Heart Full of Hope

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Christine Geery

Christine Geery
February 17
I've never played by the rules. I was absent the day they handed those out. I believe in being kind, playing fair, laughing often, not judging others and drinking red wine. And I always kiss my Sweetie goodnight. It may lead to other fun stuff. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Life is short!  Break the rules!  Forgive quickly!  Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably... And never regret anything that made you smile. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Always remember that stressed spelled backwards is desserts. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~ Mark Twain


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AUGUST 3, 2011 3:43PM

My Lights Were On, But Nobody Was Home!

Rate: 21 Flag

About a year ago we joined some good friends of ours for dinner in their home. They had other guests also and we had a great time getting to know some new people. Daniel and I love acquainting ourselves with people of varied backgrounds, making our lives more interesting and diversified.

On this occasion we met a young man and his father. The father was a University Professor of English and was on the quiet side. The son, however, made up for his father's shyness. He was not loud or obnoxious, but he did extrapolate rather extensively about his college major of theater arts. He spoke of the various plays he had done, was working on, and asked us more than once to attend one of his performances. He was gracious in every aspect of his demeanor; his words and gestures were eloquent and deliberate. The most outstanding characteristic of this young man was his outward love for his father. I have never witnessed anyone, male or female, demonstrate such affection for a parent as he did so unashamedly in front of people. It was not an embarrassing sort of affection, but more of an arm placed casually around his father's shoulder on several occasions, asking if he needed anything. He also spent time massaging his father's shoulders. When his father left, he hugged him long and kissed his cheek lovingly assuring him that he would call him later.

I was overwhelmed by this man and I decided then that he must be gay. Since I am both color and “sexually-oriented blind”, I continued to have a wonderful evening.

About a month ago our friends informed us that they were attending this man's wedding...to a woman. Out of embarrassment, I did not voice my faux pas to them. To me though, I had been a hypocrite in the true meaning of the word. Here I had led my life believing I was completely open minded and yet I myself had pigeon-holed this man as being gay based simply on a few observations from one evening.

On another occasion we were having dinner with more new friends. All the members at the table were single except for Daniel and I. The conversation turned to rollerblading and one single male informed us that he would love to go with us. I immediately said that he might meet a young woman there. He turned to his friend and said, “Well that won't do me much good.” Because I am so adept at inserting my foot into my mouth I shot back, “Why, are you gay?” Everyone starting hallowing and I was the one with egg on my face again.

I don't know what makes me do these things. By my age I should be able to think before speaking. I should know that you cannot under any circumstances judge a book by it's cover, and I should just keep my opinions to myself and never assume anything, thereby saving myself much self induced grief.

© Christine Geery 2011


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Don't beat yourself up too badly. I guess no one wants to be judged, but we look for ways to analyze and size up our environment as a way to navigate. We make assumptions based on what we observe. Sometimes we are right on track and sometimes we derail ourselves!!!
Well, you never know. I often think I have pretty good gaydar, but sometimes I miss.
It's probably a cultural thing. Russian men, for example, kiss on the lips. In the pre-gay marriage days many gays married to stay in the closet, so that wasn't the clue it seemed to be. I hope this has ended now that gays can more easily marry and have kids and not be harassed.
JOin the club.. I have foot in mouth disease..
I was married to a man who's father and son were gay and he leaved in constant fear that people would think he was, yet he claimed he didn't care what they thought. I think he was more afraid that he might be. I also have a friend who loves his sons very much but they never hug each other for exactly that reason.
Maybe if people were more open about asking and then did not
act like there was something wrong with it, it would not be such a big deal. I don't know, but I don't think you should have any grief over this one.
rated with love
I think it is human nature to wonder about others and then to make assumptions on what we see. If you didn't think on it then I feel that would be the bad thing. It would mean you don't try to connect with others. See all good!
You are not alone.r
Anyone who doesn't make the occasional slip in every sexual-ethic- overweight-skinny-bald-hairy-etc., etc., etc. would have to be a saint!
No one is perfect and people who know you will understand you didn't mean ill. And we are never too old to learn from experiences.
Never assume anything is one of my mantras. But as others have said, we all make mistakes and live to regret it.

Knowing we've done that and being able to laugh at our errors is the important part.
I've made some similar mistakes. We all do! I like to think of it as a benefit of socializing with a wide variety of people. I mean, if you confine yourself to the same set of folks, those you know, those you know (or believe) are exactly like you...well, no mistakes. But I think the potential for egg on the face is worth the growth!
Nobody is perfect, cut yourself some slack. You still might be right.
Don't worry, kid.
I once (in all sincerity) congratulated a person on being pregnant. Except she wasn't. Things went south from there.
Pobody's Nerfect, Christine!

My "gaydar" is so faulty, I've always found it safest to assume nothing. Even if a man shows up in a sparkly pink tutu looking as if he's ready for Carnival season in Rio, I don't say nothin'!

In my effort to be careful, I never say anything that can be misconstrued. Probably boring that way, but safe.
My take is that as long as your assumptions carried no malice, nobody should give a damn. Being thought gay shouldn't be a faux pas these days anyway (finally!), just an honest mistake.
The background noise you here at most parties, is simply everyone making mental assumptions, all the while trying to cover it over with boring conversation!
I can hear that hit single playing when I read this. Your good honey and do not ever forget that.
My gaydar is totally off, too, and it can be embarassing.
Thanks so much for all your fun sincere comments. I think I've moved on.
Yeah, I don't think Foot in Mouth decreases with age!! ~shaking his head~ ~:D

Still, good post. RATED~!
Move on!?!?!? My dear friend...... most of our conversations are based on foot in mouth disease!! You CAN'T move on !!!!