The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.


WORCESTER, Mass.  This gritty city in central Massachusetts is the second-largest in New England, a fact that comes as a surprise to many both outside its boundaries and in.  “You coulda knocked me over with a feather when I heard dat,” says Butch Wyznorski, who lives in the tou… Read full post »

It’s family vacation time, and against their noble savage instincts, we’ve decided to inflict some high culture on the boys by taking them to the National Museum of Dance in Saratoga Springs.

“Do we have to?” Scooter, the older and more forthright of the two at twelve asked&nd… Read full post »

Picnics on Staten Island Blamed for Ruin of Young Girls… Read full post »
JULY 17, 2014 9:09AM

Lizard Boy

The carnival was in town for the State Fair, and the boy Brad had gone out to the fairgrounds trying to find his first job, at the age of 12.

Every place he’d asked he’d been turned down; he didn’t understand, he’d see other boys and girls about his age wiping… Read full post »

JULY 17, 2014 8:21AM

Youth is Not Wasted on the Young

There once was a man of an uncertain age
Who felt his life slipping, that he’d turned a page,
So he dumped the Mrs. and gave her some dough,
And set off to find self, where’er it might gough.
He tried Grecian formula to blacken his locks,
Wore slim-fitting sweaters, bought… Read full post »

BOSTON. It is, to all appearances, an unlikely port of entry to an ancient culture: an unassuming sandwich shop with just a few tables for patrons who want to eat in since it depends heavily on bulk lunch deliveries to nearby offices. “Frankly, I was surprised,” says Dr. Philip… Read full post »

REGGIO EMILIA, Italy.  This industrial town in the north of Italy is getting a sprucing up in anticipation of a visit by Pope Francis I to celebrate the canonization of St. Luciana, a young girl who will be named the patron saint of bathroom breaks.

Luciana: “No, I don’t
Read full post »

There once was a man, whom to each woman fetching
Would extend an invite to come look at his etchings.
Once they were safely ensconced in his apartment
He’d make timid moves in the seduction department.
He’d look at them longingly, then sing off-key,
“There’s Danger in Your Eyes, C… Read full post »

JULY 15, 2014 8:05AM

Ask the Aesthetician!

After climbing to the top of the corporate ladder many women find themselves unfulfilled, silently asking themselves “Is this all there is? A seven-figure salary as a top international financial advisor helping billionaires shelter their wealth from greedy governments in Caribbean tax… Read full post »

Men wore clothes that were as colorful as the ladies’ garb.  One male fashion  plate in New York ordered a suit of “superfine scarlet plush and a vest of light  blue splash.”

               &nbsRead full post »

EAST BOSTON, Mass. Sol “Nosey” Niman has been playing the horses at this second-tier track in a working-class neighborhood of Boston for over half a century, and he says he’s never seen the place in worse shape. “All the old guys are buying the farm,” he says, shaking hi… Read full post »

The year was 1962. The place–a small town in Missouri so insignificant it billed itself as The Gateway to the Ozarks. Not the Ozark Mountains themselves, you understand, but if you wanted to get to them you had to go through us. Unless you were coming from the south, the east… Read full post »

It’s hot, I know,
and there are places you’d rather be;
the beach for one, same with me,
and with you I would go.

But we are stuck here, my dear;
me in the front and you in the back row
while before us drones the regional manager,
about moving product.

I see you check your… Read full post »

JULY 11, 2014 10:11AM

Don't Call Me Bambi

A deer crashed into a liquor store in Weymouth, Mass., breaking a $205 limited edition bottle of beer, cocktail glasses and high-end liquors, causing damage estimated at $3,000 before sprinting out the front door.

               TheRead full post »

WALTHAM, Mass. This suburb of Boston is regularly included by mistake in lists of America’s wealthiest towns because it is the business address of many tech millionaires, but Norbert Winslow hopes to put it on the map for a different reason.

Touchy-feely “entrepreneurial” exRead full post »

One afternoon, while heading home
Upon a hot commuter train,
I fell asleep, and dreamed this poem,
As summer’s light began to wane.

I saw a scene of baseball’s past
When stadiums were built to last
With brick-and-ivy outfield walls
Bombarded hard by sluggers’ balls.

And every man,… Read full post »

Wednesdays are when I usually take a day off from cardio and work with weights.  You need to vary your routine if you want to get the most out of your workouts.  I know, I read it on the internet, so it must be true.

After I showered and dressed, I… Read full post »

The Boston Red Sox have three psychologists on their staff.

Read full post »

Thanks to a recent devaluation in the flemux, the national currency of Freedonia, there has never been a better time to visit the country known as “The Gateway to Several Other Countries.”  But most of us have been left ignorant of the native tongue of Freedonia becaus… Read full post »

He can blow up a mess,” that’s what they said
about Chu Berry, who was christened Leon.
How he got his name is perhaps an embarrassment,
then and now. Called to audition in Columbus,
Ohio, he was in the middle of a fraternity initiation and
when he arrived from Charleston, West Virginia,
he sti… Read full post »

SOMERVILLE, Mass.  When this suburb of Boston decided to become a “sister city” with Pamplona, Spain a decade ago, few realized what it would mean for the many cat-owners who live here.

El gato de Somervilla


“We have cats the way some cities have cockroaches,&rdq… Read full post »

JULY 7, 2014 8:24AM

How to Shampoo in French

Forget Jacques Derrida, and Jerry Lewis.  It’s time to turn our attention to the principal remaining obstacle to Franco-American understanding:  French shampoo labels.

You know what I’m talking about.  You’re in the shower at a beach house, someone is knocking… Read full post »

JULY 6, 2014 11:09AM

The Pine-Woods Golf & Poetry Club

For most of the 20th century, the poetry world resembled a country club.

The New York Times Book Review

It was a Sunday afternoon, and I just wanted to get out of the damn house. I decided to head over to the club, see if I could squeeze in a round… Read full post »

JULY 5, 2014 1:14PM

Crazy Like a Cat

Pets have mental health problems too.

Headline, The Boston Globe

It’s Saturday, so I’m taking a nap when a ten pound weight covered with cat fur lands on my chest.

“Hey.” It’s Rocco, cat-of-few-words.

“We need to talk.”

“I wish you… Read full post »

JULY 5, 2014 9:42AM

That's Why the Lady is a Slut

She’s never too bloated to eat a Slim Jim.
She never showers before taking a swim.
She belches loudly at the Pizza Hut–
That’s why the lady is a slut.

She’s not the type to play bridge at her club.
Doesn’t like salads, preferring a sub.
If she were a dog you’d c… Read full post »