CHICAGO.  Rahm Emanuel met today with Chicago White Sox officials to discuss a revival of "Whack-a-Royal Night," a move designed to enhance the formerly second, now third city's brand by linking it to the Mayor-elect's notoriously explosive temper.

"Welcome to Chicago you rube!"

            "People think of the Cubbies and assume we're all lovable losers here," said Emanuel, who worked in the White House with President Obama, a White Sox fan.  "I want them to think of the random violence that is the South Side's most endearing characteristic."

            Team officials plan a "Whack a Royal Night" when Kansas City comes to the Windy City July 4th for a three-game series to commemorate the 2002 incident in which a father and his teenage son climbed out of the stands at U.S. Cellular Field and attacked Royals' first-base coach Tom Gamboa.  "These yokels come up from Missouri, all corn-fed and happy, just asking for it," said Emanuel with a gleam in his eye.  "We want them to know they're not getting out of town with any money in their pockets."

"I'm da mayor now, and I can suspend the infield fly rule if I want."

            White Sox fans have historically been considered more abrasive than Cubs followers, and their surroundings may have something to do with it.  U.S. Cellular Field is bounded by a high-speed expressway on one side and housing projects on the other three, while Wrigley Field is located in a quaint residential neighborhood that includes restaurants, theatres and bars frequented by young professionals.

            "You see people walking around Wrigleyville, big grins on their faces.  You walk out of the 'Cell' with a smile on your face and the cops will stop you for questioning," said long-time Chicago resident Adam Kopik, "maybe even a beating if they're looking for a promotion."

"All right--I'll pay my parking fines!"

            Emanuel is known for his explosive temper, and once sent a dead fish to a pollster who had displeased him.  "That story makes Rahm seem so one dimensional," said Millicent Studen, a long-time supporter from the "Gold Coast" on Chicago's North Side.  "He also sent the head of a sheep to a librarian who sent him an overdue book notice, and a dead hamster to a kid who brushed back his son in Little League."