The hardest part was seeing the big yellow truck parked out front. I knew he was going; it was time. We discussed it; this wasn’t a surprise.

But the sight of the truck, knowing it was for my house, would be filled with his things…it was only then I understood he was really leaving. I squinted at this yellow mass that seemed to take up the entire block and got a flash of Chris behind the wheel of his yellow Little Tykes car, his feet going so fast, the red roof almost hitting the driveway.

He can’t drive this giant truck; will his feet even reach the pedals? Are there even pedals in a stick shift? I wouldn’t know. Because I can’t drive a stick. But he can. He can drive anything, my 23-year-old boy who’s grown into such a strong, capable man.

How startling to realize all the things your little boy can do that you can’t. Things you didn’t even teach him, that he somehow learned on his own. Just like he figured out how to drive cross country and set up a life in Arizona. And rent a big yellow truck and tow his car on a flat bed.

How startling to realize the person I’ve lived with the longest would no longer be around everyday. Because even if I didn’t see him, I always saw traces of him: a dirty plate, a greasy frying pan, clothes in the washer, crumbs on the counter. Now, I don’t know when I’ll see him again because the miles add up to higher number than I can count.

Leaving is a good thing. I know this. It means he’s fearless, his world is safe, his self-esteem’s in tact. He’s not afraid to take a chance and give up fun times as a Medieval Times knight for a question mark in Tucson. This is what you’re supposed to do when you’re young: keep overhead low so you see things, learn things, come to know more.

Many people have told me your kids never end up doing what you want them to do. And I know that’s true. It’s also true as parents, we’re always sure if we’d done things differently, or better, our kids would’ve listened to us! In the end, of course, all I really want is happiness and inner peace for Chris. However he finds that isn’t important.

Sure, I wish Chris would’ve listened to me about a few things. But we all need to follow our own paths. And he’s done well so far, learning as he goes. Many life lessons are best learned firsthand and can’t be taught by someone, not even by a parent. The important thing is knowing you have much to learn and keeping an open mind. I never stop learning from my kids and I’m excited to see what I’ll discover from his journey and new life.