Last night I had to fend myself from an attacker. Right in my bedroom. Luckily, I was smarter that than he was – maybe she, it was hard to tell. And bigger too. I had the advantage.

Ultimately I overcame my assailant before any bloodshed. He/she is dead now; I didn’t call 911 or the cops. I merely disposed of the weapon – a single Lotion Plus Kleenex – and the body.

I’m pretty sure you can still kill mosquitoes anytime, without a permit. At any rate, I'm in the clear -- I felt threatened, he was in my room, in bed with me uninvited! It was self-defense, me or him. Or her. I was within my rights regardless of whether it was hunting season.

How do you determine the gender of a mosquito? Actually, I don’t care. I just don’t want them near me.

Mosquitoes are more than just pests that cause itchy welts. They carry diseases and cause more than a million deaths a year according to the American Mosquito Control Association, which met in New Orleans last month to discuss the mayhem caused by the “deadliest disease vector known.” Only 1,000 of those deaths were in the U.S., but still – that’s 1,000 deaths. I could’ve been killed last night!

I’m not a big proponent of chemicals, though they’ve been a food staple since childhood and I never seem to catch colds and have never once had the flu. Still, I don’t like lawn chemicals because, really, lawns are ridiculous. But when it comes to mosquitoes, chemicals are a necessity. People under 30 don’t remember the days when a houseful of mosquitoes was something you simply lived with, and being outside on a summer evening was risky business.

Chemicals made summertime freedom possible. And I’m a little bit concerned it might go away. The movement against pesticides is ever-growing, and the AMCA had an entire section of its meeting devoted to that end. Apparently, Obama’s environmental and energy czar Carol Browner and EPA head Lisa Jackson aren’t chemical fans. And the AMCA is a member of EPA’s Pesticide Environmental Stewardship Program.

Hey, Browner and Jackson are brilliant and I’m thrilled to see them where they are. But I have been noticing there are more mosquitoes. And they’re bigger than ever! Last night’s killer was the size of a small aircraft. Ok, maybe a large crow. Ok, ok -- a very large biting green fly. Humongous really.

So what to do? I can’t lather myself up with chemicals because the smell gives me a headache. And Skin-So-Soft by Avon is supposed to work – try it, many people swear by it – but I haven’t found it be so. It smells worse than pesticides anyway.

Experimentation is in order regarding anti-mosquito skin chemicals; anyone with advice, I can use some! eHow offers these tips, among them planting marigolds, citronella grass, catnip, and Rosemary, which are all said to repel the flying blood-suckers.

eHow also advises to avoid having low-lying shrubs near your home (and in general), as they absorb moisture, which mosquitoes love. Naturally, my house is surrounded by low-to-the-ground junipers, not a blade of grass anywhere… And i have a built-in pool and a pond -- standing water is another no-no. Using dryer sheets with your clothes are said to repel mosquitoes, and spritzing yourself with lemon eucalyptus oil is too.

I’ve also read having a bat box is helpful, though bats in NJ are rare these days due to that damn white nose fungus, another reason mosquitoes could be on the rise.

Bats with white nose syndrome. Photo/bats.org/uk

Electronic mosquito traps are said to work, as are carbon dioxide yeast brewing machines. There is also some kind of magnetic device.

Anyone with experience using any of these preventive methods – or have other ideas that work – please comment here!
In the mean time, I’m going to sleep with one eye open and a box of tissues by my bed.