The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

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Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Location
Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Birthday
September 28
Bio
Con Chapman is the author of two novels, most recently CannaCorn (Joshua Tree) and The Year of the Gerbil, a history of the '78 Yankees-Red Sox pennant race. He is the author of 8 published plays, including A Guy Walks Into a Bar, a trilogy about drinking. His articles have appeared in The Boston Herald, The Boston Globe and national magazines. On-line, his humor is available at AmazonShorts. He was a finalist in the 2009 Robert Benchley Humor Competition and the Somerville Press Poetry Competition.

Con Chapman's Links

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DULUTH, Minnesota, AP.  Walter "Bug" Bujkowski, a football innovator credited with the invention of the shovel pass and the tackle-eligible play, died in his sleep last night of congestive heart failure. He was 97.

Proper shovel pass technique

One of the game's early visi

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NOVEMBER 23, 2009 4:42PM

Ask a Mime

Recently, a sort of cultural arms' race has broken out between the two grocery stores that are equidistant to our house.

To the west, a formerly sleepy supermarket underwent a total makeover that included an expanded liquor department.  As every schoolboy knows, in order to celebra

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KNOB NOSTER, Missouri.  Pro basketball scouts and agents have been flocking to this small town in central Missouri for months now, making for crowded conditions at the Motel 6 on State Highway 50.  “I’ve had to put two guys into the same room with a rollaway bed,” says ow

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TERRE HAUTE, Indiana.  In this most typical of Midwestern cities, Bob Elmore faces a dilemma as November 30th approaches every year.  "It's time to renew my insurance," he says, "and believe me it's never easy."

Ernie . . .

Bob plays golf with Ernie Thompson, who brokers his c

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NEW YORK. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will for the first time feature living personalities this year as Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken were added to list of colorful ballons that bring joy to children as they float through the streets of Manhattan in the traditional start to the holiday season.

%IMARead full post »

News item: A Boston-area radio station began playing Christmas music on Veteran's Day this year, the earliest date ever. 

Holiday people, being too cheerful.
I'd like to give one or two a good earful.
Jolly like Santa, talking too loud-
I can't avoid them, I'm stuck in the crowd.

 

&n

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NOVEMBER 20, 2009 11:56AM

Is Like 20 White Kittens Too Much to Ask?

As a condition to an appearance at a London shopping mall, Mariah Carey's list of required items included 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, pink butterfly confetti and a wand to wave.  Wonderwall, msn.com

"I am so-o-o precious!"

Dear Diary:

Just got back from my knuckle-hair waxing ses

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Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 20, 2009 8:51AM

Will Your Relationship Survive the Holidays?

The holidays are a stressful time of the year, straining both long-term relationships and brief flings that begin as drunken come-ons at office parties.  How does one cope with competing and often conflicting demands of "significant others" that clash with family obligations, year-end business&

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FOXBORO, Mass.  It was, long-time NFL observers said, one of the most painful and excruciating injuries ever witnessed in a professional football game.  "That brain cramp there, that was as bad as anything that ever happened to Joe Montana or Bronko Nagurski," said Sean Foley, beat reporte

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Rocco Landesman, new chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts, says he will open up funding to rap artists.  The Wall Street Journal

I was sitting at my desk, tapping out rejection letters to the poets, community theatre groups and local symphony orchestras whose pending applications sat

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  The Transportation Security Agency, the arm of the federal government that protects the nation's transportation systems, today issued its pre-Thanksgiving survey of articles most likely to be seized during mandatory passenger searches, singling out snack-size bags of

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Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 18, 2009 5:00PM

Citing Risks, FAA to Limit Blogs by Air Traffic Controllers

SCHENECTADY, N.Y.  Floyd Curtin has been an air traffic controller at Mookie Wilson International Airport here for nearly twenty years, but he is more widely-known as “Rat Dog”, the “screen name” he uses for his blog “Politics, Sports & B.S.”, which&n… Read full post »

BOSTON.  It’s 11:53 a.m., and Kirsten Dunster, a paralegal, has been watching the clock at the law firm where she works for the past eight minutes.  She’s about to make a break for the back door when Todd Nurdstrom, a fourth-year associate, approaches her desk.

%IMAGE

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NOVEMBER 18, 2009 8:01AM

Life's Unfair--Period

 

Darling, forgive me if I seem a dunth

But why must your period come oneth a month?

It strikes me that we'd avoid many a tear

If it was like Christmas and came once a year.

 

A quadrennial schedule's a much better fix--
Have it every four years/

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NOVEMBER 18, 2009 7:58AM

Ask Mr. Sports Talk Guy

It is time once again to dig into Mr. Sports Talk Guy's mailbag and answer your questions on jargon from the four major sports groups.

"Stop yelling at me!"

Dear Mr. Sports Talk Guy--

My boyfriend--I will call him "Darrell" although he does not wear quotation marks on his head-- isRead full post »

PARIS.  Jubilant fans poured into the streets here last night overturning Renaults and hitting riot policemen with baguettes after France reclaimed the World Baking Championship following a twelve-year dry spell.

 

"Nous sommes nombre une!"

"We had become like les Cubbies

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NOVEMBER 17, 2009 9:08AM

Speed Dating With the Supreme Court

In the case of Bilski and Warsaw v. Kappos, Justice Stephen Breyer asked counsel whether he could patent a method of teaching that would keep 80% of students awake; Justice Antonin Scalia asked if horse whispering could be patented; and Justice Sonia Sotomayor asked if speed dating could be patented

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  The Department of Homeland Security today issued an advisory to internet users to avoid excessive use of exclamation points in email messages or risk a meltdown of the world-wide network that connects people by computers.

Napolitano:  "You don't see me geRead full post »

Sometimes as I sit at my desk at night, my hands pressed to my temples, trying to come up with a poem that will be rejected by both The New York and My Little Messenger, I recall an offhand remark by W.H. Auden that I read many years ago.  Where,

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  Responding to criticism from elite institutions of higher learning, U.S. News & World Report today announced it would include female leg and armpit hair as a factor in its annual ranking of the best American colleges.

"We have been rightfully chastised for focusing… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 16, 2009 8:32AM

At the Vatican-UFO Summit

In a departure from its traditional position that the earth is the only inhabited planet, the Vatican has consulted experts on the possibility of extraterrestrial life.  The Boston Herald

"With my mitre on, my head's as big as an alien's!"

Even though I've been instructed neve

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NOVEMBER 15, 2009 6:02PM

My Quest to Bring Karaoke to Mt. Everest

Sometimes, it takes a tragedy to change the way we view the world.  For me, it was the story of David Sharp.

Sharp was a climber in distress who died 300 feet from the summit of Mt. Everest.  A number of parties, including that of double-amputee Mark Inglis, passed him by, oblivious… Read full post »

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va.  Tropical storm Ida pounded this coastal city Friday, leaving residents scrambling to higher ground with some rivers cresting at seven feet above flood stage.  "It's a real nor'easter," said retiree Clem Furnell.  "We had just got the 't' and the 'h' back in place

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You know the problem.  You’ve found a man who is fun to be with and could be “The One”, but there’s that little something about him that holds you back from true love and long-term commitment.  Ms. Almost Perfect provides sensible solutions to women who need&nbs… Read full post »

WASHINGTON, D.C.  Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced yesterday that pizza magnate Chuck E. Cheese has joined forces with the world's central banks to halt the slide of the U.S. dollar against other major currencies.

Geithner:  "For only fifty tickets you cRead full post »