they could truthfully call themselves that. But then "truth" means little or nothing to "believers" in either their openly religious roles or as closet believers.
KEEP SMILING! Isn't this fun?!!
;-)
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Sky, Older, Anya and Seer; thanks for taking time to write. It's all very interesting to me.
My issue with religion is that I dislike feeling that I need to prove to "christians" that I believe in god. I guess I should tell them this instead of writing about it where they will never see this. I have a friend who is a "christian". I say that word in quotes because she is atypical of a christian. She's been in prison, (out now for a while), has a somewhat transient lifestyle, prefers to cohabitate with a drug dealer who beats her up (many, many years now). On and on I could go about her. But she says things like "if it ain't the word of god, then I don't want nothin' to do with it". This saddens me. For obvious reasons.
And while I am not trying to bash religious people or religion itself, I take offense to those who are bigoted to those like myself who do not feel or want to be made to prove whether or not I believe in their kind of thinking. And to me, that is all it is, their weird thinking. As if I have to take a side.
I grew up having to go to Catholic School and all of the ceremonies that include Catholic life. I know that I did get a better education in Catholic school. But Catholicism is just about money. And also, (this will probably get more attention), I believe that the Catholic church is a haven for gays. I am not saying this in a bad way. Most priests are gay. And I know a few nuns, they SEEM gay. I never asked them if they are gay. But I know by talking to them and seeing them around the convent where I used to live.
So with that, does it not seem that Christianity is a bit of a hypocritical ideology? The reason I say this is that I have known a few bible-thumping, right-winged, religious fanatics who despise gays. Isn't Catholicism a "christian" group? As far as I know, they are.
So back to the original issue. I'm not sure that I need to prove that I believe in a god. If there is one, I'll know and my religious beliefs are private to me. I don't like going to church. Praying seems like a waste of time. (Nuns pray A LOT). People who are religious and pray a lot seem to be fine with praying all of the time. A lot of people like them seem to be really good actors and actresses.
Religions also excuses those who use it, from taking responsibility for their own errors or actions. As in my friend. They say "the lord will forgive me". This is nothing more than a bad excuse.
I'd rather be able to not have to use those words over and over again. I'd rather take my life seriously and accept responsibility for what I do. Without using religion to justify it.
*I'm not sure that I need to prove that I believe in a god. If there is one, I'll know and my religious beliefs are private to me.*
Exactly. Whatever label you choose to reside under it's still just a label, mostly useful for furthering conversation and little else :).
Happy to know that you're an atheist. It is a clear and easily understood position. I grant that agnosticism is often difficult to get clear since every one of them that I've ever met describes his position differently. They seem to have a few things in common, as do religionists, but man can they ever differ!! (also as do religionists). Chances are that if you meet someone who is in a state of confusion about the existence of a God, he's an agnostic.
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