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OldCootCork Corcoran

OldCootCork Corcoran
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Former TV on air critic dude, full time freelance writer and author, who for decades earned his living primarily with his sense of humor. Now in the Blogosphere, at BreakingSatire@Blogspot.com. Lifetime honors include seven Emmys, two kids who are not messed up and the same wife he started out with. You may twit with him at “OldCootCork” befriend him as “John Pesky Corcoran” or Linked in with John "The Cork" Corcoran.

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 6, 2011 2:10PM

Top 10 Shocking Things Guaranteed to Happen at Super Bowl

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10. A confused former QB turned sportscaster Terry Bradshaw predicts final score will be Steelers 37 Lakers 17.

9.   With Packers trailing late in the game, Brett Favre unretires, trades self to Pack, dons Levis and immediately tosses Pick Six to Betty White.

8.   Inspirational half time speech in Steelers locker room is given by legendary blond recovering monopod, Zsa Zsa Gabor. Falls on deaf ears as team is busy Twittering, emailing junk, and updating Facebook profiles.

7.   Dancing E Trade Chimp  in “Well, we just wasted $2,000,000” Super Bowl Spot is voted all time winner of Ad Council‘s ”Biggest Waste of $2,000,000 for Super Bowl Spot" Award.

6.   Tragic slip of the lip during trick play ends Troy Aikman’s broadcast career when he tries to say “ Fullback John Kuhn  Tries Punt” and it comes out “Fullback John Puhn tries C---t.“  

5.   Scheduled halftime performers, Black Eyed Peas, delayed by weather but standby act, Sarah Palin, fills in and plinks away at herd of Moose from Goodyear Blimp. TV Broadcaster "Moose" Johnston treated and released. N.Y. Yankee legend "Moose" Skowron critically wounded. Beloved cartoon animal, Bullwinkle, killed instantly.

4.  In pregame interview, NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell says NFL Players Association has told him their two biggest health concerns are "concussion-related memory loss and um, something else.”

3.  Award for cultural reference most likely to sail over heads of anyone less than age 60 is tie between Zsa Zsa Gabor and Moose Skowron .

 2.  Confused Conservative Televangelist says Bible expressly forbids Quarterbacks operating “under center,” and such activity is an abomination before the Eyes of God. God responds, “STFU, I’m watching the game.”

1.    Team with the most points at the end of the game is declared winner. Out of habit GOP voids results, declares Bush Super Bowl Champion.

 

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