By Miz J                                                     

WOW, WHAT A DOWNER THIS WEEK'S EPISODE WAS.

If I didn’t have my usual cocktail at my side, there’d be nothing to look forward to this time around – Betty’s dad has a stroke that basically short-circuits his brain, Pete’s being pressed to adopt on one side and being pressed NOT to adopt on the other, and hardly anything happens at the office at all.

Well. There IS one thing: a trip to LA is in the works for a convention. It’s 1962, after all, and the US is still clamoring to get something – ANYTHING – up into space, so there’s a scientific convention going on, and the Mad Men are devising plots to get their hooks into some sweet government funds. It’s decided by Don that Pete and oh-so-smug Kinsey will go, even though it appears once again that Peggy’s more ready than either of them to match wits with the geeks. Surprise, surprise. As you’d expect by the title, this one deals with mortality in a pretty heavy way. Hearing that her dad’s had a stroke, Betty phones Don and they head out to her childhood home to be with him and Gloria, her father’s new wife that she roundly despises. When she arrives, Betty learns that the stroke happened days ago, and that her father’s actually had one before and Gloria never told her.

This is the part where I’d be throwing shit, but Betty always keeps that icy demeanor of hers perfectly frozen in place – she even stays stone-faced after her father forgets who she is and squeezes her tit in front of everyone at the breakfast table. I choked on my drink, you guys. And that HURTS. And I’m the audience, not the recipient of The Squeeze, as it will now be called from here on out.

The weirdest thing about this whole misadventure, besides The Squeeze, is the fact that Betty and Don DID IT and now that she’s home again, he’s out on his ass at the Roosevelt still. That’s some reserve she’s showing there.

Meanwhile, Pete’s dealing with his father’s demise from earlier this season. The fact that his dad left them with no real assets to speak of means that Pete and his brother Bud have had to do creative accounting to take care of their mother, who is a right bitch if I ever met one. She’s one of those flat-assed, wispy cardigan-around-the-shoulder types with a perma-scowl slashed across her face. This uppity broad challenges Pete’s eligibility in the will (and, knowing what we know, this is laughable) because Bud mentioned that Pete and Trudy were looking to adopt. Since Trudy is infertile, they have no other option – Trudy REALLY WANTS a baby. Pete is reserved, and we see why when his mother tells him that adopting is just “pulling from the discards.” Wow. I don’t even have the words, folks.

Naturally, since Bud was being a dick about spilling the beans to the elderly, bitchy Mrs. Campbell, Pete zings him back by saying that there’s no damn money. The look on her face is priceless, and Bud’s stuck looking like a chump and fumbling for the words to explain himself. Heh.

While all this drama is going on with Betty and Pete separately, Kinsey’s gotten himself in over his head with this whole black girlfriend thing, because Shirley wants him to go with her to a dangerous protest down South, and he’s obviously very glad to be going on that LA trip instead. Naturally, Shirley’s pissed, and they argue about it, with Kinsey going overboard at all the wrong times to prove that he’s “one of them.” For instance, he makes conversation with Hollace, the elevator operator, and all of a sudden, because Shirley’s there, it’s all, “Hollace, please, you know it’s Paul,” when Hollace calls Paul “Mr. Kinsey.” Um, no he doesn’t.

Anyway, with Betty’s rebuff still smarting, Don decides to take Kinsey’s spot on the LA trip, and now he’s off to the protest. Heh. You might be wondering how he discovers that Don’s going to be nestling his ass into that cramped coach seat instead of him. Well, I’ll tell you: Joan, Don’s new secretary (and, literally, Roger’s handoff, as Jane has now become his secretary/lover), is instructed to write Kinsey a memo explaining the situation. Instead, she saunters into the conference room, where a drunken baby shower for Harry is underway, and tells him in front of everyone. Zing! Excellent payback for that prank he pulled months ago where he posted her drivers’ license with her birthday highlighted in the main hallway. Nice touch, Miss Holloway. Maximum damage inflicted. I toast you with a second drink, now that my throat is no longer on fire.

SO – if the tit-grabbing and torrid relationship drama just aren’t enough for you, in comes Weird Kid Glen, who’s been sleeping in the Draper’s backyard playhouse for the last few days, waiting for Betty to come home. His mother wants to send him to live with his father, and he doesn’t want to go. Betty takes him inside for a meal and a change of clothes, and they hang out all day. While sitting on the couch watching cartoons, Glen takes her hand and says that he’s come to rescue her. Before she can set him straight though, in waltzes Carla with the kids, who have been staying with Francine while Betty was away. They go play with Glen, and Betty calls his mother, which Glen sees as the ultimate betrayal. Later, Betty and Glen’s mother talk, and an unlikely friendship develops since they’re both separated and struggling with being heads of household. I’m kind of glad about this, because I like that sassy redhead. I think she’ll bring a much-needed dash of daring into Betty’s play-it-straight existence. Too bad I won’t be seeing next week’s episode – I’m going on vacation (Crabby will fill in, and she's not nearly as much fun as me!) But I’ll be refreshed for the season finale, and hope you’ll come back to rehash the whole season with me! But for now…one last drink awaits.

Miz J, who works in advertising, has tons of opinions and a big mouth to broadcast them across the globe; however, the Internet saves her the trouble of yelling. Check out her blog at Miz J.