The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.


BOSTON.  The Boston Marathon is the world's oldest annual marathon, and one that attracts runners from around the world every Patriot's Day, a holiday on the third Monday in April that serves as an excuse for local bureaucrats to take the day off.  "Running Boston is my dream," says N

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APRIL 17, 2011 2:03PM

Among the Drunken Lab Mice

          A proposal to study drunken mice received $8,400 in federal stimulus funding. 


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WASHINGTON, D.C.  Combining two of his passions--beach volleyball and politics--potential Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich sought to burnish his foreign policy credentials today with the announcement of a professional league in Iraq for the fast-growing sport.


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CHICAGO.  Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel, known for a hot temper that sometimes erupts in nude locker room outbursts, said today he will consider selling O'Hare International Airport to pay for anger management therapy.

"Are you talkin' to me?"

"I'm just like anybody else, I guess," said

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WASHINGTON, D.C. The U.S. federal income tax system depends on voluntary compliance by hundreds of millions of citizens, a fact that isn't lost on Lois Lerner, director of the IRS's exempt-organizations office.

"Don't use your credit card.  Put it on your home equity line--it's deductibl

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  Confronted with video evidence that he nodded off during the President's speech last night, Vice President Biden defended himself saying that most Americans find it hard to remain awake when the subject turns to the federal budget.


"My j

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WASHINGTON.  The Obama administration scrambled to put its spin on numbers out today that reveal a sharp jump in new filings of unemployment claims, saying the increase was due to "normal seasonal firings of professional hockey coaches."

"Frankly, with the kind of year the Wild had,

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Editor’s Pick
APRIL 12, 2011 7:52AM

IRS Gets New Blood With Teen Tax Talent Search

KANSAS CITY, Mo.  This Midwestern city lies close to both the population and geographic centers of the United States, and at this time of the year it is ground zero for another subject that is close to the heart of America--taxes.

Kansas City, Mo., regional IRS Center

"We're li

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Editor’s Pick
APRIL 8, 2011 9:32AM

Shrinx: Beantown May Be Jonestown if Sox Don't Win Soon

BOSTON.  Public mental health officials say this town, which has an obsessive relationship with its major league baseball franchise, could be headed for a tragedy with a scope not seen since the mass suicide by cult followers of messianic evangelist Jim Jones if the Red Sox don't win

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HOLLYWOOD.  Anxious California residents breathed a sigh of relief yesterday after seismologists at Stanford University confirmed a tremor that registered 3.6 on the Richter scale Tuesday night was tied to overweight actress Kirstie Alley's fall on "Dancing With the Stars."

Look out

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APRIL 7, 2011 10:21PM

I'm So Glad

The boy had decided he needed to sell his music equipment—the p.a. system, his amp, his compact organ.  His band had broken up and wasn’t going to get back together.  He was leaving town at the end of the summer, to where exactly he didn’t know yet.

He put an

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AUGUSTA, Georgia.  The hallowed Augusta National golf course is a flurry of activity as play began in the 75th Masters Tournament today.  “I got a good lie on the 18th,” said reigning champ Phil Mickelson of his opening round.  “Then I went in the clubhouse and

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BOCA RATON, Florida.  Buoyed by poll results showing he is the favorite presidential candidate among Tea Party voters, real estate mogul Donald Trump made his case to members of the grass-roots group here yesterday, saying his political platform would be the same as his pricey real estate semin

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  In a move perceived as damage control, the Republican Party today appointed a panel of three babelicious beauties to investigate allegations of serial affairs by Newt Gingrich as the former Speaker of the House inched closer to announcing he is a candidate for President i

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CHICAGO.  Rahm Emanuel met today with Chicago White Sox officials to discuss a revival of "Whack-a-Royal Night," a move designed to enhance the formerly second, now third city's brand by linking it to the Mayor-elect's notoriously explosive temper.

"Welcome to Chicago you rube!"


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APRIL 3, 2011 12:41PM

Blues For Ms. So-and-So

She has no use for stylish despair
(you watch from behind, she touches her hair).
She thinks of leaving but decides to stay--
You try and think of something to say.


When, like Mr. Johnson, there’s ramblin' on your mind
She’s what you need—exactly the kind
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APRIL 2, 2011 5:01PM

A Physical Education

And so at last, it came to pass,

  my son was knocked upon his ass.

The world looked at his youthful pride,

  laughed a bit, cast it aside.

He was quick, and he was fast,

  ‘til he checked a kid from Quincy, Mass.




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CAIRO, Illinois.  Neighbors of the Masonic Hall here were awakened during the night by a noise that Ed Fregley, a retired pipefitter, called "the sounds of freedom."  "Finally, after all these years of oppression, we are equals--not slaves," he said as he fired off a pellet gun t

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Editor’s Pick
APRIL 1, 2011 8:20AM

Beer Pong With the Nobel Prize Winners

          Alcohol and American writers have always had a connection–about 70 percent of American winners of the Nobel Prize for Literature could be considered heavy drinkers if not more.


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MARCH 30, 2011 8:38PM

Yao Ming: Brad Miller Has No Liver

NEWARK, New Jersey.  The Houston Rockets kept their slim playoff hopes alive last night with a blowout win over the New Jersey Nets, but afterwards center Yao Ming had some sharp words for teammate Brad Miller, who scored only two points.

Ming–or is it Yao?

Ming challenged Mill… Read full post »

HOLLYWOOD.  Crystal Goblette is the top grossing act for Arcadia Records here, and Lionel Flavin, her manager, thinks she has a shot at becoming a multi-talented crossover star comparable to Barbra Streisand or Kris Kristoffersen, producing revenues from music and films.  Th

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Editor’s Pick
MARCH 29, 2011 9:28AM

As Supermodels Thin, Laws of Physics Bend to Breaking Point

NEW YORK CITY.   Growing concern over the ever-diminishing size of the world's top models has resulted in calls for reform, but scientists who have studied the phenomenon say such actions may be too little and too late.

"At some point one of the top models will collapse l

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CENTRALIA, Mo.  It's the second round of the National Junior College Men's Basketball Championship, and the players have more to worry about this year than hard fouls and missed free throws.

"24-second shot clock violation on that quadratic equation!"

"We've been told we need to teach ki

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WASHINGTON, D.C.  It arrived with a resounding "plop" on the White House front porch this afternoon, like a wet copy of the Sunday New York Times, but its echoes may be heard deep into the 2012 presidential campaign.  A Freedom of Information Act request received by the White House today

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INDIANAPOLIS.  Marty Trowbridge is Chief Operating Officer of WidgeTek, a manufacturer with locations throughout the midwest.  "Our business is crucial to customers who buy our stuff," he says, "whatever it may be."

Trowbridge:  "There's somebody dicking aro

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