Day Two:  It’s only day two of my low-cholesterol diet and I’ve already cheated. Yesterday at lunch I simply had to put a slice of Swiss cheese on my skinny chicken sandwich. I was so hungry after my half-bowl of purple breakfast oatmeal that I found I’d eaten half of the slice of cheese before it even got to the top of the sandwich. I also used Italian dressing instead of mustard.

 Adding gluttony to my sins, I garnished my midday meal with exactly eight avocado-flavored tortilla chips. I followed lunch with fresh fruit; apple slices and pineapple, which gave me a serious case of the hiccups. (I tried to eat a strawberry but my mouth puckered so badly I needed a spoon to open it up again.)

After tennis I stopped at Trader Joe’s to find a decent (cheap) bottle of red wine to go with dinner. I was hungry again so, of course, I loaded my cart with a lot of unnecessary, but fat free items: Including “guiltless brownies”; for my son, I rationalized.

I also picked up a bottle of Trader Joe’s colon cleanse. A close friend had assured me a good old-fashioned cleansing would also help lower my cholesterol. The checkout person held the bottle up and announced it was one of TJ’s best sellers. How nice to know I have company.

While broiling the pork chops (thin sliced) I decided to whip up the brownies. All it takes is 2/3 cup non-fat plain or vanilla yogurt, a spoon, a bowl and a pan. I was more than dismayed to discover that the TJ’s Greek non-fat yogurt is as thick as wallpaper paste. It wouldn’t blend. Seething with frustration and a lack of my former daily dose of cholesterol, I tossed in a real egg, a dash of canola oil and some of my non-fat fortified milk.

Dinner was splendid. I downed four of the colon cleanse capsules as an appetizer. I sipped on a glass of pinot noir throughout the meal. Once the last morsel of chop and southwestern corn vanished from my plate, I fell asleep midway through a conversation with my son.