The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller
APRIL 7, 2011 10:21PM

I'm So Glad

The boy had decided he needed to sell his music equipment—the p.a. system, his amp, his compact organ.  His band had broken up and wasn’t going to get back together.  He was leaving town at the end of the summer, to where exactly he didn’t know yet.

He put an

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AUGUSTA, Georgia.  The hallowed Augusta National golf course is a flurry of activity as play began in the 75th Masters Tournament today.  “I got a good lie on the 18th,” said reigning champ Phil Mickelson of his opening round.  “Then I went in the clubhouse and

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BOCA RATON, Florida.  Buoyed by poll results showing he is the favorite presidential candidate among Tea Party voters, real estate mogul Donald Trump made his case to members of the grass-roots group here yesterday, saying his political platform would be the same as his pricey real estate semin

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  In a move perceived as damage control, the Republican Party today appointed a panel of three babelicious beauties to investigate allegations of serial affairs by Newt Gingrich as the former Speaker of the House inched closer to announcing he is a candidate for President i

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CHICAGO.  Rahm Emanuel met today with Chicago White Sox officials to discuss a revival of "Whack-a-Royal Night," a move designed to enhance the formerly second, now third city's brand by linking it to the Mayor-elect's notoriously explosive temper.

"Welcome to Chicago you rube!"


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APRIL 3, 2011 12:41PM

Blues For Ms. So-and-So

She has no use for stylish despair
(you watch from behind, she touches her hair).
She thinks of leaving but decides to stay--
You try and think of something to say.


When, like Mr. Johnson, there’s ramblin' on your mind
She’s what you need—exactly the kind
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APRIL 2, 2011 5:01PM

A Physical Education

And so at last, it came to pass,

  my son was knocked upon his ass.

The world looked at his youthful pride,

  laughed a bit, cast it aside.

He was quick, and he was fast,

  ‘til he checked a kid from Quincy, Mass.




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CAIRO, Illinois.  Neighbors of the Masonic Hall here were awakened during the night by a noise that Ed Fregley, a retired pipefitter, called "the sounds of freedom."  "Finally, after all these years of oppression, we are equals--not slaves," he said as he fired off a pellet gun t

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Editor’s Pick
APRIL 1, 2011 8:20AM

Beer Pong With the Nobel Prize Winners

          Alcohol and American writers have always had a connection–about 70 percent of American winners of the Nobel Prize for Literature could be considered heavy drinkers if not more.


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MARCH 30, 2011 8:38PM

Yao Ming: Brad Miller Has No Liver

NEWARK, New Jersey.  The Houston Rockets kept their slim playoff hopes alive last night with a blowout win over the New Jersey Nets, but afterwards center Yao Ming had some sharp words for teammate Brad Miller, who scored only two points.

Ming–or is it Yao?

Ming challenged Mill… Read full post »

HOLLYWOOD.  Crystal Goblette is the top grossing act for Arcadia Records here, and Lionel Flavin, her manager, thinks she has a shot at becoming a multi-talented crossover star comparable to Barbra Streisand or Kris Kristoffersen, producing revenues from music and films.  Th

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Editor’s Pick
MARCH 29, 2011 9:28AM

As Supermodels Thin, Laws of Physics Bend to Breaking Point

NEW YORK CITY.   Growing concern over the ever-diminishing size of the world's top models has resulted in calls for reform, but scientists who have studied the phenomenon say such actions may be too little and too late.

"At some point one of the top models will collapse l

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CENTRALIA, Mo.  It's the second round of the National Junior College Men's Basketball Championship, and the players have more to worry about this year than hard fouls and missed free throws.

"24-second shot clock violation on that quadratic equation!"

"We've been told we need to teach ki

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  It arrived with a resounding "plop" on the White House front porch this afternoon, like a wet copy of the Sunday New York Times, but its echoes may be heard deep into the 2012 presidential campaign.  A Freedom of Information Act request received by the White House today

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INDIANAPOLIS.  Marty Trowbridge is Chief Operating Officer of WidgeTek, a manufacturer with locations throughout the midwest.  "Our business is crucial to customers who buy our stuff," he says, "whatever it may be."

Trowbridge:  "There's somebody dicking aro

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There once was a woman, a spendthrift sort,
with an eye and a nose for fashion.
She came thisclose to the poorhouse door
‘cause she bought on credit, not cash, mon.

“I can’t go on like this,” she said
to everyone who would hear her.
This included faraway folks by phone

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Jazz cares for its children; the "Young Lions" feature is a hardy perennial of those who write about the art, since new talents on the scene are, by their nature, news.  Jazz does all right by its aged as well; at the point when it's not clear that a musician will

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  It's getting close to tax time, and across the nation women are nursing two-month-old babies they delivered in January.

"You are the cutest widdle $3,200 deduction from ordinary income mommy's ever seen!"

Demographers have noticed that a disproportionate number of

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A.J. Liebling begins "The Sweet Science", his lively collection of boxing pieces, by recounting how, since he had been tapped on the chin by Philadelphia Jack O'Brien, he could trace his fistic lineage back to the dawn of boxing's modern age.  After all, O'Brien had been hit by Bob Fitzsimmons,

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SAN DORITO, California.  Like many college presidents, Norman van Dorn of San Dorito State College wouldn't mind the publicity that comes with a winning sports program.  "You look at what Doug Flutie did for Boston College," he says, referring to an upsurge in applications that school enjo

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DALLAS.  For Meghan Durso, the first indication that all was not right came in the middle of the night.  "I woke up with indigestion," the Dallas housewife says.  "It could have been the ostrich burrito I had on my 'girls night out,' but I thought I'd better check."


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LOUISVILLE, Kentucky.  The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) is expected to approve a draft report this weekend that will urge married couples to have sex at least once a year, a departure from centuries-old tradition. 

You don't want to know what doesn't go on inside ther

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MARCH 9, 2011 9:20AM

A Bra Stuffed Full of Cash

           Letters written by Albert Einstein to his family have shed light on the scientist's personal life, including a dozen extramarital affairs and a series of bad investments.


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MARCH 6, 2011 6:50PM

The Exterminator

Carla didn’t like to fight with her landlord, but the task had fallen to her because she was in law school and her roommates didn’t feel equipped to take on the contentious work that was required when Susan spotted an insect that was too big to be an ordinary cockroach, with… Read full post »