WASHINGTON, D.C. Angered by a columnist’s charges that he receives more lenient media treatment than GOP vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan, Vice President Joe Biden made the rounds of talk shows today with an aide and three squirrels to “prove the far-right has gone too far this time.”

“One was a flying squirrel, and just lunged at me!”

The claim made by National Review columnist Jonah Goldberg that Biden could appear on national television saying “Get these squirrels off of me” without attracting serious commentary from liberal members of the media drew fire from White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. “This is just more of the same mean-spirited and divisive politics that we suffered through for 8 years under George W. Bush,” said Carney. “Why anyone would force a poor, innocent squirrel to jump on Joe Biden is beyond me.”

Carney: “If you love nature, you must love squirrels . . .”

Biden appeared first on NBC’s “Today Show,” where aides threw the squirrels on him following a softball question from David Gregory. “Mr. Vice President, you’ve been accused of plagiarism several times in your life,” Gregory began. “How unqualified is Paul Ryan to be vice president of the United States?”

Member of White House press corps, at photo opportunity

“Well, David, as you know–dammit, get these squirrels off of me–over the course of my career I have taken a firm stand on crime–I’m against it–and, fer Christ sake, is somebody going to do something about these freaking squirrels!”

David Gregory: Who says he’s not a serious journalist?

“Take a moment to compose yourself if you need it,” Gregory said, sensitive to Biden’s apparent discomfort. “I’ll just spin quarters on the table here.”

“There is no way Paul Ryan could handle an onslaught of squirrels like me!”

“Thanks, David,” Biden continued after Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Deborah Wasserman Schultz distracted the squirrels with offers of jobs as Supreme Court Justice and Undersecretary of State in the event of a Democratic victory in November.

Wasserman Schultz: “There is no evidence--none--of a cash payment to any squirrel.”

“What I’m hearing out there in America today among good, hard-working people,” Biden continued, “is a changing mood on plagiarism. If your son needs to get to football practice or your daughter has soccer and they’re running out of time to finish a two-page essay on Harry Truman or something stupid like that, there is nothing wrong with copying stuff out of the Golden Book Encyclopedia.”

“Do you have any concern that we would be ‘dumbing down’ the quality of education in our schools if we allowed students to do that?” Gregory asked of the man who famously said that a rank of 76 out of 85 put him in the top half of his law school class at Syracuse University. “I don’t think so, Dave,” Biden replied with his trademark smile, “but then again, it’s hard to think when you’ve got squirrels crawling all over you.”