No! Go away Robert Palmer, you sorry excuse for a band (ok, I like them). I will NOT face it. I will not admit that after my divorce I was certain (certain!) I would meet my one true love (any minute, any date now! c'mom, step on up!)
Nope. You and your dumb (dumb!) song can't make me admit anything. I am not addicted to love! I’m not!
Just because I can’t stop dating. Just because I take vows of detachment and soloness that I break. Just because I’m always looking for my soulmate (at the bagel shop, the dry cleaners, the Jiffy Lube). Just because I say one thing and do another. Just because I drop it like it’s hot. Just because I do these things, DOES NOT mean I have an addiction.
(Does it?)
Oh, love. I so much want to live without you. You, oh love … such a pain in the ass. Sure, I have love. The unconditional love of my parents, siblings and children (of which I am so grateful) … but that’s not what Bob P. is singing about.
It’s that other love. The love I long for, despite my best intentions to kick the desire to the curb and “be a man.”
Because I truly think men have nailed it. Literally. They nail it. And bang it. And use it … Sure, there are men who want love. I’ve met a few. But most want sex. Not the “R” word. Not the “L” word. But pure, unattached , hedonistic, “friends with benefits” sex.
I want to be like them! I’ve tried to channel their inner essence! I begged “please lets be friends” to the stray cats. “Please let’s swap war stories and learn from each other.”
But the majority of men don’t share. (Bastards!) And the ones who do? Well, I don’t want their stories of woe, of love gone bad! I want to know how to detach!! I want to know how to be a stray cat!
I do channel the cats successfully at times. I find that sweet spot and declare myself a loner who needs only an occasional man to screw (and do some guy chores). But it doesn’t take long before I’m falling again ….
Either in love, or for a line, or for an old boyfriend …
Oh my god. I fit all the criteria of an addict!
Oh my.
Oh, I might as well face it: I’m addicted to love!
(Oh shit)
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froggy
Thoth
Susie Lindau
Mimetalker
Frank Michels
Surazeus
Salon.com
Comments
good post.
you made me smile.
again.
I thought you had taken a dating hiatus...
and, no, i don't want "pure, unattached , hedonistic, “friends with benefits” sex" (i get that from very bestest friend -- my shower massage. See? I think I made you smile again ( or blush! haha)
don't mind me. i fell asleep at 11 p.m., woke at 3, ate cookies mixed and ben & jerry's ... and now I'm going back to bed. (and look forward to reading your latest when i get up.) No work today -- hip hip hurrah!
rated.
The differences between men and women...The similarities
would be easier. There is ONE. We are both human beings.
That is where it ends.
Ok, well MAYBE we want love too, and all that goes with it
but we have thick skin, a self made barrier that insulates us
from heartbreak. Perhaps a God given self defense mechanism
that HE deigned unnecessary for women, or it was just another
burden given by God to women ...as if child bearing and monthly
periods were not enough.
But because I had surrendered completely, I think, I head a voice that said, "No, this guy is for real."
I feel kinda bad because I made him really work to convince me.
But so far so good, 6 plus years in.
I'm still addicted, though. But he makes room for me to be addicted, as long as I'm aware of it. And though I tend to put him on a pedestal, he's got his addictions, too.
Surrender, Dorothy, and you will be sent back - not to Oz, but to Kansas!
(But I think it's Robert Palmer, not J. Geils!)
I think not!
In any case, good luck on your date tonight and I'm right there with you on the search!
... because I share. (Tee hee)
I dunno, I've sworn them off ForEver, but I still like my chicky flicks, and I still have hopes for y'all (teehee to JessD).
When I was single, meeting a single woman who goes to Jiffy Lube would have just about been enough to send me head over heels.
It may be hard to score and the high is fleeting but it is the best damn drug ever, isn't it?
And we aren't really addicted to love. We are addicted to the feeling of being in love.
That's my two cents.
But I liked your post.
PS I have one of those men who really is addicted to love. I married him (see my Valentine's post) against my better judgment:)
"If there's a cure for this, I don't want it."
Everybody's looking for love.
I could maybe write this entire comment from bits of song lyrics---which should tell you that you are not alone in this one, baby.
This song goes to the men you are talking about and what they might mean when they say 'addicted to love.'
Don't give up. There really are some lovely men out there.
Oddly enough, I probably have the male mirror problem compared to you. A lot of my female friends are polyamory types... running all over the place with who knows what guys on any day.
I get to hear all the stories... and am sure to wear my pants at all times.
It is probably more of a problem from the female side though... it may be cultural.
Love addiction isn't good anyway. You're on the right track.. find your best friend, that's where the love is.
LOVE IT!
Oooh a bird!
ok. Ant, don't OD on love -- there are much better poisons.
Sheep -- me too!@!
Thanks for your honesty Trig -- can you teach me to be like that?
ok. enough bitterness. thanks all you nice people for reading and commenting. I'm going to meditate on my inner man ... and i'll comment when I'm in a better frame of mind.
Great post..
Newsie, the date tanked. But ya know what? He was way too old for me anyway. And way too full of himself. I'm really open minded about the age thing -- but he was too set in his ways. yawn. he pissssed me off. but i'm sooo over it.
Oh, harp, why are men so similar? I'm changing teams ;)
Connie, I keep swearing them off!! What's wrong with me? Wise people have told me that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results ... oh my. I'm not addicted! I'm insane!!
Hmmm. Cap, it's not hard to score. It's just hard to find more than just a score.
Lisa, you've given me hope! And i will read all about it!
Yeah, designator, w/o love the arts world would have nothing.... and someone told me tonight it's pain that makes life worth living, cuz otherwise how would we know joy... more fodder for artists & writers ....
I know m.a.h., if not for love and lack of it, there'd be few songs ...
Traigus, do you share your stories with all these women? love your honesty. thanks
susanne, i hope you're right!
car, i will ... when i go to the pound for my doggie! haha
thanks seattle
sally, you're right, the 2 lisas are right.
moana, i dunno if love makes the world go round, but it certainly gives much fodder for conversation and the arts!
pink, i think any 12-step model can help you kick the addiction to the curb. but, of course getting over someone takes time. boy, do i know that!
fireeyes, when i master detachment (I had it down, I did!) i will be sure to post all about it!
Great post.
soozie, that's too funny that's it's your ringtone :0 May we both find love so the addiction goes away!
Not all men are assholes (but many are). Not all women are sleazy vacuous barflies.
My wife said that I was 'an acquired taste'. I think that's a complement...
Good luck out there...
so...how can you ever win?
(i really don't feel this way..i just thought that one of us guys reading this post HAS to say something assholey..and it might as well be me)
I'm glad that I am married because it does take a lot of the drama out of life. I don't have to be 100% 100% of the time. We chose each other.
Maybe we are in the 'old shoe' phase but there is comfort in that.
Taking it from the other angle, it is hell to be on a date and flame out. After a while I got so discouraged. Either I was choosing the wrong women or I was 'trying too hard'. I was determined to 'never date again' and started living my life and having fun. Then, I met her... The rest, as they say, is history...
I figured out that I didn't 'need' a woman for sex. Yes, it's nice but one night stands are just some form of 'masturbation with complications'... Like eating Chinese food only with guilt feelings, for me... If something happened to my wife and/or our marriage, I'd be tossed into a world that I wouldn't feel comfortable, again...
thanks for the dude POV Angus!