The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.


JANUARY 29, 2013 5:09PM

On Deciding Not to be a Bitch

Rate: 12 Flag

You know it makes one feel rather good deciding not to be a bitch.

Lady Brett Ashley, The Sun Also Rises

Deny yourself that pleasure
For my sake; that feeling beyond measure
That you get when you finally, and with much angst,
Decide not to be a bitch, to a round of general thanks.

Unbitchiness brings happiness that is fleeting
While running me down in a BMW on your way, late, to a meeting
Is a memory I’ll always cherish,
Assuming I live and don’t perish.

Yes, that’s my coat in the overhead compartment
That brings you such exasperation
As you smash it with your briefcase, with deportment.
Forgive me for getting there first—I’m an abomination!

I agree, your half-caf soy chai whateveruccino
Has to be perfect.  Don’t mind the line
That stretches out to the horizon, we won’t make a scene-o
We don’t have to get to work at any particular time—we’re fine!

No, go on your merry way, I love you just the way you are
And surely I’m not alone–
The big hair, the blood-red nails, the car
That swerves into me while you talk on your phone.

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making me homesick
Mmmmmmmmm... I love the smell of misogyny in the afternoon!

P.S. If I had written something even 1/10th as inflammatory as this, terms like "ball buster", "bitch", "man hater" etc. would come flying from the "manly man's" peanut gallery. If you get a pass from them, I guess that's pretty telling. (but certainly not right).
I often think of car and chairness
And metaphysical awareness
More silly is Ronkonkoma
Than string and bow synced Yo-Yo Ma

As for Safe Bet's Amy
Whose shtick is getting gamey
I'll gladly give my VISA
For her and Frank Apisa
I really enjoyed this and yet don't know quite why. whatevercuccino whatever you know. there is no misogyny here, amy. Sometimes amy is right to my chagrin, but not always. ahem etc.
i like the overhead compartment one best. laughing at the image. thanks, con.
blood red nails. ooo Loved this.
Just when I think I have a plan...
Misogynist? Nah; I'm getting "masochist".

Admit it - you love it.