The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.


INDIANAPOLIS.  The NFL Scouting Combine for college football players ends today, but Tom Edesman, facilities director at Lucas Oil Stadium, says he will just be re-arranging things, not putting them away.  "Once the jocks are done the nerds come in," he says as he pushes a pallet of Post-I

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WASHINGTON.  With his regime tottering on the brink of collapse, Moammar Gadhafi was offered a lifeline today by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who told the long-time Libyan dictator he could crash at former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright's house if he relinquishes pow

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FEBRUARY 27, 2011 9:30PM

One of Us

Rachel was, without a doubt, the most popular girl on campus.  So many of the women were drones, and so many of the men were horny, that it left her with a fairly broad canvas on which to paint her personality.  She didn’t understand why everybody had to be so gloomyRead full post »

FEBRUARY 26, 2011 1:31PM

The Locker Room


       Ben liked it when he had his father all to himself, when his big brother Jeff had something else to do on Saturdays and they could be alone together.  He got to talk to his dad more then—Jeff did all the talking wheRead full post »

FEBRUARY 26, 2011 11:41AM

Kanye West, Gap Intern

          As training for a line of clothes he will design for them, rapper Kanye West is doing an unpaid internship with clothing company The Gap.  


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VATICAN CITY.  Pope Benedict XVI today announced that the Roman Catholic Church has become a participating partner with Open Salon, the web-based publishing platform with a built-in audience, and will allow church members to use the site's moribund "Tip" feature to reduce the len

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LAS VEGAS.  Prostitutes here reacted with outrage over Democratic Senator Harry Reid's proposal that Nevada join the other forty-nine states and make prostitution illegal, saying they are protected by a mutual non-aggression pact with Congressional whores. 

"I . . . I thought
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CHICAGO.  Following a landslide victory yesterday, Rahm Emanuel took his first step as mayor-elect of Chicago this morning by sending a dead fish to neighboring Skokie, Illinois, saying "This is a warning--don't mess with me, or you'll be wearing concrete sneakers at the bottom of the

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NEW YORK.  Fashion designer Ralph Lauren yesterday agreed to a settlement in a class action brought by consumers who claim they were embarrassed when they wore socks bearing his trademark polo pony insignia on the inner ankle, drawing criticism from self-appointed office fashion police.


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SPRINGFIELD, Missouri.  In this fast-growing city in Southwest Missouri, stock car racing ranks among the most popular televised sports, frequently beating major league baseball and college football in weekend Neilsen ratings.  "It goes back to the moonshiners in the Ozarks,

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SPRINGFIELD, Illinois.  By one informal count, there have been over 16,000 different books written about Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday has been downgraded to a half-share in Presidents Day. "There's 'Team of Rivals' by Doris Kearns Goodwin, which Obama is reading--that's very popula

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FEBRUARY 20, 2011 3:30PM

Living for You

She was as ironic as me, which I thought was great.  We’d get going, and it would be like one of those Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Thomas “Hit Man” Hearns fights.  If you were trying to judge it, you couldn’t even keep score.  I’d say something I didn’

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ROME.  Embattled Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi today struck back at opponents, saying his critics were "politically motivated, fat and ugly."

What about her?

Crowds of women chanted "Dimissioni!" as the controversial politician drove by to express their view that Berlusconi sh

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Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 17, 2011 4:53PM

Buoyed by Jeopardy Win, Watson Will Try "Bachelor"

CULVER CITY, Cal.  Fresh off his victory over two human champion on "Jeopardy," IBM computer "Watson" says he will try his hand at a TV show where less analytical skills are required: the ABC hit "The Bachelor."

"It isn't just his memory that's big, ladies."

"I am new overlord of

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LOS ANGELES.  It’s been five years since the National Basketball Association adopted its “business casual” dress code in an effort to combat the league’s “gangsta” image, personified by a 2004 brawl between the Detroit Pistons and the Indiana Pacers that… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 16, 2011 9:23PM

Last Rites

Ten years have passed since my father died,
  and six since my mother, four years later, 
  was laid down by his side,


  lowered into the ground as we three sat there--
  two crying, the other stoical, prepared by philosophy--
  in the funeral parlor’s f

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DOWNER'S GROVE, Il.  It's Saturday night in this suburb of Chicago, and Dan Gruenberg is regaling friends with a tale of an incident at his office that has them poised for the punch line.  "So the office manager comes in wearing an all-black outfit and sees Tina from accounting at

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BROOKLYN, New York. Carmen Scarpino, an innovative smart aleck who is credited with many of America's most treasured comebacks, one-liners and wise cracks, died of lung cancer at the Sons of Italy Convalescent Home here yesterday. He was 78.

Potential target of Scarpino's wit.

Scarpino ca

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Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 14, 2011 8:11AM

TV Execs: Jeopardy Computer is a Nerd, Too

CULVER CITY, Ca.  Sony TV executives sought to calm widespread fears on the eve of the matchup between "Watson," an IBM computer, and two human contestants on tonight's historic Jeopardy episode, saying humans have nothing to fear from a victory by machine over man. 

" . . . and in

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The Holy Trinity of bebop in the popular theology of jazz consists of Charlie Parker on alto sax, Dizzy Gillespie on trumpet and Thelonious Monk on piano, but jazz is a pagan art form and so admits of polytheism.  Earl Rudolph "Bud" Powell is an alternate deity on the piano,

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CAIRO.  While jubilant crowds filled the streets here following the resignation of President Hosni Mubarak after thirty years of iron-fisted rule, the former air force commander began the mundane steps required to turn over power.

"Thirty years of heavy-handed rule, I should at leas

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I'm please to announced that my full-length play The Hat Trick will soon be appearing at a theatre near you.  If you live in western Vermont or the Greater Boston Standard Metropolitan Statistical Area.

The Hat Trick:  Sorta like this.

For a small-time playwright such as myself, one

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FEBRUARY 10, 2011 8:24PM

Valentine for a Homely Couple

Carl’s wife sits shotgun in his truck
Her doughy face baked whitish red
He gets out and climbs the semi–
Smiling, he asks “How’s it going?”
We just grunt and nod our heads
at the auger hole, and how it’s stuck.

“Better you than me, boys,” he sa

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FEBRUARY 10, 2011 1:33PM

Shrink Mag Relents, Will Add Nude Pix

NEW YORK.  The Journal of Psychoanalytical Studies, the leading academic publication dedicated to the thought of Sigmund Freud and his intellectual descendants, says it will give in to economic pressures next month and add nude pictures of leading female practitioners and patients to the magazi

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BOCA RATON, Florida.  The flames of democracy that have brought the downfall of dictators in Egypt and Tunis swept across America yesterday as Sy Sperling, President of the Hair Club for Men, promised to resign amid growing protests.

Sy Sperling, President-for-Life of Hair

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