What does it take to shoot a professional 4-7 minute comic short? A lot more than I imagined. As I was sprawled on the concrete in Tribeca, trying to absorb instructions from a stunt coordinator on the proper way to throw a fake punch, I thought: this is nuts.

   ^{The indoor set of "Scissors."
   photo/c. capitani}

 "This is nuts." That was close to the line I kept flubbing, “You’re nuts.” Probably because I was thinking, “I’m nuts.” Or “you’re all nuts.” Or anyone who wants to be an actor "is nuts."

But it was more likely because at that point, after flip-flopping my way through Manhattan in torrential rain the day before (rehearsal time), and having just shot 4 hours of indoor footage, I was physically and mentally drained.

And my neck was starting to hurt, aside from my always-bum shoulder and my recently-injured knee. The acting biz is not for the physically unfit or mentally unfocused. There’s a certain way to throw your head and hair when you’re being pummeled. And the lines acted out have to be performed on the upswing of the head, not the down (who knew?).

Being the only amateur among a cast of professionals, a lot of the time I felt a bit feeble-minded. Lines and emotions rolled from my co-star so effortlessly, her facial expressions changing with each word. For me, trying to remember the lines – and act -- was the equivalent of patting my head and rubbing my stomach at the same time.  Sounds easy, but it’s not.

How, then, did I-don’t-know-anything-me end up on this movie set? It was quite literally a luck of the draw. My friend and me went to the monthly Tribeca film fest of comic shorts and there was a raffle. The winner would get to be in an upcoming film. I won.

And 2 weeks later, I was surrounded by a professional director, cameraman, sound dude, prop guy and make-up artist (who was just the day before was on a set with Christopher Lloyd).  And a co-star, who, after this shoot, had 8 and 10 p.m. shows to perform. It was all very Twilight Zone.

I was coached, repositioned and touched-up the entire day. My co-star mouthed my lines to me at times when I zoned out from having reshot the same scene 10 times. There were action shots and stills, repetition and sweat (both real and applied). The make-up pro would fix our hair during retakes, “It was behind your ear before.” Continuity; very important in film.

When we finally wrapped on Vesey Street, after competing with raindrops, other camera crews, a Mister Softee truck, and before that the Rapture crowd (this was shot on the day the world was to end – May 21) and a dance parade … I was spent. I limped back to Jersey towing the contents of my closet (they weren’t sure what I was to wear, and asked me to bring a selection) and longed for sleep.

The next day, however, I felt a bit unplugged and looked around my Jersey life with distain. This is it? I looked out my window and saw the quiet suburban streets, the whole-lot-of nothing going on. I knew no matter where I trekked in the area, there would be no film crews, no actors or directors. The emptiness was startling, not just from my vantage point, but from deep within.

The world didn’t end, there would be no parades or streets blocked off in Rutherford for any reason at all. There would just be the normal, everyday life of dogs being walked, babies being pushed in strollers, and the quiet hum of Sunday morning breakfast wafting from kitchen windows. Just another day in suburbia.

It’s then when I realized why actors, cameramen, directors and crew did what they did: the adrenaline rush and the passionate perfection for their craft. I had the privilege of being engulfed in their energy – and the pulse of the city in general – and am forever changed.  

Though I will never long to be an actor, I will always seek the energy of creative and passionate souls. And I guess I always have. Why else was I even in Tribeca to win the prize? Where else would I be on a Saturday night except in Manhattan?

Some people maneuver the city streets and subway platforms with distain and long for escape. I, though lost and confused at times, relished it. And I can’t wait to do it again.

Anyone in the New York City area who wants the catch the June 4 film (which is part of a series) can PM me for information, or order $10 tickets here.