Esquire magazine is rather brilliant and I make it a point to not only subscribe, but get its e-newletters and Tweets. (And they get my Tweets, which really makes me feel rather cool.)
My subscription to Esquire has puzzled some people, because it is, after all, a magazine for men about women. Ironically, it was because of the Girl Scouts that I ended up subscribing. One of my nieces was pedaling magazines and I was so done with Glamour, Cosmo and Redbook, already got Self, Rachel Ray and Inc., that what else was left?
Men’s mags. It’s good. Subscribe. You won’t be disappointed.
Today’s e-news was 75 things you don’t know about women. Who doesn’t want to know that? Even I want to know what I don’t know about me and my kind! Yes, it’s a bunch of blurbs uttered by beautiful women. But most of them are quite true.
There are none I take issue with, though one or two contradicts the other. But being contradictory is part of being a woman. So is being argumentative and right. So naturally I realized a few things were left out. Really just two or three or four. But to round it off, I made it 25. So here are 25 more things, on top of Esquire’s 75, that you don’t know about women.
1. We need to be the center of attention, in a subtle way.
2. Never point out a grooming mishap – a stray hair, chipped polish, a wrinkled shirt. We’ll dwell on it and probably take it out on you in some passive-aggressive way.
3. You can never say “I love you” too much.
4. If you praise our cooking, we’ll be tickled and cook for you some more, even if we’re the type who hates domestic tasks, even if we pretend not to care.
5. We don’t sheet rock, spackle or fix leaks, but we’re glad you do.
6. Don’t try to teach us how to change a flat, change the oil or jumpstart our car. If we know, we know and don’t want to talk about it. If we don’t, it’s because we choose not to and have AAA (and you).
7. Be interested in movies that don’t revolve around aliens, war and/or violence. Or at least pretend. Sometimes. And don’t fall asleep.
8. You can never go wrong with jewelry. Any kind, any occasion.
9. Tell us what you want and we’ll try to give it to you.
10. We can kill the spider but really like it when you do.
11. Even though we run households and businesses, we secretly like it when you want to protect us from bad guys.
12. We think it’s really sexy that you want to take care of us. We probably won’t let you. But it’s nice that you want to.
13. You can never say “you’re beautiful” too much.
14. Give us a kick-ass massage and we’ll probably be yours for life.
15. Remember our birthday, favorite color and favorite author.
16. If you love our cat, we’ll probably love you too.
17. You can never give us too many compliments.
18. Be charming to the people we introduce you to and we’ll fall for you all over again.
19. Pay attention to what makes us happy; we know what makes you happy.
20. Don’t, under any circumstances, agree that we’ve put on a few pounds.
21. If we throw a temper tantrum, it’s OK to just give us a hug and not say a word. Probably safer really.
22. Attend horrible family gatherings with us and we’ll be happy to shop for all your relatives and send cards.
23. We’re all particularly particular. So you should be pleased we picked you.
24. Be firm in your beliefs; we respect that even if we don’t agree.
25. You can never be too kind, too nice, too polite, too chivalrous. Really.
Yes. We're a pain in the ass. But we'll kiss yours if you do it right.
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Comments
ya know JLee, i didn't think of it that way, but you're right. huh. yuck. i hate that about me. i used to pride myself on being such a freaking man. but i'm not. i think i have way too many girly girlfriends. grr.
thanks for the list, but I'm still baffled...
I'm thinking that one is a universal, though. For all the talk of wanting bad boys- have you ever known a woman who was like- "oh yeah, give me the socially inept one, I adore a guy who drools in public?"
3, 13, 14, 17, 25.
End of story.
ramesh, i'm lost, sorry...
thanks john walker
brian, it's not so baffling when there's a freaking list
hablean julie, there's something to the bad boy in the short term. but in the end, they're never a keeper. droolers? you're so right, no thanks
RATED
Of course it's a bad answer to the question "Do I look fat in this dress?"
However in general I do find women worse than men it that respect. On our campus during the summer when the prospective students and their parents visit, I often have to help with directions when out for my lunchtime walk. A couple of weeks ago, this woman and her daughter asked me for help. They had a map of campus, and the lady said "So this circle here is this fountain (we're standing by it), and that's that building there right (correctly identifying the Music Building)? So how do we get to the main library (pointing at it on the map)?" So in broad daylight, with a map in hand, and having correctly figured out exactly where they were, and where their destination was, neither of them could figure out which direction to go...
Actually ladies, you know that style a lot of women wear these days where you have two tee-shirts of different colors, and the inner one is longer than the outer one, and comes down over your pants so we can see the color? THAT is what's making your ass look fat.
cartouche, we're all in love with duaneart.
and duaneart? yes, you're right!
robin, i wish i could do what you can, but i can't and i'm not even trying anymore. i did try, really. and tried to read maps too.
i'm glad you got a laugh patrick -- you know way more than you think you do. i can tell....
well, i.c. london, i suppose there's something to that (and i am partial to dresses)
thank you raving bits! i could totally make a list of 100 more! and i don't claim, not even for a second, to know this to be true for all women ...
and thank you OE!
walkaway, it's so true -- duane has all the answers!
and beegee? well, i can relate.
JK, of course you're right. that's it in a non-list format. lists are just fun tho. but you're totally right!
Thanks kathy!
I did make a point to a male friend of mine - a generalization I find true: If a woman is upset, simply validate what she is saying and add a little warmth. It can make the anger dissipate almost instantly.
Like a good apology. If its done the right way (which is fairly easily), I'm back to feeling fine again, almost instantly. It's not brain surgery though I think many men think it is.