Bob [Dylan] is not authentic at all.  He's a plagiarist and his name and voice are fake.

                                                   Joni Mitchell, Los Angeles Times

"That's not an A minor chord, you doofus!"

It's been a tough coupla decades for a folk music fight promoter, lemme tell ya.  Like everybody says, if there ain't no action in the heavyweight division, the lacka no action trickles down troo da weight classes.  You got da middleweights, yer Phil Ochses, yer Tom Rushes.  Folks will come see dem on an undercard, but not da main event.

"Sing 'Greensleeves--that oughta get him!"

You drop down to your lightweights, yer Melanies and yer Arlo Guthries.  Sure, they're good for a Friday night hootenanny, but are ya gonna get any kinda draw on pay-per-view?  I don't think so.

"I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got an object that completes my double entendre."

But boy, lemme tell ya, da prospect of a Bob Dylan-Joni Mitchell slugfest, that's got my mouth salivatin'.  Lessee--"Rumble in the Jungle" has already been used.  How about "Crash in the College Gym" or "Collision in the Episcopalian Church Basement."  Sumpin' like dat--it's a promotional thing, see?

"No--not 'The Hissing of Summer Lawns!'"

A lotta people say they don't like the pre-fight hoopla, say it's all fake.  I say it's part of the fight, psychin' out your folk music opponent like Cassius Clay did ta Sonny Liston.  So I say Joni's got every right to run her mouth off at Dylan.  Everybody knows she's just yankin' his chain about the fake name.  "Joni Mitchell" is a phony as a three-dollar bill.  Her real name's Roberta Joan Anderson and everybody knows it.  Personally I think it's a cheap crack callin' Bobby out 'cause he didn't wanna be Bobby Zimmerman any more--who would?  Lotsa champs change their name.  Clay became Ali, Sugar Ray Robinson was Walker Smith, Jr.  Who cares?  It's part of the business.

T.S. Eliot:  "I said it and I meant it, see?"

The plagiarism stuff--that's more serious, tho.  What is it T.S. Eliot said?  "Immature poets imitate? Mature poets steal."  I know Bob stole "Corrine, Corrina" from Bo Chatmon and the Mississippi Sheiks and Robert Johnson.  That just shows he's mature.

I mean--what has Joni ever stolen?  Maybe the hair, from Mary Travers of Peter, Paul & Mary.  Maybe the open tuning on her guitar from Richie Havens.  The dippy demeanor, tho, that's hers, she came up with that.  That's her gift to music, she should get credit for it.

Anyway, it's gonna be da fight of the century.  I know that ain't sayin' much since the century's only nine years old, but still, we ain't had a major folk music fight The Chad Mitchell Trio took on The Kingston Trio in a battle royal on Hootenanny!

I'll lay you 2 to 1 Dylan knocks her out.