WASHINGTON.  The sniping between potential Republican presidential candidates escalated yesterday with Texas Governor Rick Perry saying that former Mitt Romney's hair style would increase America's dependence on foreign oil, and Romney countering that "I could buy Texas and give Perry San Antonio back in change."

Romney:  "I do not use foreign oil on my hair.  It's blubber from gay baby whales."

Romney was the front-runner for his party's nomination until Perry entered the race last week and immediately vaulted ahead of the former Massachusetts governor, a businessman whose net worth exceeds the gross national product of Upper Volta.  "Competition is good for the party," said Republican Party Chairman Reince Preibus, whose name was formed from a particularly bad hand of Scrabble tiles.  "It is a measure of our diversity that the candidate who's considered the 'safe' choice is the guy who wears weird underwear."

Mormon underwear:  "Dusty Rose" color available in women's sizes only.

If elected, Romney would be the first president since Richard Nixon to use hair cream.  "After Nixon resigned slicked-back hair became associated with a certain slippery quality among voters," noted David Sargent, a professor of political science at Quinnipiac College.  "The Mormons had stockpiled enough Wildroot Cream-Oil in the hills of Utah to last two centuries in case the Anti-Christ had blow-dried hair--like Perry."

Perry: Uses only wind power to groom hair.

Perry is a former "yell leader" at Texas A&M University, a background that places him squarely within the Republican Party tradition of former cheerleader politicians such as Mississippi Senator Trent Lott and President George W. Bush.  "Cheerleaders stand on the sideline and urge the proles on the sports teams on to glory, a metaphor for politicans who back military conflict but avoid service," says Dr. Roger Clarke, a professor of political science at Randolph-Macon College.  "When the jocks get hurt the cheerleaders swoop in and score all the chicks."

"The quarterback's injured--guess I'll have to dance with a male cheerleader."

During his unsuccessful run for the U.S. Senate in 1994 Romney was portrayed as a heartless capitalist by incumbent Senator Ted Kennedy.  "That's unfair," Romney said during a televised debate.  "Whenever we announce a massive layoff on Friday, we take time to reflect and cancel the Saturday baby seal hunt."