Los Angeles, CA: Shots were fired in an apparent “Writers” vs Writers war on Open Salon Monday. The first casualty was Los Angeles resident Joe Shit the Rag Man. The debate, apparently started by Ken Honeywell, rages over “who is a real writer and who is not” on Open Salon. Comments ranging from humorous to bitter rang out all day on Honeywell’s blog entry ”What We Write About When We Write About Writing”.
Honeywell started the melee by waving his 1099 tax statement around yelling “SEE! SEE! Right here: it says Writer. No asterisks! Got it!” Honeywell struck Cranky Cuss in the face with the 1099, stunning him for a few moments. Cuss was right back at his keyboard posting The Longest Comment Of All. More shots were fired on Monday night as Caitlin Kelly posted “Ten Things "Real" Writers Do”.
“ I appreciated Ms. Kelly’s writing tips, but did she have to add the quote marks to the word writer?” said the Ragman, who lives behind the blue dumpster at 3rd and Spring Street. “I read her blog all the time, she’s in my faves for crying out loud! Why does she need to tell me she’s a professional?”
the Ragman who is “just a blogger, not a writer,” was being treated by paramedics for a sucking chest wound from Honeywell’s first shots when Kelly’s volley hit him in the groin, shoving his testicles into his abdomen. “I’ve been injured worse than this. Safe_Bets Amy once deleted a comment of mine. Now that took some healing time and a lot of therapy! I’ll be back up and posting on OS in no time. You just hide and watch.” Joe Shit the Ragman posts on OS from a stolen iPhone.
“If she had just left it with the writing tips these guys wouldn’t have to be digging around pulling my balls out. It was the comments. The comments dammit!” he said while wincing in pain. “I didn’t think she needed to take that pot shot at Cindy Ross, either.”
the Ragman appeared confused and let down as he slipped into a drug induced coma. “It’s just a meeting place to bounce ideas off each other,” finishing his sentence with his favorite phrase, “for crying out loud!” People get so wound up about these stupid fucking titles. Christ! I mean jeez! Can’t pros mingle with amateurs without everybody getting so butt hurt? And what's wrong with “. . . hand-wringing, hank-clutching "OMG, My feelings!!!!!!" stuff that (over) populates this site,” What the hell was that “And So It Was Cancer” epic that Ken Honeywell wrote, if not hand wringing? For crying out loud. I read nearly all of it, and will buy the hardback first edition if I find a wallet in the alley where I live.
Do we really need to piss in a circle like fucking dogs? Everybody acts like this shit’s for real or something.”
http://open.salon.com/blog/ken_honeywell/2010/09/27/what_we_talk_about_when_we_talk_about_writing
http://open.salon.com/blog/caitlin_kelly/2010/09/27/ten_things_real_writers_do
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Comments
That's some hardcore shit there. Was Keyser Soze involved?
Then I read this. It made me laugh out loud. There is something fundamentally wrong with me; I might be a sadist, or a masochist, depending on the perspective.
Only on Thursdays and Saturdays, the rest of the time, we just hold our breath till we turn blue!! ;D
I still contend I write shit as do 99.9 percent of the world. :D
So sorry about your balls, though.
And, let's get something very clear because It's Very Important. I open my garage door by hand.
I am laughing at "there are no erasers in foxholes" and will gladly pay Nanetahay tomorrow if he loans me a cup of invective today.
Rated, of course.
Delicious is a wonderful complement. Thanks very much.
I have read much of your work over the last couple of weeks. You are truly gifted. And a good sport too.
Great post. A little more realistic than is entirely comfortable, but darned good reporting!!!!
Doc Spudman: A first for me. Thank you!
Xenonlit: I agree. "There are no erasers in foxholes" was the best line of all on my blog and I didn't get to write it. Kudos to Duane Gundrum!!!
Harlee: They'll be back I just know it!
Kitd: Good advice! Thank you!
Sheesh! For me its easy.
If you write it and I like it - you're a writer. To me.
Do I care if you're also a writer to someone else?
Nope - never was monogamous writer-wise.
skypixie: I don't think it will ever be settled, but that's OK. Something to do when there's nothing to do.
Buffy
Does this mean that if I buy a fountain pen I get to be a writer, too?
Wait, I can't afford one of those on what I got for my last writing...
And James Kastenholz's comment? Oh, gosh I'm howling...wait, that did not sound right...
Glad you came sniffing around.
DAMMIT! I though it was agreed that we wouldn't talk about that until our book hits the stand!
Rated and "favorited".
Signed
A pirate wimmin
And the point is...?
Oh, wait. Let me change that to "And Your point is...?" I don't want Caitlin to accuse me of plagiarizing her title.
Now I have the urge to repeat the word "shocked" over and over. Thanks a lot. I'm going to go play with my quotation marks somewhere. Meanie.
hee hee hee hee
OS does have some amazing keyboard artists!!! ... lew
I should add that I'm grateful profession writers post articles here. There's much that this non-writer learns from them.
Xenonlit: Me too, I like them in tights.
1 irritated mother: I don't think you'd want to mount a casualty. But Amy is right underneath you, as you mentioned. Not that I'm speaking for Amy.
Amy: I didn't know the book deal was a secret. YA GOTTA TELL ME! You know how I am.
Cranky: I'm sure she's laughing WITH you.
Sweetfeet: Thank you! Uh. . .what is it?(blushes while trolling for a compliment)
Odetteroulette: Go ahead and play with the quotation marks, but be careful not to place then in, on or around the word WRITER.
Abrawang: I'm grateful they post here at OS too. A lot can be learned from a seasoned veteran. I had a pm conversation with Caitlin Kelly. While I don't agree with some of her views, I certainly understand her frustration. She is very talented. And FWIW: She and Ken Honeywell took my jabs at them with the intended sense of humor. Both are true Wordsmiths and a class act.
Oryoki: Our fearless editors should give that some thought.
Odetteroulette: Yes! Another skirmish will generate another post for me!
Mime: Thanks for the compliment. I keep you posted on my mental health so you'll stick around.
Joan H: Thank you so much! Very kind.
Brassawe: Thanks. Just tried to put a funny spin on something that was becoming absurd. (Or did I make it absurd?)
Thanks to you all for stopping by, and don't forget to facelift bar whenever you can!