The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

Is there anyone I haven't offended yet? Mort Sahl

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Location
Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Birthday
September 28
Bio
. . . is the author of "Everyday Noir," available in print and Kindle format on amazon.com.

MY RECENT POSTS

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 12, 2009 10:28AM

Birthers: Hawaii's Not a Real State

Rate: 26 Flag

HONOLULU, Hawaii.  Temporarily set back by the release of a Certification of Live Birth for President Barack Obama by the State of Hawaii, members of the "birther" movement today fought back, arguing that Hawaii is not a real state.

I mean seriously:  Which is more likely to be a state, Hawaii or Nebraska?

"Obama is not a legitimate president because Hawaii is not a legitimate state," said Norbert Speiser of Downer's Grove, Illinois.  "Hawaii does not have a straight line in its borders, which is required in order to obtain statehood."

An alleged Kenyan birth certificate for Obama was filed in one of numerous lawsuits challenging Obama's citizenship, but White House press officers claimed it was produced by an internet-based Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator.  "So what," replied Alan Strader, or Roanoke, Virginia.  "Anybody could set up a fake Hawaiian Certification of Live Birth Generator."

Hawaii lacks many of the characteristics of the other forty-nine states, according to Herman Wold, chairman of the Geography Department at Clark University in Worcester, Mass.  "Hawaii is the only state made up entirely of islands, not geographically located in North America, and completely surrounded by water," he notes.  "Do you want me to keep going, because we're right in the middle of our annual verification of state capitals, and we're only on Kentucky."

Jim Nabors:  And they say it can't happen here.

Hawaii is the only state with a royal palace, a fact that has caused many birthers to suspect that Obama will ultimately demand to be named King of the United States.  Hawaii is the only state in which coffee is grown, and the only state occupied by Jim Nabors, the actor who portrayed "Gomer Pyle" on The Andy Griffith Show and a subsequent eponymous spin-off from that show.  "An eponymous spin-off can be a life-saver in a solar system such as ours," notes California Institute of Technology professor Willard van Ormand.  "You've got one show and two big stars, and if you don't create a second sitcom, there could be a gigantic gaseous explosion."

Author tags:

hawaii, birthers, comedy, satire, spoof, humor

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
"a fact which has caused many birthers to suspect that Obama will ultimately demand to be named King of the United States."

Aw, CRAP. Don't go giving them ideas. I expect to hear this allegation on FOX News by 6 pm.

Con, man, you're killing me.
The hula is clearly un-American and that is enough proof by itself.
. . . not to mention grass skirts.
Speaking of gaseous explosions, it looks like those birthers are too stupid to be any kind of a real threat.

That is unless CNN continues to be the Home Shopping Network of right wing political crap.
I went to Hawaii once. It was like going home to the Missouri State Fair with an ocean around it--a bunch of vacationing retirees walking around saying "Y'all about ready to eat again?"
Hmmm - just what I've always suspected!
That Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator is awesome!
It's right up there with my favorite, the rap nickname generator.
I can vouch for this. It's all true.
Even the Jim Nabors part?
Life is tough for commenters who can't separate the "myth" from the "satire." Among your very best.
I've run into Jim Nabors a couple of times. Once at California Pizza Kitchen in Kahala. The last time at Macaroni Grill at lunchtime at the Ala Moana mall. He comes in with his SO, and a couple of friends. He wears a baseball cap to deflect people like me from staring at him. But I watched him a little during lunch. And I don't think he minded too much.
So solve the riddle of the ages--is his SO male or female? The Rock Hudson-Gomer Pyle marriage resulting in "Rock Pyle" urban myth will not die.
Oh my friend. The SO is male, of course. Mr. Nabors also has had a liver transplant due to hepatitis.

