"Morning boss, looks like another big day today. We've got a huge contingent of Muslim Martyrs coming in."

"Oh for crying out loud! I don't know where in the HELL we are supposed to keep coming up with all of these virgins! I've about had it with these clowns. I… Read full post »

This morning I went out in the pre dawn darkness to grab my copy of the Washington Post off the front lawn and had no idea what awaited me when I opened it at the breakfast table. There splashed on the front page in stark, black bold print was the… Read full post »

Earlier this year I wrote about living in the DC metro area while the DC Sniper was on the loose. The feeling of dread many of us lived with for those weeks until those two maniacs, John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo were captured. Now there is going to be… Read full post »

In 1968 my old man retired from his corporate law job in Manhattan and took a part time job with his old law partner in DC. My parents ripped me out of my Long Island home, the only existance I'd ever known and threw me into a redneck hellhole known as… Read full post »

My (soon to be ex) wife and I have been going to a couples therapist. I went because I wanted to save our marriage at any cost. She had no such intentions, right from the start she only wanted to facilitate the break up and make things easier on the… Read full post »

I recently posted about my wife's decision to end our twenty year relationship to return to her ex boyfriend. Her betrayal completely blind sided me, broke my heart and has left me a wreck. Worse than that, our children who had a safe, secure life a couple of months ago… Read full post »

After twenty years together my wife has decided that we don't really have a whole lot in common. What's more, there's an "emotional disconnect". I am not there. We've raised three children together, had our share of happiness as far as I can tell and now she decides that I… Read full post »

     The old girl would have been ninety-five today. She was born in Brooklyn on August 12, 1914 to immigrant parents in the shadow of Coney Island where her father rode his horse as part of his beat as a New York mounted cop. She was a walking contradiction, a lifelong yello… Read full post »

I believe that it was during this past election that desperate republicans started trotting out the the ridiculous line, "If John F Kennedy were alive today he'd be a republican!" It shows how low the GOP has sunk that they are grasping at straws such as trying to hijack… Read full post »

I just finished reading a study released by the Pew Research Institute that concluded that the happiest people are old, white, male republicans. Well big surprise Pew! These are the people that can fuck anyone or anything literally or figuratively and then stand at a microphone with his plas… Read full post »

Sometimes there's a man. Now I never been to London and I never been to France and I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies but Dios mios man, you don't fuck with the Jesus.

He's watchin', all y'all  Read full post »

Anyone who's read anything I've written on OS knows how much I love baseball. It is one of my life's true passions and I follow it from the lowest level to the highest. I've had a child in little league at one level or another for twenty years now and… Read full post »

Years ago I had a friend who I hung out with and he had this beautiful framed photograph of his sister hanging in his living room. It wasn't your typical family picture. For one thing his sister was a person of complete mystery, she was off at college and none of… Read full post »

It is still April for crying out loud and it has been in the nineties for the last four days! It was ninety seven fucking degrees on Sunday afternoon in my neighborhood. The trees aren't even leafed out yet. My winter coat is still hanging on the coat rack and… Read full post »

Mother's Day is fast approaching and for all of the fathers out there, you may be wondering what is an appropriate gift to give the mother of our children? As most of us know, Mother's Day is a holiday that was dreamed up by the card and candy companies… Read full post »

For more than thirty five years I have started my day with the newspaper, usually the Washington Post. It's probably even longer than that but I can say with certainty that since the days of Watergate I have had a regular delivery of the paper to my door. When… Read full post »

I don't know about the rest of the country but Washington, DC is cupcake crazy. Tiny, trendy bakeries that specialize in the tiny treats have been sprouting like mushrooms in town and in the close in suburbs. Of course these are not your granny's cupcakes, nay, nay. These are culinary… Read full post »

I went back to work a little over a month ago after be unemployed for nearly a year. it's good to be back in the workforce again. Let me rephrase that. It's good to be getting a paycheck again, getting up at five six days a week blows but… Read full post »

In 1963 my parents decided that instead of flying out to California from our home in New York to visit my mother's two sisters and their families we were going to see America and drive. My two aunts had moved to LA during the war to get jobs in defense… Read full post »

There is a book that has spawned a second book and a million arguments called Desert Island Discs, that asks the question, if you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one album what would it be. First let's hope the island has shelter and food… Read full post »

With my years of life I have now decided that the world boils down to two kinds of people. Those who like Animal House and those who prefer Caddyshack. The Caddyshack people tend to be country club types, fellows who really get a charge out of toilet humor and… Read full post »

Somebody would wipe that smirk off George Bush's face.

Elizabeth Taylor would always be twenty-five

Neither the Yankees or the Red Sox would ever win the World Series

Yoko would have jumped in front of John

Diet pills would work without a sensible diet and exercise.

Everyone in Bush's i… Read full post »

I was looking for something quick to make for dinner tonight and while in the grocery store I came across some of those "fresh" pastas that are sold in the deli section. They're not bad for what they are but what really winds me up about Italian foods… Read full post »

Funny - Letterman    Not Funny - Leno

Funny - Dick Martin    Not Funny - Dick Cheney

Funny - The Marx Brothers     Not Funny - The Jonas Brothers

Funny - The Three Stooges     Not Funny - The Three Tenors

Funny - Oliver Hardy    … Read full post »

The Tao. What is it, some kind of Eastern thing? I have to admit I'm not really up to speed on Confucianism or ancient philosophizing in general but I do know that if there is a Tao the Dude has one. I do know that Tao is pronounced "dow" and Dow… Read full post »