Because It's Complicated.
AUGUST 18, 2009 2:35PM

Why John Brings Out The Bitch In Kate

Rate: 6 Flag
Credit: Celebuzz
By Crabby Golightly

IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT, GENERALLY SPEAKING, WOMEN LIKE STRONG MEN WHO ARE BIG EARNERS. Sorry, feministas, it's a fact dictated by sociobiology.

Women also like it, generally, when their mates are capable of strategic thinking, sound judgment and bringing them to climax. Throw in some good looks, some height, and you got a baby maker in demand. Seems obvious, doesn't it?

Of course, there aren't enough of these alpha dream boats to go 'round, so women often settle for the dependable nice guy who takes out the trash and is easily led by the nose. It's not because they want to be the boss; they can't help but be it.

And so the couple -- let's say someone like John and Kate Gosselin -- get married and procreate, complicating their lives in ways they never could anticipate.

And though they love those wee ones more than life itself, the pathologies you never saw in your mate begin to emerge. But you're stuck; your burpy bundles of joy require love, feeding, holding, clothing, innoculations, toys, training, diapers, formula, burping, teeth-brushing, potty training,  ass-wiping, braces, summer camps and on and on and on.

And so it's at this very point that wives find out just what their husbands are made of, and vice versa.

And when the "man" of the family requires nudging to do the simplest of tasks, needs detailed directions on what and what not to do, well then, that's when a woman becomes a bitch, begins nipping at his heels and baring pointy teeth. The man is emasculated, but the woman can't help it. Things have got to get done.

It's at that moment that the wife, the wrangler if you will, becomes a jagged edge in their side, a carpy who always wants things her way.

And so he begins to fantasize that things would be different with someone else. Someone younger, or maybe just closer to his emotional age, someone maybe like -- oh, Hailey Glassman.

And for a little while, he deludes himself into thinking it was all his wife' s fault: she's the dragon lady who breathed fire and scorched all the manhood out of him. And he celebrates with abandon with his new catch.

Until ultimately, she too gives birth and realizes what a pissant of a man you really are.

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Oh come on Crabby! Have you not WATCHED the show? Things don't have to just "get done" - they have to "get done" in a very particular... some would say soul-destroying way...

But you're right. Thats the burden of parenthood and Hailey Glassman ain't the answer.

But, you know, it's complicated...
You make interesting points about relationships in general but I so do not care about John and Kate on any level. I have never seen the show and now would not no matter how much someone paid me.
Mark & Otis, I confess: I've seen moments of the show. But in my first flippant write-up, I described John as the 'ninth child.' I had no idea how right I was!...

Dorinda, I don't really care either, except they have emerged as one THE topics of media talk and entertainment. And though I heard lots of rumblings about Kate, she seems to be much cooler and in control with the separation. Proof that sometimes it's easier to go it alone. John obviously was not mature enough to be married and father to 8!..And I am waiting, HOPING, for the J&KP8 show where he gets a vasectomy!
I am waiting, HOPING, for the J&KP8 show where he gets a vasectomy!

But do you think he could be mature enough to make this wise move?
It seems to me they were made for each other, from what I have seen.
This is right on the money.
I don't know, latethink. Mark & Otis pointed out rightly that I haven't seen but moments of the show. And I did see those promos where Kate wouldn't give the kids a drink of water. But she seems to be looser, happier since John took a hike. It always amazes me who ends up with who. But John has revealed himself to be a petulant little boy.

And Natalie, thanks for the props. Just so everyone knows: I know I'm writing in shorthand here. We could explore John's relationship with his mother, his genetics, his general environment. I'm just expressing the 'crabby' side of crabbygolightly.
I saw two black snakes copulating.
Two barn beast can wiggle the hips.
Who can't thrust a wee lil' porpoise?
I love your name Crabby! I so cranky!
I woke up with belly ache!
Crabby makes me Cranky!
Plumb. You stuck a thumb!
Pull out! Ya squint to shoot!
No put dupe in the Ya Know?
I never watched the TV Show.
I should go for a wiggles walk!
This commenting makes sane?
I am not sure. I feel so screwed!
I gonna have a few more babies!
I raise them like a tender shoots?
I try to cultivate and love.
Almost anyone can tangle.
Squirming and groaning,
O moanings in the sack.
We lucky if Ya do that.
Who build characters?
Vice & Virtue? Sell out?

Plant that grows upright and true!
I heard Ya can still shoot at 80- huh?
go back to bed alone? moan & groan?
I feel like I was shot in the belly button!
hush up!
"I raise them like a tender shoots?
I try to cultivate and love.
Almost anyone can tangle."

Sorry to make you surly Arthur, but I agree wholeheartedly with your above words.
Pointed. (Rated).

This is SO true - I can still remember the ups and downs of my marriage the first year having our daughter. Thank God I picked one with some height :)
I find this post remarkably insightful, even if it's couched in the context of that Kate/John show.