The rock hudson/nabors myth was due to the fact that back then, everyone was in the closet so the thinking was if these 2 men were gay, they must be a couple! Ha!
Thanks--I can die in peace now.
Ah, now that is where there is a weird convergence of left and right.
The left argues that Hawaii was stolen, which it was, and so the annexation was invalid and the howlies have to go.
then the right says it is not a state, and obama is out.
:)
They can't take Hawaii away--my Aunt and Uncle get great deals at the Honolulu Army Base PX.
I can take a joke, even the same old re-hash of our Islands, though cliche laughs are awfully pedestrian, in my view beneath what should be the dignity of OS.

Seriously, for those of us (which is most of us here) who have had friends and relatives come into this world through Kapiolani Hospital, particulary those who were there and visited the young Prez following his birth there, well, the idea that the fine people and doctors there would cook up documents is very offensive.

And, speaking of offensive, imagine the nerve of picking Oahu, home to Pearl Harbor, as somehow being symbolic of the left, a true attempt at revisionism despite the obvious ultimate sacrifice made here.

Racist Right is for the pale, male and stale crew ... the youth won't have it, and they don't watch Fox or listen to Beck/Limbaugh propaganda ... look closely how young people laugh and make fun of the birthers and the Right ... think they will vote for them in the future? I do not.
Those coconut bras are mighty unAmerican, as well.
That's right...the founding fathers demanded that every new state must be one that you can get on your horse and ride to...it's right there...read it. Well, you cannot ride a horse to Hawaii so that makes the place just a click on TravelZoo.com and nothing else. Obama, sorry but get out and let Gerald Ford take over [beats Bush even dead].
Americans should not be allowed to run for President. It's a conflict of interest.
Did the Pilgrims eat poi? No!
Funny stuff, but not out of the realm of possibility, considering these nutcases. But forget Hawaii. My question is this: Why weren't more people encouraging when Gov. Rick Perry wanted Texas to secede from the Union?"

Rated!
This is better than Weekend Update.
I think Cokie Roberts struggles with this. She said Obama shouldn't vacation in this "strange, exotic land." She preferred Branson, MO.
hmm, writing for the Daily Show perhaps?

The most obvious reason Hawaii isn't a real state is its location. Of course, when the Big One hits and California becomes detached, that argument won't hold water (oops)...except wait, maybe California isn't a state.

Too confusing. I gotta go to work now.
It's a suprisingly loud state. My parents used to winter there and, like every other retired couple in their complex kept their TV up to airline-runway volume levels.
The new Death Panels will gradually reduce the number of people who worry about this sort of thing.
Also the only state with poi. A communist plot against our intestines if I ever saw one.
Wo Fat was a long-time resident of Hawaii, too. Something fishy about that. He disappeared about the time Hawaii 5-0 faded away. Or was it Jake and the Fatman? Oh, now I remember, he left the islands shortly after Obama was born. I think he had a warrant issued for generating fake documents on demand. cy
hawaii.
three vowels in a row.
not a state.
'nuff said.
I used to be offended when people would treat Hawaii as if it wasn't part of the U.S. And then, I grew up, and put away childish things. I realized: that's an inadvertent compliment!

Don, by the way, it's spelled "haole."
Of course after Orly gets Obama booted out then she would need to address the fact that McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone. She could claim that narrow tract of land led to his narrow thinking.....
And whats with all those vowels? You can't even play a decent game of Wheel Of Fortune!
The attempt to delegitimize the first black president will continue regardless of fact or fiction. These are the same people who fifty years ago would have watched the news footage of Bull Connor releasing his dogs on women and children and cheered for the dogs. Hateful weirdos.
Hawaii is the 50th state, I'm just trying to figure out where the other 7 are. Who is 51?
FOFLMAO! I personally hope they deport the Birther Queen, Orly Taitz.
I knew it! And now you've shown us incontrovertible proof - you DO have documented proof, don't you. If not, I could direct you to a website...
Israeli forces storm into holiest place on earth:

http://joshfulton.blogspot.com/2009/10/israeli-police-storm-jerusalems-holiest.html