CORK'S AWARD-WINNING BLOG

"Castigat Ridendo Mores"

OldCootCork Corcoran

OldCootCork Corcoran
Location
California,
Birthday
July 27
Bio
Former TV on air critic dude, full time freelance writer and author, who for decades earned his living primarily with his sense of humor. Now in the Blogosphere, at BreakingSatire@Blogspot.com. Lifetime honors include seven Emmys, two kids who are not messed up and the same wife he started out with. You may twit with him at “OldCootCork” befriend him as “John Pesky Corcoran” or Linked in with John "The Cork" Corcoran.

OldCootCork Corcoran's Links

Salon.com

*Someone always brings pearl onions. To limit number of dirty dishes, pour them directly down the drain. 

*No one knows what the word “Giblets” means. In Swahili, however, a word very close to it translates as “Great horrible part of bird not to be eaten even on a dare.”… Read full post »

*Someone always brings pearl onions. To limit number of dirty dishes, pour them directly down the drain. 

*No one knows what the word “Giblets” means. In Swahili, however, a word very close to it translates as “Great horrible part of bird not to be eaten even on a dare.”… Read full post »

It’s illegal in most places to text or hold your cell phone to your ear while driving, and if an America politician has his way, soon you will no longer be allowed to fantasize while at the wheel.

Congressman Tuskman Glacklamore (R-N.H.), Chairman of the Fundamentalist Liptonite wing of theRead full post »

They told me that they knew

All they claimed was true

(Oooh-whooooaaa)

Obama’s all to blame

We rue the day he came

You Libs should be ashamed.

 

They said some day you’ll find

He put us in this bind  

(Oooh-whooooaaa)… Read full post »

With a clean air accord agreed to by China and the US, with Russia rattling its sabers in the Ukraine, and with record-setting cold air blasting into the eastern half of the US, the biggest story this week is Kim Kardashian’s Ass.

Kardashian’s Big Booty burst into the news whenRead full post »

With a clean air accord agreed to by China and the US, with Russia rattling its sabers in the Ukraine, and with record-setting cold air blasting into the eastern half of the US, the biggest story this week is Kim Kardashian’s Ass.

Kardashian’s Big Booty burst into the news whenRead full post »

*Abraham Lincoln never would have gone to Ford’s Theater if he hadn’t mistakenly believed “Our American Cousin” was being performed in the nude.

*Calvin Coolidge was so dull his nickname was Calvin Coolidge.

**Most of the time John Adams and John Quincy Adams weren’t sRead full post »

NOVEMBER 6, 2014 9:22AM

15 Things I Know to Be True about Music

1. Aretha Franklin just released a new album.  All’s well with the world.

2. If you are against the death penalty, Auto-Tuning should make you reconsider.

3. Before they became more famous as singers, Louis Armstrong played trumpet, Nat Cole played piano, and Glen Campbell played guitar… Read full post »

Do you own a Bugatti Veyron? Probably not.

If you did you’d be driving it now, in bed with your passenger, or robbing banks to pay for it. It costs $3,000,000 a copy and will still be accelerating as the speedo flashes past 200 MPH.  My car couldn’t hit even… Read full post »

OCTOBER 27, 2014 11:05AM

Why I Forget Stuff, and So Do I

I don’t expect much sympathy for my Short Term Memory Loss issues but read this anyway, there’s very little whining.  Please give me your full attention, and if it’s not too much trouble, hand over your car keys and wallet, too.

Short Term Memory Loss (STML) means you recall y… Read full post »

OCTOBER 18, 2014 10:28AM

You Can't Get Ebola from Gorgonzola

A letter sent to my Aunt & Uncle about what cannot give you Ebola. I hope it will calm their fears and those of readers and their relatives, too

Dear Aunt Millicent: 

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. Dipping your letter in disinfectant before you sent itRead full post »

Mr. Charles E. Rodent, beloved Spokesrat for a chain of restaurants that serves good pizza to badly over-adrenalized children, was shot and seriously wounded last night while dining at one of his establishments. He is listed in critical but stable condition but is expected to squeak through.

Mr. Rod… Read full post »

“All people can be divided into two groups. Those who divide people into two groups, and those who do not.”

According to Google, either Mark Twain or James Thurber said that, a witty commentary on the faults of statistics and stereotyping. Events in the news lately indicate the latest br… Read full post »

 

My lovely wife was calling on a borrowed phone to tell me she had forgotten hers. Would I be a lamb and check a number for her in her iPhone directory?… Read full post »

The first baseball game I ever saw was at the Polo Grounds in New York City. My Dad took me more years ago than I can remember.  

 The Polo Grounds was then home to the New York baseball Giants. The stadium is long gone as are the baseball Giants,… Read full post »

AUGUST 7, 2014 12:07PM

How to Be a Gud Riter

 Recently I was asked what advice I might give to someone who wanted to become a professional writer. Since bash-your-head-in wasn't an option, here is that advice.

*Read. Write. Repeat.

*Ask yourself if a life of poverty is one that you can fully embrace. 

*Learn to write wellRead full post »

AUGUST 4, 2014 12:09PM

Inside Poop on the Pills I Pop

I take a bunch of pills every day. Some are prescribed by doctors. Some I find under sofa cushions. Still others are “suggested” by my wife, who is currently ranked  third most qualified non-medically trained pill expert in the Known Universe.  

I recently looked up the pills I… Read full post »

There were nuts in plain sight in the kitchen the other night.

Salted Pecans. Roasted and still warm from the oven. Naturally, I dug in.

My wife arrived and tookRead full post »

10. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while synthesizers drone behind him.

9. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while synthesizers drone behind him, only a little faster.

8. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while
Read full post »

 12. If there is a tougher officiating job in sports than Soccer Referee, I don’t know what it is.  You’re always running, nobody speaks the same language, everybody flops, you have to watch 22 people who cheat, the fans may kill you, and nobody, not even you, is exactly sure wh… Read full post »

There was no other sound quite like it.

First I heard a thunderous deep bass rumble, soon joined by a high-pitched, banshee howl. The thunder shook me, and the howl had me plugging my ears. It came from the biggest thing I had ever seen in the air.

IRead full post »

JUNE 26, 2014 10:40AM

Cork’s New Rules for Old Hackers

Nobody hates golf like a bad golfer and nobody misses playing golf more than a bad golfer forced to give up the game. I recently had to turn in my spikes, my sticks and what few balls I had left when one of my ankles decided it would no longer cooperateRead full post »

Yesterday I made a phone call that I did not want to make. I was afraid to make, actually. Afraid I would screw it up.

I tried to talk myself out of it, in fact. But as a man of some conscience, that was not an option. The call wasRead full post »

(A Memorial Day repost from 2011

My Dad never fired a gun in anger nor for sport. But for several months in his 25th year, he spent time in the company of those who did. Specifically a half dozen young men whose job it was to load, aim and discharge .50Read full post »

FEBRUARY 22, 2014 10:55AM

Fallon Eats Letterman's Lunch--for Now

I’m a big David Letterman fan, but I’ve just seen a young upstart blow the doors off the late night talk show race. If Dave’s not worried, he’s either not paying attention or decided to take early retirement. 

I think he’s paying attention. The fact it’s takRead full post »