"Castigat Ridendo Mores"

OldCootCork Corcoran

OldCootCork Corcoran
July 27
Former TV on air critic dude, full time freelance writer and author, who for decades earned his living primarily with his sense of humor. Now in the Blogosphere, at Lifetime honors include seven Emmys, two kids who are not messed up and the same wife he started out with. You may twit with him at “OldCootCork” befriend him as “John Pesky Corcoran” or Linked in with John "The Cork" Corcoran.


OldCootCork Corcoran's Links
OCTOBER 18, 2014 10:28AM

You Can't Get Ebola from Gorgonzola

A letter sent to my Aunt & Uncle about what cannot give you Ebola. I hope it will calm their fears and those of readers and their relatives, too

Dear Aunt Millicent: 

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. Dipping your letter in disinfectant before you sent itRead full post »

Mr. Charles E. Rodent, beloved Spokesrat for a chain of restaurants that serves good pizza to badly over-adrenalized children, was shot and seriously wounded last night while dining at one of his establishments. He is listed in critical but stable condition but is expected to squeak through.

Mr. Rod… Read full post »

“All people can be divided into two groups. Those who divide people into two groups, and those who do not.”

According to Google, either Mark Twain or James Thurber said that, a witty commentary on the faults of statistics and stereotyping. Events in the news lately indicate the latest br… Read full post »


My lovely wife was calling on a borrowed phone to tell me she had forgotten hers. Would I be a lamb and check a number for her in her iPhone directory?… Read full post »

The first baseball game I ever saw was at the Polo Grounds in New York City. My Dad took me more years ago than I can remember.  

 The Polo Grounds was then home to the New York baseball Giants. The stadium is long gone as are the baseball Giants,… Read full post »

AUGUST 7, 2014 12:07PM

How to Be a Gud Riter

 Recently I was asked what advice I might give to someone who wanted to become a professional writer. Since bash-your-head-in wasn't an option, here is that advice.

*Read. Write. Repeat.

*Ask yourself if a life of poverty is one that you can fully embrace. 

*Learn to write wellRead full post »

AUGUST 4, 2014 12:09PM

Inside Poop on the Pills I Pop

I take a bunch of pills every day. Some are prescribed by doctors. Some I find under sofa cushions. Still others are “suggested” by my wife, who is currently ranked  third most qualified non-medically trained pill expert in the Known Universe.  

I recently looked up the pills I… Read full post »

There were nuts in plain sight in the kitchen the other night.

Salted Pecans. Roasted and still warm from the oven. Naturally, I dug in.

My wife arrived and tookRead full post »

10. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while synthesizers drone behind him.

9. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while synthesizers drone behind him, only a little faster.

8. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while
Read full post »

 12. If there is a tougher officiating job in sports than Soccer Referee, I don’t know what it is.  You’re always running, nobody speaks the same language, everybody flops, you have to watch 22 people who cheat, the fans may kill you, and nobody, not even you, is exactly sure wh… Read full post »

There was no other sound quite like it.

First I heard a thunderous deep bass rumble, soon joined by a high-pitched, banshee howl. The thunder shook me, and the howl had me plugging my ears. It came from the biggest thing I had ever seen in the air.

IRead full post »

JUNE 26, 2014 10:40AM

Cork’s New Rules for Old Hackers

Nobody hates golf like a bad golfer and nobody misses playing golf more than a bad golfer forced to give up the game. I recently had to turn in my spikes, my sticks and what few balls I had left when one of my ankles decided it would no longer cooperateRead full post »

Yesterday I made a phone call that I did not want to make. I was afraid to make, actually. Afraid I would screw it up.

I tried to talk myself out of it, in fact. But as a man of some conscience, that was not an option. The call wasRead full post »

(A Memorial Day repost from 2011

My Dad never fired a gun in anger nor for sport. But for several months in his 25th year, he spent time in the company of those who did. Specifically a half dozen young men whose job it was to load, aim and discharge .50Read full post »

FEBRUARY 22, 2014 10:55AM

Fallon Eats Letterman's Lunch--for Now

I’m a big David Letterman fan, but I’ve just seen a young upstart blow the doors off the late night talk show race. If Dave’s not worried, he’s either not paying attention or decided to take early retirement. 

I think he’s paying attention. The fact it’s takRead full post »


 (John Corcoran used to work as an entertainment reporter in LA some years back and then as now had a hard time with names, too.)  

Sam, it's your old buddy Cork, from back in the day? Remember me? Channel Nine? Hope you haven't confused me with Roger… Read full post »
I've never told anyone this story before. But now, after 53 years, I think it is time for the truth to come out.  So here it is, told the very night of one of the most significant Anniversaries in the history of pop culture.

I was in Liverpool during
Read full post »

The world is divided into two types of people: Those who would like to live a long life and the Scientists of the world who want to send us to an early grave.  


Read full post »
JANUARY 11, 2014 12:02PM

Why Harry Can Only Smell with His Feet

I like to pass along lessons garnered from a life of laziness and domestic incompetence. That’s me, always giving giving giving. My lawyer  insists I also inform you that I’m pretty much clueless about such things, and my advice is for demonstration purposes only.

I never repair stuRead full post »
You may not have noticed, but 2014's new laws are in the books and being enforced. Among other things, it's led to a marijuana shortage in Colorado.   
Laws in the US begin New Year's day. In Canada it starts whenever the hell they finish up their harvest.


Investigative Blog BreakingSatire has obtained a leaked email sent by StNick365 to the editors of Time Magazine that shows Santa Claus may be far less jolly than his popular image would indicate. 

StNick365 is one of Mr. Claus’ personal email accounts, but is the writer San/… Read full post »

I’m knocking this out waiting for The Rug Guy to arriveth. According to the Missus, this is Mission One in getting things spiffed up before the Holidays.   

The Rug Guy is a generic term for whoever cleans our carpets. He drives a truck filled with massive sucking devices, tubs/… Read full post »

Let’s start with a quick Mea Culpa for the Insensitivity Factor. I know millions of starving people would be happy to have anything to eat, including what I’m complaining about here. Well, probably not the Blackened Succotash. These have all shown up at Holiday Meals I attended/Read full post »

When I was in the military, I had all four of my wisdom teeth yanked by a civil engineer posing as a dentist. He used a Roto-rooter and a backhoe to operate. It hurt like hell. It hurt worse than hell. It hurt like giving childbirth in Hell.  

HadRead full post »

 Is Gravity so nice, you must see it twice? If so, do you race out to theaters before it makes way for the Christmas onslaught or catch it on DVD after it scores its predicted haul of Academy Award nominations?


I couldn’t delay—a blank page waits for no one—and afRead full post »