NFL Reinstates Vick, Limits Pets to Turtles, Goldfish
NEW YORK. National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell today conditionally reinstated convicted animal abuser Michael Vick, but will limit the former Atlanta Falcons quarterback to ownership of miniature turtles and goldfish during a probationary period.
Mini-turtles: Starting out small.
"Mr. Vick has paid his debt to society," Goodell said after Vick's ankle bracelet was removed. "I don't think he's ready to own a dog or a cat right now, but if he behaves himself and achieves a quarterback rating of 95 or better, I'll think about it."
Goldfish: They don't fight, but there are an awful lot of stony silences.
In 2007 Vick was convicted of running a dogfighting operation and sentenced to 23 months imprisonment and three years probation. He was eligible for a reduced sentence based on good behavior, but elected to stay in federal prison after Whoopi Goldberg came to his defense on "The View", touching off fears that he would be "set up" with the outspoken actress upon release.
Goldberg: "I figure he probably won't be dating anybody when he gets out."
Vick has thrown for 11,505 yards in six NFL seasons, and has a 53.8% completion percentage. He is currently reviewing personal ads placed by women seeking men that don't say "must like dogs".
"God is #1, and I'm the other #1."
"It's not easy since as you know that's sort of a standard requirement," notes matchmaker Julia Fromertz. "It would be like finding an ad that said 'I'm not into candlelight dinners or walks on the beach.'"