Want to see the best in snowfall creations? Come to New Jersey, where we don’t merely make snowmen and igloos when faced with a foot of good packing snow. Uh uh. We get down and dirty. Or artistic. Depending on your point of view.

 The latest (no, not the first) is the Venus de Milo in Rahway. (Or is it Jenna Jameson without limbs?) Either way you look at it, no one can say it’s not freaking good.

^{Art or porn? You be the judge. Photos by Conneran family}

I’m sure our resident snowman expert will attest that this is a work of art, breasts and, ahem, all else, aside. I have trouble packing a round snowball yet this family crafted something that, melting aside, could be on display at the Met.

 My brother’s 10-foot snowman pales in comparison. Yes, it was 10-feet-tall and has a sweet face and cute little ears; I have no clue how he did it. I will forever be impressed.  But the Rahway sculpture is lovely, the angles just right. It does, actually, look like the Venus de Milo.

^{An impresive -- & more crowd-pleasing snow creation for a suburban lawn.}

But now she’s clothed in a cheap bikini top and wrap. Someone called the cops to complain about the snow porn on a neighborhood lawn. So the cops, not knowing what to cite the family under, just asked them to dress her (and a corncob pipe and a button nose would not do).

At least they didn’t demand she be removed, like Parsippany police did when a few teens made a snow penis last month. I wish I had a picture, but the youth were caught in the act and no one captured the Kodak moment. Ok. The teens created their art on the high school lawn, in the dark. Their real Kodak moment would’ve been the look on the first teacher’s face who arrived the next morning. A video would’ve captured a shriek showing a hand clasped over a mouth in horror, or a knee-slapping smile that would’ve erupted into belly laughs. Either way, we’ve all been denied great youtube entertainment.

 Whoever called the cops on the snow breasts is probably in the minority of those who think a cover-up was due. The family said they think their sculpture went from art to porn by adding the bikini. They said now she’s objectified. I think they’re right.

 Before, she did look museum-like, her breasts overshadowed by her lack of arms. The only thing modern about her look is her abdominals. Museum women – and the Venus de Milo – have nice, round jelly bellies. The snow chick is sporting a six-pack. She obviously hits the gym …

 This story will hit the Associated Press, if it hasn't already. And if the family cares to pursue it, they can make a legal issue of being forced to objectify their art, and being forced to send their children a horrible message about women, breasts, art, porn and freedom of expression.

 In my town, I think she’d have been overlooked (though gossiped about). We have a number of artists and a certain level of tolerance. The giant (permanent) sculptures on an artist’s home on a main drag are mostly complained about over coffee; no one’s called the cops, or if they have, the law opted not to intervene. Rutherford is, after all, the hometown of William Carlos Williams. Dignified poet, yes. Still. We have to embrace art in any form it emerges.

 Porn versus art is certainly not a new topic for debate and discussion. It’s just so rare for it to be staged on the suburban front lawn. And made out of snow.

 New Jersey. Home of crooked politicians and pornographic snow. Somewhere, I hear a publicist weeping.

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