The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.


DECEMBER 22, 2010 7:40AM

Your Body's a Family-Oriented Theme Park

(after Disney Parks® Acquires the Rights to a Certain Grammy Award-Winning Song)


We got the afternoon--

  we got a room for four.

One thing I've left to do--

  recover me

from standing in the Space Mountain line from ten to three.



One hour for

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DECEMBER 21, 2010 1:48PM

Sharpton: ATMs Give Whites More Money

NEW YORK.  At 56 years old, civil rights personality Al Sharpton might be expected to slow down a bit from the frenetic pace he has kept over the years, finding racism in every nook and cranny of American society.  "I was having a Thomas' English Muffin in the student union

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HOLMESFORD, Va.  Eric Forschberg is laying in the snacks and beer at his comfortable ranch home in this town of 14,000 because he is celebrating a double anniversary of sorts tonight.  "I was twelve when I became a football fan in 1972," says the 50-year-old telemarketer, "the same ye

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DECEMBER 20, 2010 9:43PM

To the Ribald Friends of My Youth

Now that they’re nearly gone from my mind
I recall my friends from another time
Whose insights into the nature of eros
Made them--to my boyish ken--heroes.


First was a boy named Burlingame,
Wild of surmise with a wavy orange mane,
Who swore that he would never bed
His feminine counterp

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NEOSHO, Mo.  This city in southwest Missouri sits smack dab in the middle of "Tornado Alley", a well-worn path taken by twisters as they rotate out of Oklahoma into the Kansas City area.  "I thought tornadoes were a fairy tale, like the Wizard of Oz," says Southwest Missouri Teacher's Coll

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Be My Christmas Bitch, Baby, by Chris Brown (Audio CD - 2010)

Buy new: $24.98 $10.99 15 Used from $7.97 Usually ships in 9 to 14 days Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping. 3.6 out of 5 stars (20)

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Chris Brown follows up on his 2007 holiday smash "This Christmas" with a collection of Yu… Read full post »

HOLLYWOOD.  Barbra Streisand, who already has two best-selling Christmas albums on her resume, says she is surprised by the warm reception her latest holiday release--"A Traditional Jewish Christmas"--is getting from fans both old and new.

Streisand's "Christmas Memories"


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WASHINGTON, D.C.  Time Magazine today named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg its "Person of the Year," touching off a tirade by rapper Kanye West that crashed the popular social media website.

Zuckerberg:  "Maybe you could make him a co-winner or something."

“We chose Mr. Zuck

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DECEMBER 16, 2010 8:32AM

Zydrunas' Complaint: Where's My Parade?

MIAMI.  The Miami Heat are on a roll, having won ten straight games after last night's 101-95 victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers.  "The Dream Team is finally hitting on all cylinders," says season ticket holder Mike Doltzmeier of Hollywood, Florida, referring to the self-select

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DECEMBER 15, 2010 8:56AM

A Public Option for Cats?

We had finished dinner and I was hoping to relax and watch some TV when my wife stopped me on the way to the couch.

"We need to talk," she said in a somber tone--never a good sign when you hear that.

"About what?"

"Expenses--I can't believe the bills

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DECEMBER 14, 2010 8:46PM

The Water Tower

The water tower stood at the edge of town
   and from its height few had looked down
   except that every other year or so, a high school senior
   would go and climb the thing, and paint something
   vapid, jejune, as the spinster English teacher would say.

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MINNEAPOLISSTPAUL, Minn.  A blast of unseasonably cold air from Canada whipped through Minnesota last night, causing a "force five" static cling warp that fused Minneapolis and St. Paul, two formerly separate cities on opposite banks of the Mississippi River.

What God hath joined together
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Looking to put some magic back in your marriage this Christmas?  Want to give your better half a gift she'll never forget? 

$3.90, plus tax.

All it takes is a trip to Home Depot, where you were going this weekend anyway, right?  Why spend $200, $300 or more on a

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DOWNERS GROVE, Illinois.  Following the example set by Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Todd Kornish, a frequent user of the highly-popular web-based social media site, today agreed to give away half his fortune exclusive of household pets to charity.


"I wouldn't feel right

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DECEMBER 10, 2010 9:04AM

I Dream in Black and White


While others dream in color

   I dream in black and white,

   of Luci and Desi, Fred and Ethel,

   Sugar Ray and Rocky on the Friday night fights.



The Twilight Zone, The Fugitive,

   did I mention Tennessee Tuxedo?

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NATICK, Mass.  This suburb of Boston is the shopping capital of the "Metrowest" area, with numerous upscale malls.  "We have the Shoppes at Natick Crossing, the Towne Centre Mall, and the newest, Plaza Weste," says property manager Tori Max.  Why, this reporter asks, so many unusual s

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CHICAGO.  Addressing rumors that have swirled around her for years, a tearful Oprah Winfrey told Barbara Walters that she doesn't read every book selected by her own book club.

"That's okay, dear.  I think Jonathan Franzen's a dink too."

"I'm just like every other woman," Winfrey sa

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KEOKUK, Iowa.  A new longititudinal study by a cross-disciplinary team of pediatricians and pathologists indicates that children who are exposed to zerberts in infancy and hickeys during adolescence are more likely to become vampires upon reaching sexual maturity.

Child-on-child tum

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LONDON. In a historic first, neo-conservatives and singers from the neo-soul movement met this morning over scrambled eggs, bangers and cocaine to seek ways the two groups could work together in an attempt to forge a political coalition and open new markets for songs by Amy Winehouse, Joss Stone… Read full post »

DECEMBER 5, 2010 9:19PM

On the Provincetown Ferry

We board, and are underway
  from the northward facing quay.
From the Seaport of Boston,
  where all is macadam
  and speculators’ parking lots
  to Provincetown, where the sand drifts like snow,
  and even a Pilgrim aboard the Mayflower would know
  it was no place… Read full post »

HIBBING, Minnesota.  There's a buzz going around this town of 17,000 in northeastern Minnesota as rumors spread that its most famous musician has decided to spend his retirement here, sparked by an article in Friday's Wall Street Journal depicting a grey-haired man and woman in a parody of

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  White House sources say the Obama administration is close to a deal that would grant a Christmas Eve pardon to Pee-wee Herman in exchange for Herman’s 8-foot high aluminum foil ball, which would become part of the permanent collection of the Smithsonian Institu

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Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 3, 2010 9:36AM

Blue Ribbon Panel Recommends Moving National Decimal Point

WASHINGTON, D.C.   The bi-partisan National Debt Commission will vote today on its recommendations for cutting the nation's indebtedness, including an increase in the retirement age, the declaration of a "Black Friday" in every month, and moving the National Decimal Point, which deter

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          The Federal Reserve will run advertisements in movie theaters urging consumers to use credit cards wisely during the holiday shopping season. 


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NEEDHAM, Mass.  Curtis Bascomb, Jr. is a third-generation family business owner, so he has more than just his time and money invested in his workplace.  "Grandad founded this place on a promise," he says with a trace of a lump in his throat.  "He believed no poet should ever

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