The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.

FEBRUARY 14, 2015 10:24AM

Concerns Rise as Crusade-O-Phobia Spreads

WORCESTER, Mass. In this, the second-largest city in New England, the Crusades aren’t something children learn from history books, they are a part of the warp, woof, and weft of everyday life. “The Crusades were cool!” says ten-year-old Timothy Cullinane as he scurries through the… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 14, 2015 4:19AM

Several Ways of Choosing a Wife

Here’s a helpful suggestion for choosing a wife:
Don’t pick from the bin that says “Tragic view of life.”
Sure, she’ll share your love of Friedrich Nietzsche,
But I find that kind to be overly prietzsche.

While you wile away hours talking Schopenhauer
You could be ou… Read full post »

HOST:  Good evening once again everybody and welcome to Sympathy for the Horn-Dog, the show that brings you the truth the lame-stream media won’t tell you about world-class horn-dogs such as Hugh Hefner, Ted Kennedy and Chris Dodd.  Tonight our guest is Dominique Gaston Andre Str… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 12, 2015 8:12AM

Valentine for a Homely Couple

Carl’s wife sits shotgun in his truck
Her doughy face baked whitish red.
He gets out and climbs the semi–
Smiling, he asks “How’s it going?”
We just grunt and nod our heads
at the auger hole, and how it’s stuck.

“Better you than me, boys,” he says.
&l… Read full post »

Surveys show that men will give women more than 36 million boxes of chocolate and 189 million roses on Valentine’s Day, making lemmings look like hip, Bohemian non-conformists.

Image result for lemmings cliff
Remarkably similar-looking non-conformists.

How do you make your gift stand out over all the other presents Su… Read full post »

WESTLAND, Mass. It’s 7:15 a.m., the time when Marci Evers would ordinarily be pouring herself a second cup of coffee and sharing a laugh with some of her favorite personalities on NBC’s “Today Show,” but this morning she’s having trouble hearing over an unaccustomed din… Read full post »

BOSTON. Todd Fleming is a commuter who actually enjoys his twice-daily train rides, even when inclement weather has others fuming. “It’s the one time of the day I get a chance to read,” says the father of two young boys who is an options trader by day. “If… Read full post »

HOLLYWOOD, Florida.  Ewell Norton has been a Latin teacher at Hollywood North High School here for over twenty years, but he’s never had to turn students away from his classes–until now.

“all-cay on ee-may!”

“Parents are finding out that just one or two… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 8, 2015 8:46PM

How to Have a Date by Valentine's Day

It’s coming: Valentine’s Day, after New Year’s Eve, the second most dreaded day on the calendar for singles, grade school Romeos, and philanderers. Thankfully, Cosmopolitan magazine regularly publishes tips on how to have a boyfriend by the time significant holidays roll around, and… Read full post »

The agency that oversees federal programs relating to mental illness recommended drinking fruit smoothies and line dancing.Read full post »

FEBRUARY 7, 2015 11:56AM

Masters of the Jazz Kazoo

FEBRUARY 6, 2015 10:10PM

Five Unemployment Myths--Exploded!

It was the mid-70’s, and I was working the night shift at a little typesetting shop in central Massachusetts. One afternoon the boss called me into his office shortly after I arrived–he never did that, so I knew whatever he had to say to me would be a big deal.

Holden,Read full post »

SEEKONK, Mass.  When the time came for Cindy Nowacki to decide whether to challenge powerful institutional forces, the choice wasn’t an easy one.  “I looked around my house and thought–I could lose everything I’ve worked so hard for, as well as a lot of cra… Read full post »

Mathematics genius Grigori Yakovlevich Perelman has refused over a million dollars in prizes for his work and has moved back home to live with his mother and sister. 

                     &nbsRead full post »

FEBRUARY 5, 2015 9:04PM

Comparative Literature

"Do you remember the time I asked you if you wanted to go for a dip?” Roberta’s father asked as they pulled into the country club parking lot.

“Yes, Daddy,” Roberta replied with annoyance. Her father had recounted the story many times over the years, sometimes in front of dinn… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 5, 2015 3:04PM

Boston, City of Champions: How We Do It

Four major sports.  Fifteen years.  Nine championships.  Face it; after the Patriots won the Super Bowl last Sunday, Boston is Title Town USA.  It’s never been done before, not even in New York, where they have two of every pro sports team to our one.

How d… Read full post »

CHICAGO.  As a security guard tightens the lock around the chain-link gates of Snyder’s Novelties here on the city’s South Side, a grown man standing nearby begins to weep.  “It was the best job I ever had,” says Willie Newbill, who moved to the Windy… Read full post »

Whenever life seems to be crashing down around me, with looming deadlines and teenage sons on my doorstep saying “Your car crashed into a tree—here are the keys,” I don’t turn to religion, drink or drugs. Instead, I consult my lists of “Habits of Highly-Organized People… Read full post »

SEEKONK, Mass. For Frank Marino, the last straw came after a long day at a youth hockey tournament two years ago.  “I took the kids to a Friendly’s and they was kinda cuttin’ up,” he says, his forehead furrowed from the memory.  “The wife is bitchin’ at m… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 3, 2015 4:51PM

The Dancers of Degas

Edgar Degas is known for his paintings of dancers, the best of which depict the female form doing everything but dancing; stretching, relaxing, tying on toe shoes, primping, aching from the rigors of the ballet. It is as if he were more interested in the idle moments of women who… Read full post »

NEW YORK.  When rookie defensive back Malcolm Butler intercepted a last-second pass Sunday night to clinch a Super Bowl victory for the New England Patriots, a cheer went up from an unlikely crowd; fifteen scrawny, high-cheekboned women at the Susan/Jacobs Modeling Agency here.

“… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 2, 2015 8:45PM

America's Hottest High School Teachers

Ho hum. Another day, another female high school teacher having sex with one of her male students. It’s a story that’s become all too familiar, like “Fireman Saves Kitten Up Tree,” “Lottery Winner Now Destitute” and “Woman Stuck to Toilet Seat Freed.&rd… Read full post »

BOSTON.  To Del Stebbins, former Assistant Director of Officiating for the National Football League, the first tip-off that something was wrong yesterday came at around 7 p.m. when he “answered nature’s call” at McGreevey’s, a sports bar visible from the Massach… Read full post »

Mention the words “beauty contest” to an ancient Greek and his first thought would probably be of cows.

Peter Thonemann, review of “Beauty” by David Konstan, Wall Street Journal

“You are so beautiful–to me.”

I’m standing backstage at the Miss Anci… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 1, 2015 11:03AM

Long Story Short

I write to make cruel but justified sport
of people who use the phrase “long story short.”
You can bet–if you happen to think that I’m wrong–
when those words are heard a tale’s gone on too long.

To say them, of course, only makes the thing longer
which makes m… Read full post »